8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids

Surely I’m not the only mom who wished my kids came with a manual. In the trenches of parenting, my husband and I sometimes realize we aren’t entirely sure how we should handle a situation. Sure, there are times we’re on the same page and have prepared how we will respond, but there are plenty of times we’re winging it.

Dr. Todd Cartmell’s new “8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids” is an instruction manual for parents.

Using examples from his home and 20 years of professional practice, child psychologist and father Todd Cartmell gives eight essential and practical tools to help you maintain a healthy relationship with your child, develop a nurturing home culture, and correct behavior in lasting ways. Designed for busy parents, “8 Simple Tools” breaks each tool – talking, listening, influencing, connecting, teaching, encouraging, correcting, and leading – into five short chapters that include summary tips and application questions.

The organization of the wise information is part of what makes this book the ideal instruction manual. More importantly, the advice is based on real-life scenarios and biblical truth.

My favorite – well, as in most needed – section was the one on talking. It’s the first tool, but it’s the one I struggle with the most. I tend to revert to bossy, nagging words and tone when I want to control my kids and their behavior. Obviously, that’s the not the best strategy, and Dr. Todd offers wisdom I needed to hear.

I don’t pause often enough either. I’m not a new mom and I’m certainly not a new communicator, but I needed these reminders: What do I really want to say? What is the best way to say it? If I want my kids to talk respectfully when they are mad, then I must do the same. I want my child to copy my communication style, not me copy theirs.

(Ouch.)

And then there was this: “You don’t control your kids’ responses, but you do control your words, volume, level, and tone.”

(Again, ouch.)

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

–Proverbs 12:18

Words do matter. The teach and heal and love. Words open the door for teachable moments and opportunities to develop deeper relationships. I want to do that well and I’m glad for this instruction manual that was missing in our family.

“Bottom line: If you are a parents who talks and listens to your kids, influences them with the power of your words, connects with them, teaches and encourages them, corrects them, and leads them through your example, then I believe you will change the trajectory of their lives.”

(And that quote is in the introduction!)

ABOUT THE BOOK :: 209-page paperback published by Moody Publishers (Dec. 15, 2015). Find more information about the book, including sharable images and assessments online at the book’s website.

And I have a special deal for you! Get the book for 50% off with the code GREATKIDS16, which is good through May 15 when you order the book through Moody Publishers. “8 Simple Tools for Raising Great Kids” also is available at Amazon.

For a limited time when you purchase the book anywhere, receive access to download the Hearts at Home "Essential Workshop Collection for Parents" for free! Learn more about that promotion at the book’s website.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR :: Todd Cartmell earned his doctorate in clinical psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California, and then completed his postdoctoral fellowship with Wright State University at the Children’s Hospital. Since then, he’s worked at Summit Clinical Services in Wheaton, Illinois, where he continues to see children, teens, and families on a full-time basis.

He’s written five faith-based parenting books and has presented many parenting workshops at mom’s conferences, churches, and schools. And he’s actually guest posted on my blog before.
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I received a free copy of this book from FlyBy Promotions / Propeller Consulting in exchange for an honest review. 

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Love one another {a giveaway}

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

{John 13:34-35}

It's the week of love. I know people have all sorts of feelings about Valentine's Day. But I've decided this year to just embrace it. I mean, what's so bad about encouraging others to love on their people? I may have even ordered my kids a little gift. Shhh. Don't tell them.

I personally love Valentine's Day because it's the anniversary of my first date with my husband ... before he was my husband ... 17 years ago. My, how time flies. We've since dubbed Feb. 14 "First-Date Day" and would celebrate even if the rest of the world wasn't.

You people are my friends. We may not get to lunch together or show up with dinner when it's been a hard day. But we can love on each other anyway. That's the beauty of technology.

So I raided my gift closet and pulled out some of my favorite things to give you!

• John 14:27 Print from HopeInk.com & a PDF copy of "Peace in the Process" :: It's one of my favorite scriptures and there are butterflies on the 8x10 print. Butterflies remind me of when I decided to follow Jesus at a weekend that was built on the metaphor of transforming from caterpillars into butterflies. 
• "Let Heaven and Nature Sing" & Loved plaque :: "Joy to the World" is one of my favorite songs and the one that spoke so deeply into my life about #choosingJOY this year. The plaque quotes Holley Gerth, a favorite author of mine who encourages and loves so well. Both come from DaySpring.com, which is a great place to shop. 
• "Sing the Bible" by Slugs & Bugs :: This may be "kids' music," but I love it. 
• Package of 12 Sharpies & PDF copy of "Peace in the Process" :: Um, who doesn't love Sharpies?
• Romans 8:28 plaque :: This is one of my two all-time favorite verses. 

Use the Rafflecopter widget below to enter to win. The giveaway will be open through the weekend and then I'll announce the winners, which will be chosen randomly, on Monday. Speaking of giveaways, did you see my daughter's first-ever book review? And we're giving away the book she loved. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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I'm linking this post with the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood Gathering, one of my favorite places on the internet. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

What's in a Name? The Story of Ben

Five years ago today, Ben’s adoption was finalized. The hearing was a informal formality, but, of course, we had a party afterward because I wanted to mark the moment on our journey. I wanted to remember God’s faithfulness. 

In celebration of remembering this day, I thought it would be fun to share something from Ben’s preschool last week that I absolutely loved. While studying the letter N and talking about the importance of Jesus’ name, the teacher asked us parents to write a letter to our child, explaining why we chose the name we did and what it means for the child. 

Y’all, this is my kind of assignment ... 
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That's Ben at a week old with my grandpa. They share a middle name. November 2009.

Dear Ben –

When we found out we were adopting a baby boy, Daddy and I figured we’d choose a family name for you like we did your sister. But then we couldn’t agree on which version of William (Daddy’s granddad, Gran-Gran’s dad) we’d want to use. Daddy wanted Bill and I wanted Will. So we went to the Bible instead and found the perfect name for our baby – Benjamin.

Not long after you were born, I happened upon Deuteronomy 33:12, which says: “About Benjamin, he (Moses) said: ‘Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.’”

I loved how I heard God speaking to me about you through those words from long ago. I was reminded God creates us and knows us long before we’re born. God has a plan for you, sweet boy. I have no doubt you belong in our family and we’re better off because you’re with us.

And Daddy often reminds you and me “Benjamin” means “son of my right hand.”

Your middle name – Lucas – is also Poppy’s middle name. As my grandpa and Grandmom’s dad, he is a man I’d love for you to take after. He’s wise and believes in prayer. I’ll never forget when I was frustrated one day and he reminded me that “This too shall pass,” but while we’re in the middle of whatever we’re going through we should pray.

Your name is part of who you are, Benjamin Lucas. And there’s no one else like you.

I love you –
Momma
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You can read more about Ben's adoption story in my ebook "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family," which is on sale for just 99 cents at Amazon. Yes, January can be a cold, dreary month, but it has changed me. So I'm celebrating!

And I'm linking up with the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood Gathering. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

{Three Word Wednesday} Choosing joy – again

I claimed this one three-lettered word for the new year. I knew God was giving to me because it’s what he’s been speaking into my life – for years, really. I believe change is possible, even when it seems so far away. I want some things deep in my soul to be different – like a better version of what is happening right now.

But I had no idea how JOY would be laid in front of me. Like God was reminding it’s really right here. I walk pass it and ignore its sounds far too often. But I don’t want to keep doing that this year. 

I want to choose joy – over and over. It’s not like I can choose it once and be done. I chose it before the year started. I got side tracked with kids’ sickness and life. And I chose it again. More life and expectations. So I choose it again. Today. And I’ll choose it again tomorrow too.

My husband likes to sing songs as soon as he steps out of bed. He is more relaxed and naturally joy-filled than I am. Our son is much like him. They aggravate me sometimes, but they also point me to joy. It’s hard to miss joy when you’re around them.

Joy is showing up in the songs I’m listening to and the books I’m reading. I recently finished “The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You” by Jessica Turner and on page 50 her words seemed to bridge my struggles and my goals in one paragraph.

“Life is not perfect. You are not perfect. But you are a glorious creation, and your life is meant to be lived with joy. Some days you aren't going to get your makeup on, you will burn the bookies for the school bake sale, and you will spill wine on the rug. In our mess, God makes us strong. In your glorious imperfection, you can still shine beautifully bright. Embrace that truth. Stop trying to be everything for everyone and start investing in who and what really matters.”

{Jessica Turner in “The Fringe Hours”}

I believe the joy I’m choosing really matters. It’s a process so beyond myself that I know it’s going to stretch me and grow me in ways only God can orchestrate.

I also started reading “In this House We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love, and Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life,” thanks to Kayse Pratt’s encouragement. Greg and I are going to read this one together. And, of course, the first chapter is on joy. In it, author Courtney DeFeo quotes Kay Warren: “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”

Um, what an amazing definition.

And I certainly don’t have joy figured out if that’s my standard, but it’s a good place to start.

So I’m keeping a list of moments that bring me joy. Some of them are little everyday conversations that come with being a mom. Others are surprises throughout the day that I want to recognize and remember. I’m keeping a note going on my iPhone and posting pictures on Instagram with #choosingJOY. {I’d love for you to follow along and even post your own moments of #choosingJOY.} Counting joys one by one because I know as I look back I will be remembered that God is indeed in control and that everything will be okay. 

And I want my kids to learn that too.

“I don’t want my children to obey only because they fear consequences or worry that Mom will lose it. I want to know their hearts understand and grasp the joy to be found in doing the right thing. This requires parenting through the daily grind with a long-term mentality.”

{Courtney DeFeo in “In This House We Will Giggle”}

So we played hide-n-seek this week before Daddy came home from work. Honestly, he’s better at starting such games. We turned up some music while we disinfected the house once Ben was recovered from the flu. We read and played when there were still chores to be done.

I still don’t want to sing songs when I first wake up or at the dinner table, but I do sense some freedom and joy that hasn’t always been present in our house. I believe this is the beginning of something more.

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In my post last week, I mentioned the playlist I’m making. Like me, it’s a work in progress, but this is what I have now. Some songs are about joy, others bring me joy, and some capture the message my heart needs to experience joy.

“Laugh Out Loud” by Jason Gray :: “… I was alive but I wasn’t living, a prisoner of my fear and shame. But when you find you’ve been forgiven laughter will rise like a holy kind of praise. So I throw my head back and offer up my thanks! Ha ha, don’t it make you wanna laugh out loud? Oooh oooh, and shout, “Hallelujah!” Oh yeah, if you got joy go and let it on out …”

“Joy” by Rend Collective :: “We're choosing celebration, breaking into freedom. … You're the song of our hearts. … You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul, the joy joy joy making me whole though I'm broken, I am running into Your arms of love. The pain will not define us; joy will reignite us …”

“Joy to the World” by Shaun Groves :: This is beautiful combination of “Joy to the World” and “All Creatures.”

“Only Hope I’ve Got” by Ellie Holcomb :: “I don't wanna tell some arrogant story or let myself believe I'm You. I don't wanna be a thief who's stealing your glory. Will you help remind me of what is true? The only hope I've got; it's you …”

“More Heart, Less Attack” by NEEDTOBREATHE :: “Be the light in the crack. Be the one that’s been there on a camel’s back. Slow to anger quick to laugh. Be more heart and less attack …”

“Joy to the World (You Are My Joy)” by Rend Collective :: Another fun version of the traditional song.

“Greater” by MercyMe :: “Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed when others say I’ll never be enough. And greater is the One living inside of me than he who is living in the world … Bring your doubts. Bring your fears. Bring your hurt. Bring your tears. There’ll be no condemnation here. You are holy, righteous and redeemed.”

“Your Love Never Fails” by Newsboys :: “You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid because I know that You love me. Your love never fails …”

“Open Up the Heavens” by Meredith Andrews :: “Open up the heavens. We want to see you. Open up the floodgates, a mighty river, flowing from your heart, filling every part of our praise. … You're the reason we're here; you're the reason we're singing.”

“Outsiders” by NEEDTOBREATHE :: “Cause if you're not laughing who is laughing now? I've been wondering if we start sinking could we stand our ground? And through everything we've learned we've finally come to terms we are the outsiders. … On the outside, you're free to roam. On the outside, we've found a home. On the outside, there's more to see. On the outside, we choose to be.”

“I Am” by Crowder :: “There’s no space that His love can’t reach. There’s no place that we can’t find peace. There’s no end to amazing grace. Take me in with your arms spread wide. Take me in like an orphan child. Never let go, never leave my side. … Love like this, Oh my God to find! I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!”

“Promise of Summer” by Jackopierce :: “The winter fields begin to recover and finally it's the promise of summer. Lights are shining round and the guards are coming down …”

“Eyes Wide Open” by Jars of Clay & Third Day :: “Keep our eyes wide open. (Love is kind and love is daring everything we need to keep our eyes.) Draw us in, send us out. Draw us in, send us out. Draw us in, pull us out. Help us to believe.”

“Joy to the World” by Bebo Norman :: Another great version!

“Mighty to Save” by Mac Powell :: Just wait for the African children to join him!

“Hey Mama” by Mat Kearney :: “Singing hey mama, don't want no drama, just a kiss before I leave …”

“Multiplied” by NEEDTOBREATHE :: “God of mercy sweet love of mine, I have surrendered to Your design. May this offering stretch across the skies and these halleluiahs be multiplied …”

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Where do you find joy? {Leave a comment sharing and two people will win a copy of my playlist! I'll randomly choose the winners next Wednesday.}

An InLinkz Link-up

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I'm also linking up with Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart and Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory. Be sure to read Jennifer's post on fighting back with joy. It's beautiful and true. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

{Three Word Wednesday} Quit doing that

A Murray State fan in front of me kept yelling, “Quit doing that.” He was obviously frustrated by what the players were – or weren’t – doing on the court. But the players couldn’t hear him. Even they could, he didn’t specify who was doing what that he wanted to stop.

As soon as I finished thinking about how pointless his yelling was, I realized I had done the same thing this morning with 5-year-old Ben. “Stop that.” “Quit that.” “Didn’t you hear me say stop?” “Why won’t you stop?” I emphasized my desire without specifying the actual request.

Too often I yell generalities and get frustrated when specific behaviors don’t change. But even if the behavior did change, that’s not ultimately what I want. I actually want my boy to learn and grow and mature. I want better decision-making ability to accompany a heart change.

That’s probably really what the fan wanted too. Some of the blue and gold faithful had gathered in Nashville – just two hours from home – to watch the Challenge in Music City. We’d all watched Murray State lose a close game Friday night and then get blown out in a second game Saturday night. As fans, we craved hope, and possibly better shooting. We wanted to see a change in the form of a win in Sunday afternoon’s game.

Yelling “Quit doing that!” isn’t going to help or inspire change. I found myself wondering how it would be different if I clapped my hands and encouraged with cheers instead of yelling general demands.

I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. That mindset poisons my words and heart and overflows on those closest to me.

As a basketball fan, genuine cheering means showing up even at the beginning of the season when the team is still finding its way. As a parent, encouraging means showing some grace and picking your battles. It’s a lesson I struggle with but one I know God will be faithful to teach. He will do more than yell at me to quit that because he’s compassionate, slow to anger, gracious, and rich in love {Psalm 145:8}.
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An InLinkz Link-up

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I'm also linking up this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory and Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

{Giveaway} Their talk is more than small

I was a shy kid who didn’t always muster the courage to talk to people I knew when I saw them in the grocery store. It was painful, really. But I have these two kids who talk – a lot. They still sometimes surprise with their banter and detailed stories.

But I’m glad they’re not shy like me.

I try to remember that when I crave a quiet moment.

Their words are honest and real. Sometimes they even use the wrong words. But their thoughts are often compassionate and authentic – characteristics that can be rare these days. Their stories make me laugh and bring me back to what’s important. Their jokes aren’t funny yet, but I have hope they will be one day.

In my ebook, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” I talk about how nothing has been more sanctifying in my life than motherhood. Much of the spiritual growth that has happened in my life can be directly traced back to my kids’ words. They may be just 5 and 7 years old, but they’ve helped me learn what Jesus meant in Matthew 18:3 ::

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Reading “Small Talk: Learning From My Children About What Matters Most” by Amy Julia Becker was so good for my momma soul. With so many other things I could have been doing, I wanted to read her stories – the real-life, ordinary moments she shared with her kids that prompted her to gain eternal perspective.

Yes, she shared about her relationships with each other three children have become deeper by discussion life – and all the changes and people that come with it. But she also uses conversations and moments with her children to reflect on what God is doing around her.

I’ve long been a fan of memoirs, but “Small Talk” gave me a chance to pause in the middle of my own chaos and remember how God shows up among all those words my own kids speak.

And I know it will do that for other people – regardless of how old their kids are or whether they have kids of their own. In fact, I already bought it for a friend as a gift because I figured texting her all my favorite parts really wasn’t an option.
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ABOUT THE BOOK :: Almost every day, one of Amy Julie Becker’s children says something that prompts her to think about life in a new way. “Mom, does Santa love me?” William asks, after his mother explains the meaning of Christmas…In a chat with her dad about the children who died in the Sandy Hook shootings, Penny asks, “Did they go to heaven?” …”You was a jerk, Mommy?” asks Marilee one morning in the car. These conversations refine her own understanding of what she believes, why she believes it, and what she hopes to pass along to the next generation.

“Small Talk” is a narrative based upon these conversations. It is not a parenting guide. It does not offer prescriptive lessons about how to talk with children. Rather, it tells stories based upon the questions and statements Amy Julia’s children have made about the things that make life good (such as love, kindness, beauty, laughter, and friendship), the things that make life hard (such as death, failure, and tragedy), and what we believe (such as prayer, God, and miracles).

Amy Julia moves in rough chronological order through the basic questions her kids asked when they were very young to the intellectual and then spiritual questions of later childhood. It invites other parents into these same conversations, with their children, with God, and with themselves. Moving from humorous exchanges to profound questions to heart-wrenching moments, Amy Julia encourages parents to ask themselves— and to talk with their children about— what matters most. It’s a 230-page soft cover book.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR :: Amy Julia Becker writes about faith, family, and disability for Parents.com, the New York Times Motherlode blog, TheAtlantic.com, The Huffington Post parents page, Christianity Today, The Christian century, and numerous other publications. Her first book, “A Good and Perfect Gift: Faith, Expectations, and a Little Girl Named Penny,” was named one of the Top Ten Religion Books of 2011 by Publishers Weekly. Amy Julia lives in western Connecticut with her husband and three children.

Book website. Book trailer. Author website. Twitter. Facebook.

AND THE GIVEAWAY :: I’m so glad one of you will win a copy of this book. Just use the Rafflecopter widget below to enter to win. A winner will be randomly selected on Tuesday, Dec. 2.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing a copy of “Small Talk for this giveaway as well as a copy for me to review in exchange for this post. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. Amazon affiliate links included in this post.

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

On living in the light

“You know, momma, I just don’t like the dark.”

Those words came from my 7-year-old girl when I was questioning about why she was having trouble going to sleep the other night. It’s a regular thing: She reads in bed reading for some time. She knows it’s time to turn out the light, but she’s hesitant. And she’s so much like me: Her mind gets going right when she should turn it off. But it’s not that easy, I know.

And, really, who likes the darkness?

So I give her a hug and kiss. I tell her I love her. I say a quick prayer for God to calm her and give her rest. And I don’t see her again until I check on her before I head to bed and then nearly nine hours later awake her for school.

LIGHT has been my word for the year. It’s a popular blogger thing to choose a word for the new year. Like a trendy resolution. I like words, so I’ve been going along with it the for past several years.

But this year has been different.

God has shown me LIGHT in so many areas. I’ve worked through some childhood hurt that has spilled over into my adult life. I’ve witness God’s glory in some hard days. I hear the word in songs and realize its meaning in my everyday life. Book after book I’ve read have pointed me the LIGHT – such a stark contrast the darkness so many of us fear.

And I’m in the middle of “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore. If you’ve gone through the study, you get it. If you haven’t, you should. So many times I’ve felt caught in the doorway between darkness and light. I want to shut the door to the dark room and live in the room with all the natural light coming in through the windows. I spend so much time there, but sometimes meander back to the darkness.

I’m learning how to let go of that tendency. I’m learning to grab onto God because with him there is no darkness. And it’s easier to close my eyes at night because I know I’m not alone. That’s what I want my girl to learn too.

She’s a talker and a thinker. For as many words as she says, I’m pretty sure she has even more thoughts. These conversations about the literal darkness have spurred on so many good words between us.

A few days passed after her confession that she just doesn’t like the darkness. Then she brought me three $10 bills and eleven pennies. She wanted to give it to me. I’m not sure why. She just said it was a gift. As sweet and sincere as the gesture was, I told her I’d like to her to think of something else to do with that $30.11.

After a few minutes, she said she’d like to send Roselyn, our Compassion International-sponsored girl in Guatemala, a gift. We are only allowed to mail flat things like coloring pages, sticker sheets, and letters, so I encouraged her to come up with some like that.

Then her big, brown eyes lit up: “Can I help some other kids like Roselyn?”

I’m not sure she comprehends how “kids like Roselyn” live. Truthfully, I’m not sure I do either. But the fact she wants her $30.11 to help someone else is good. She went to bed with a gift catalog – you know, the one where you can choose meals to feed the hungry and medicine to help the sick – and I didn’t hear about the darkness from her that night.

The next morning, she showed me what she had circled. “Mom, you may need to help me. These things add up to $67.”

You can’t put a price on LIGHT, but I’m certain $67 will buy more than some gospel tracks, hot meals, and medicine. That money will shine the light on some dark situations – in Guatemala, maybe in Ecuador, and certainly right here in my own American home.
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It's nearing the Christmas season. I know. Choosing gifts for others is such a joy. We've loved helping others through Compassion International and have had good experiences doing so. I'd encourage you to check out those gift catalogs for a meaningful, life-changing kind of gift-giving. We've also loved sponsoring children through Compassion International. There's plenty of children who could benefit from your prayers, money, and relationship. 

Other posts about LIGHT :: One Word. Songs of Spring. Living & Learning. 

I'm linking this post with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Peace like a river

I wrote a whole ebook about what God taught me about his peace as I yearned to become a mom. I wrote 24,049 words and used “peace” in the title.

And then I learned more about peace.

I’ve been working through “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore with 13 other women. While doing Week 2 Day 4 last month, I kept underlining and drawing asterisks. Here I was the author of a book with peace as its central theme, and God had {and still has, I’m sure ...} so much more to teach me. I often think about how Paul described to the Philippians a peace that passes our understanding, yet the truth about God’s peace being a benefit to being his child fell fresh on me.

“This is what the Lord says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow. Oh, that you had listened to my commands! Then you would have had peace flowing like a gentle river and righteousness rolling over you like waves in the sea.”

{Isaiah 48:17-18}

Rivers don’t stand still. They move and flow, sometimes over rocks and debris. Rivers begin and end with other bodies of water, always dependent and connected. Funny thing is after I read those verses from Isaiah, I started jotting down notes in the margin about rivers and then as I read on Beth Moore elaborated on the same analogy:

“When God used the analogy of a river, he described a peace that can be retained while life twists, turns, and rolls over boulders. … To have peace like a river is to have security and tranquility of heart and mind while meeting many bumps and unexpected turns on life’s journey through change. Peace is submission to a trustworthy Authority, not resignation from all activity.”

After all, Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6).

Jesus filled my life with peace when I wandered out of the wilderness of infertility and into an adoption process that made me a momma. The same Jesus is still teaching me about peace because our life is about learning and growing and moving with the only authority that matters.

Obviously, I believe words matter and, more importantly, the Word matters. I’m loving DaySpring’s new Letterpress Blocks. Now we can have fun building words that matter to us to give as gifts or display in beautiful ways. We can see them and remember what God has done and what he promises to do.
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In exchange for this post that mentions DaySpring's new Letterpress Blocks, I'm receiving a $25 coupon code to use at DaySpring.com. And because this a fun week around here, I'm going to give it away to one of you! Whoo-hoo! Use the Rafflecopter below to enter to win and a winner will be randomly selected on Monday. 

Congratulations to Jenn Hand! Whoo-hoo! Jenn, I sent you a message with the information, but let me know if you didn't receive that. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway
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I'm linking up this post at (in)courage, where words and the Word really do matter. 

My ebook, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family,” is available at Amazon. Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox." This post contains affiliate links. 

{Adventure Bible} Truth Prevails

In noisy Chick-fil-A, Cate stopped sipping her Sprite and said, “Do you recognize that music?”

I listened closely, trying to focus on the music muffled by conversations all around us. But I couldn’t make out whatever it was she wanted me to hear.

Cate started humming and then singing ...

“... here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that you're my God,

You're altogether lovely,

Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me ...”

In that instant, I felt like I was doing something right. Her mind was being filled with truth, despite all the times I talk too harshly or expect too much. Mixed in with my mistakes are the moments she remembers singing praises to our Creator. Real life is full of messes and miscommunication.

But truth can still prevail.

Getting the messages that matter to be heard of the chatter of this world can be hard. But Cate reminded me last week in a booth at Chick-fil-A that it's worth continuing to try.

Life is busy, but there’s always ways to fill your mind – and your kids’ minds – with messages that matter. We listen to Christian music in the mini van we drive through life. We’ve been reading “Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Kids” on the slower summer mornings.

Cate also has her own Bible – not a storybook Bible – for the first time. “Adventure Bible for Early Readers” is working out well for my girl, who is an avid reader. It’s recommended for kids ages 6-9. It’s a NIrV translation and our version has a fancy 3D cover that my 4-year-old boy loves. So, yes, I'm sure it'll be passed on to him at some point.

Inside, “Adventure Bible” has special features, including “Words to Treasure” to encourage memory verses; “Did You Know?” boxes that point out interesting facts; blurbs about people and life in Bible times; a dictionary; and the standard book introductions, subject index, charts and maps. These features are what Cate loves when browsing the Bible herself.

Cate went to church camp for the first time this summer and took her new Bible with her. She liked being able to look up the theme verse in her own book and I realized the page with Philippians 3:12-15 is still dog-eared.

She may be a new Bible owner, but my girl seems to have some understanding about why this book matters. “I like it because it asks questions and it’s the real story of the Bible,” she said of “Adventure Bible.”

Bible storybooks and children’s devotions serve our family well. They are filled with stories and truth we want our kids to know as the foundation of everything else. We’re glad to add this children’s Bible to our life. Cate realizes there is something special to having the word of God in her hands, her mind and her heart.

And sometimes she hears a cue and sings about it.
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I received "Adventure Bible for Early Readers" for free from BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review. These are my real opinions only influenced by what my daughter had to say. This post also contains Amazon affiliate links. 

I'm linking up today with Lyli Dunbar for Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

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LIGHT :: Songs of Spring

Here we are in the middle of April. After the winter we've had, I'm grateful for signs of spring. Yes, even the stormy morning we've having here.

I'm also grateful for the signs of new perspective in my life. A spiritual new life, if you will.

The process God's had me on for awhile is intertwining imperfection and light. The message of letting go of my perfectionist tendencies so I can see Jesus in my ordinary moments is one that has been spoken into my life through books, songs and friends. Different versions of the same message have found their way into my heart.

And I'm noticing as I focus on this one message, I keep hearing it. Like songs of spring.

God created the light that is day and the darkness that is night. And he's been in charge from the beginning. I want to be a light that glorifies him and in doing so I know he lightens my load, giving me more opportunities to delight in everyday life.

So I thought I'd share some of the songs that have been sung throughout my days as I embrace this transforming message of LIGHT :

"Pushing Back the Dark" by Josh Wilson :: "The city on a hill, it should be shining still. Every sinner saved by grace, has a purpose, has a place inside the bigger plan, we might not understand. But if we just keep walking on, we will see the Kingdom come. Whatever you do, just don't look back. Oh somebody needs the light you have. Whatever you do, just don't lose heart. Keep on pushing back the dark ..." 

"Marvelous Light" by Ellie Holcomb :: "I am not who I once was, defined by all the things I’d done. Afraid my shame would be exposed, afraid of really being known. But then He gave my heart a home. So I walked out of the darkness and into the light, from fear of shame into the hope of life. Mercy called my name and made a way to fly out of the darkness and into the light ... There's no place I'd rather be. Your light is marvelous. Your light is marvelous. You have come to set us free. You are marvelous; your light is marvelous" 

"Shine On" by Needtobreathe :: "Somewhere between the end and the point where we begin, there's a fire burning brightly that's found it's way too dim. When the feeling's gone ... Shine on, shine on ..." 

"God of Brilliant Lights" by Aaron Shust :: "He is lord over all. His reign will never end. Through the fire and the flood, He draws his children in. He's the light of the world, brighter than the brightest star. The God of brilliant lights is shining down over us, breaking through the darkness, covering all the earth. Oooh, his love is like an ocean. Oooh, forever overflowing. The God of brilliant lights is shining over us ..." 

"My Lighthouse" by Rend Collective :: "My Lighthouse, my lighthouse. Shining in the darkness, I will follow You. My Lighthouse, my Lighthouse. I will trust the promise, You will carry me safe to shore ... I won't fear what tomorrow brings. With each morning I'll rise and sing. My God's love will lead me through. You are the peace in my troubled sea ..."

"Let It Rain" by Zac Brown Band :: "Breathe in deep, let it out. Wash the bitterness out of your mouth. There's no room left for darkness when you're filled with the light it comes out ..." {Read more about this song in my life.}

"All Things Possible" by Mark Schultz :: "Even when it feels like the light is fading and I've lost my way, still I’m holding on to the One who’s making all things possible ... My God is strong and mighty. My God is faithful. My hope is in the Lord, for He is able."

"Dancing in the Minefields" by Andrew Peterson :: "And we're dancing in the minefields. We're sailing in the storm. This is harder than we dreamed. But I believe that's what the promise is for. So when I lose my way, find me. When I loose love's chains, bind me. At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days. When I forget my name, remind me. 'Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man, so there's nothing left to fear. So I'll walk with you in the shadow lands till the shadows disappear ..."

Now it's your turn. Is it a theme of your year on you anticipated or one that surprised you? How has that message been reinforced through your life? Tell me about the songs you're hearing these days. If you share in the comments, you'll be entered to win a mix CD with these songs and others I've been liking. I'll randomly choose a winner Monday, April 21. 
Updated to congratulate Barbie from My Freshly Brewed Life on winning! Barbie, you should have a tweet from me asking for your mailing address. Thanks to those who shared in the comments.  ________
I'm linking this post with others who are reflecting on their One Word for 2014 over at Circles of Faith. If you're looking for more resources, "Love Idol" by Jennifer Dukes Lee and "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch have been instrumental in my journey. 

The bracelets ... a few people have asked about my bracelets. The silver one is from DaySpring.com and is designed by Lisa Leonard. See it and other bracelets, necklaces and charms here. The beaded bracelet is one piece that wraps around from WorldCrafts, which sells beautiful handmade jewelry, hand bags and other products that help women living in poverty. 

I'm linking this post with Circles of Faith, Soli Deo Gloria at Jen Ferguson's blog, Inspire Me Monday at Angie Ryg's blog, Three Word Wednesday with Beth Stiff, and Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart.

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LIGHT :: One Word for 2014

Happy 2014!

As cliche as it sounds, I can't believe we are here. A new year is beginning and we're already 14 years into the 2000s, which used to sound so futuristic.

Even though it didn't look much like I dreamed, 2013 was a good year. God's continuing a good work in me and with my family.

Naturally, I'm a perfectionist who likes to be in charge and has opinions about most anything. God's been working on this part of me for awhile now. Embracing imperfection was my theme for 2013, and that's why IMPERFECT was my one-word focus this past year.

As I take steps into the new year, I know he's continuing that work in a more internal way. I feel like it's easy for me to invite people into my house even if there are crumbs waiting to be swept. I can let go of chores in a way that used to drive me crazy. But internally I still struggle with wanting to maintain order. I've been known to verbally erupt all over my kids and husband.

Recently, I can across that picture above from Isle of Palms, South Carolina, when I was looking for something else. I really like the contrast of the darkness being the background. The grass upon the sand seems to divide the light and dark.

I've been in the darkness that comes with making demands, holding onto life too tightly, and stressing to maintain order to be in the distance. I'm yearning for the other side, where the light really is marvelous.

I've had "Marvelous Light" by Ellie Holcomb playing often lately. A blogging friend gifted me the song. She had no idea how it was exactly what I needed. Well, actually I had no idea either.

"I am not who I once was, defined by all the things I’d done
Afraid my shame would be exposed
Afraid of really being known
But then He gave my heart a home

So I walked out of the darkness and into the light
From fear of shame into the hope of life
Mercy called my name and made a way to fly
Out of the darkness and into the light ...

There's no place I'd rather be
Your light is marvelous
Your light is marvelous.
You have come to set us free
You are marvelous
Your light is marvelous"

{From "Marvelous Light" by Ellie Holcomb}

It's this song that put the word "light" in my mind. And then I kept reading scriptures that echoed what my heart needs to hear:

1 Peter 2:9 :: "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

John 8:12 :: "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'"

Matthew 5:16 :: "... let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

Matthew 11:28-30 :: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." 

God created the light that is day and the darkness that is night. And he's been in charge from the beginning. I want to be a light that glorifies him and in doing so I know he lightens my load, giving me more opportunities to delight in everyday life. And, really, there's no place I'd rather be than in his marvelous light.

There you have my one word for 2014: LIGHT. Do you make resolutions or perhaps choose a word to focus on in the new year? If so, what's on your mind as we start again?
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I'm joining others approaching the new year with a new focus: Compassion International bloggers. One Word 365. Circles of Faith. Three Word Wednesdays at Simply Beth. 

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Weekend Words

The Radical Life of an Evangelical :: I don't love the word "evangelical." But while reading this, I realized it's not the word as much as the misinterpretation of it. "Evangelical is not a word for an outdated cultural movement, but a way to wrap your whole life around a cup and a cross. It’s not an empty promise for prosperity, but investing our very lives in each other because of an empty tomb." Well done, Jennifer Dukes Lee.

A Mom's Lenten Journey: Less Yelling, More Praying :: Um, wow. I could have written this. Well, except, Erin actually has a plan to address what she wants to change. The arguing and negotiating from my 3-year-old boy has {unfortunately} prompted some yelling lately. I need to cling to the truth before I let words spew out of my mouth. I'm thankful I read this just when I needed it most.
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Weekend Words

Dear Scarlette, Lessons in Latergramming :: I love technology, but this is a beautiful reminder of how it does sometimes crowd our life and make us missing out on truly living. This is the first time I've read Kayla Aimee, but I'm glad I clicked on a link from Blogher. Here's to a balance between being online and offline!

Why you shouldn't judge the mom in front of you at the checkout line ... :: I've been both the mom trying to keep it all together until I got out of the store into the comforts of my minivan and the mom at the back of the line internalizing my judgmental thoughts. Hooray to Genny Heikka for this practical encouragement for moms everywhere in the line.

"I'm Adopted" :: This is my favorite Slugs & Bugs song. In fact, it's one of my favorite songs by anyone. Yes, I have two adopted kids, but I'm also not sure I've ever heard the gospel summed up so succinctly or beautifully. This new video makes the message even better, even though I had no idea that was possible. Well done, Randall Goodgame and team.

I've Never Been Told That Before :: Jennifer Schmidt doesn't know me, but, goodness, I feel like she wrote this for me. I often leave a conversation and wonder if I've said too much. Let's just hope God uses the most important words that come out of my mouth and I realize when I need to shut up.

Isaiah Canaan: Tale of two contrasting seasons :: I'm certainly glad #3 is back, even if this season isn't like last season. I'm a loyal Murray State fan, so it's fun to watch a player who cares about his future and the community that gave him a chance to play four years of college basketball.
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{God-sized Dreams} Buddies

I don't like the word buddy.

{Cringe}

Buddy makes me think about the time Greg didn't know the last names of some of his pick-up basketball playing friends. Greg's great uncle also has a dog named Buddy. Then there is an elf.

I call my son "buddy" sometimes. But then I cringe. Don't even get me started "bubby."

If someone asks, "Did your buddies come over Saturday?" I want to say, "No, my dearest friends who have sustained me and encouraged me and lived life with me came over." But, you know, my husband has taught me not all my responses have to be so dramatic.

In most cases, buddy seems to make relationships seem more superficial than that really are to me. I know people who choose this word don't feel the same. I know they aren't devaluing my relationships. They don't have that power and I'm certain that's not their intention anyway.

But then Holley Gerth asked me to partner with a God-sized Dream buddy from our Facebook group who I would encourage as another committed to be my cheerleader. She also reminded me of the importance of real-life dream buddies.

Honestly, I found myself giggling at her word choice. She has no idea that the word makes me laugh and cringe simultaneously. But her message was yet again one of truth and nudging accountability. {Side note: If you don't know her, dig into her blog or her books. She'll tell you things and make you think she's sitting across the table from you.}

Once I got done giggling and cringing, I truly appreciated Holley's encouragement and I jumped into the partnering thread in our Facebook group and started connecting with these new dreamer friends. Honestly, the possibility of these moments creating new friendships is one thing I adore about social media. Technology has changed our social culture and made our world smaller.

And now I have encouragement coming from Southaven, Mississippi, and Alabama's Gulf Coast. It's supposed to be I encourage one and one encourages to me. But I can already tell the encouragement is going to go both ways as I'm getting to know Tonya and Jessica. I'm excited to share dreams and stories. And we hope you join us.

While it's no official buddy system, I've also been blessed by another new dreamer friend who was willing to read my book draft. Her email was packed full of awesome ideas, several of which I plan to implement. Elizabeth Anne has encouraged me with her perspective, comments and critique. Plus, I'm pretty sure we'd be friends in real, everyday life anyway.

Then there is my everyday life, in which I'm blessed with dear friends who lives are intertwined with mine. I like it that way. In fact, I prefer it that way. I couldn't do life without them. They inspire me and sustain me and dream with me and plan with me and have conversations over lunch while our kids talk and sing louder than we'd ever choose with me. Jaclyn, Sarah, Jenn, and Courtney have copies of my rough draft in their hands. They're reading {or have read ...} part of my dream and our friendships found their ways into the pages. I don't want to call them buddies, but just this one I will. But only because what they are to me is what Holley was implying when she spoke of the importance of having a support system surrounding me.

On my application for Holley's Dream Team, I had to list a real-life dreamer buddy. I listed Holly. I introduced you to her dream earlier this month. I emailed telling her I wanted to label her as my "dream buddy." And her response pretty much summed up our friendship: I'll be your dream buddy for life.

So there it is. I'm surrounded my own personal dream team of buddies. Tomorrow I think I'll call them friends.

Who helps you chase your dreams and supports your moves to capture them?
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Tuesdays are God-sized Dream days around here and I'm linking this post along with many, many other dreamers on Holley Gerth's blog. You'll find encouragement, truth and community there. Want more? Subscribe to get "Insights" in your inbox. Or follow me on Twitter.

{Five Minute Friday} Cherished

For the first time I'm participating in Five Minute Friday, a link-up project at Lisa-Jo Baker's blog. This week the prompt was "Cherished ..." Here is what she says over there: We write because we love words and the relief it is to just write them without worrying if they’re just right or not. So we take five minutes on Friday and write like we used to finger paint. For joy in the process. No matter how messy the result.

Cherished makes me think about two things. Babies who grow into toddlers who grow into preschool who go to kindergarten. My mind doesn't go much past that because that's where I am with my oldest. "Cherished" also reminds me of moments.

Moments with my two kids. Moments that having these two kids have changed me. I'm never going to be the same person because of these two. Not just any two. These two. They were meant to be ours.

I want to cherish the way Ben goes from toddler ways to preschool ways in the blink of an eye. I want to cherish the way Cate wants me to help her get dressed in the morning then the later that evening wants to give herself a shower. She and I don't cherish the mornings like Daddy and Ben do. I want to cherish our meals around the table, where conversation is interrupted because Ben has to be reminded to sit down. Again. I want to cherish Cate capturing so many details in her stories. I want to cherish playing board games, which requires infinite amounts of patience for Ben but is a love language to Cate.

STOP. Man, that five minutes went by fast. 

Want to join us? Here are Lisa-Jo's rules: 1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking. 2. Link back here and invite others to join in. 3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. That is like the one rule we all really care about. For reals.

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Hello, 2013 ...

Some snow changed our post-Christmas travel plans, which among other things meant we would be home for New Year's Eve. My best friend and I have spent all but two {we think ...} New Year's Eves together since 1998. That makes this year our 13th annual celebration that generally include friends, games, food, laughter and talk about whether we'll actually make it to midnight.

This year we got home from Louisville about New Year's Eve afternoon and restored some order to the boxes, bags, and suitcase we dumped in our floor as soon as we walked in the door. Greg went to the grocery for a few soft drinks and other food to share with our friends. We decided to order pizza that could be delivered even though we'd had pizza {albeit different pizza} the night before for dinner. And then I realized other than the rolls of toilet paper in each of the bathrooms, we didn't have any more Angel Soft.

Yep. I was having a party with three other families at my house. That's eight adults and eight kids. And I didn't have three full rolls of toilet paper. So I asked Jaclyn if we could have a couple rolls. And, honestly, it didn't phase me. We have that kind of friendship. And, well, this was our 13th New Year's Eve party together. Plus there are the near-weekly lunches, everyday texts and conversations, walking laps as a way of socializing and exercising, scrapbook nights, and regular Settlers of Catan game nights.

I realized asking my best friend for some toilet paper was setting the tone for 2013. And I was good with how it was going. Really. 

You see, I'd been thinking about and praying about a word that could be my focus for the new year. Resolutions stress me out. I have a rule-following, perfectionist-striving, Type-A personality. I don't want to add a list of to-dos to my life and then feel bad when I don't follow through like I wish I would. But I do appreciate the idea that God doesn't want to leave me where I am. I'm dreaming some God-sized dreams and learning about how perfection has no place in life, especially motherhood. I knew God would lead me to mesh these two topics with my ordinary life in a way that could be captured in a word.

And when I asked Jaclyn if I could have a couple rolls of toilet paper, the word came to me.

Imperfect.

I want to embrace imperfection, rejoice even when imperfect circumstances come my way, learn from imperfection, and realize imperfection is the process by which God is perfecting me. 

The New Year's Eve party was fun. Nobody cared about the simple dinner of delivered pizza. Jaclyn didn't mind sharing a couple rolls of toilet paper {which, by the way, wasn't even really needed because my husband discovered a nearly full package of Angel Soft in the upstairs hall closet the following day!}. We laughed and shared our lives while all eight children slept in various rooms. Oh, and, we almost made it to the new year together.

How would you sum up your focus for 2013 in one word? 
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H-O-P-E

This was on the "Courageous" calendar that sits in our bathroom last week. And I've been thinking about it since. I've even changed wording in emails because I tend to overuse h-o-p-e. I use it as a passing thought. I hope you have a good day. Or I hope you feel better. And I really mean it. But then I read this: Hope is not a fragile wish or a dream that fades with time -- it's an anchor of the soul, held secure by the unchangeable promises of God. I'm left feeling like I throw around such a powerful word way too often and use it out of its everlasting context.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. 

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation. {Romans 5:1-11}

I hope you realize that's real hope. And it's a hope worth holding on to in all moments of life, not just the casual conversational ones. It's everlasting. Like Andy Dufresne wrote to his friend after escaping Shawshank Prison, "Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." This hope God promises us as we put our trust in Him is best kind of good thing. 

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