Mid-week relief for all your days

Sometimes I get to Wednesday relieved I survived Monday and Tuesday.

When I start my to-do list of things that need to happen the next week, I always write it on my Monday calendar. And then I spend Monday running errands, replying to emails, and taking care of all sorts of business – like it all has to be done before lunch the first work day of the week.

Whatever doesn’t happen Monday is rolled over to Tuesday. And surely I get it all done by Wednesday, right?

Of course not!

There’s always something to be done. It’s not always important or even necessary. Some days I get the priorities messed up. And other days I realize it’s OK to sit down with a fiction book that may not help me solve all the world’s problems.

My tendency is to bow down to productivity. I’m such a work-before-play girl. But I’m slowly realizing that’s no way to live – not on Mondays or any other day of the week.

Because it doesn’t all have to be finished today.

It’s impossible it’ll all be done today.

So don’t forget to rest. I’m encouraging you while reminding myself: Read your Bible. Write someone you miss a letter. Call your friend on the phone. Pick up that fiction book you’ve been waiting to read. Get a pedicure. Go on a walk with a friend. Play a game with your kids. Bake a pie, if that’s your thing. Watch a movie with your husband.

Or just sit there.

There’s no right way to rest.

But there’s power in remembering that to-do list doesn’t haven’t to be conquered by lunchtime on Monday. I’ve been telling myself: It’s OK to slow down and sit down. In fact, there are plenty of days it’s not until I sit down I remember to Whom I should bow down. I lose sight of God when I’m rushing around, striking the next task off my Monday calendar like it owns me.
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I’m linking this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee’s #TellHisStory and Holley Gerth’s Coffee for your Heart. I've written on this subject before, inspired by Jennifer Dukes Lee's "Love Idol."

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We are preapproved.

We're preapproved. I've been repeating that to myself silently as I go about my everyday life. And I've been repeating it to my 7-year-old girl as we wrap up the school year this week. 

Jennifer Dukes Lee introduced me to the term "preapproved." Well, you know, when it's used beyond what a credit card company tells you. But it's a truth God's been trying to get me to understand for years. Decades, really.

"She is who she is -- organized, tidy, high-achieving, and genetically predisposed to an approval addiction under the subclass known as perfectionism. But we are both learning that a fine line separates perfectionism and excellence. We're trying to keep on the healthy side of that line, with God's daily nudging. (We) are learning that life in grace is about a Savior, not gold stars on a chart."

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

{And this is the second time this year an author has written about perfectionism versus excellence in a way that reminds me this is God's lesson for me. The other time was in "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch.}

I'm certainly not perfected yet, but I'm understanding this preapproval of mine that comes through Christ alone more than ever. Clearly repetition is how I learn, so thanks for joining me in the journey. Yes, sometimes I try too hard for the gold stars, but then God scatters glitter in my life to remind me what matters.

Maybe the end-of-the-school-year papers and projects are stressing out your Type A soul. Perhaps you're doing everything you can to fix a relationship that seems to be crumbling. Do all the ways you're different from others in your life seem so big right now? Maybe the to-do list is dictating your days.

I've been there. Lots of times. Thankfully, I'm getting a new perspective, even if it's a slow soul process. I'm going to keep repeating: I'm preapproved. We're preapproved. And to my girl: You're preapproved.

Yes, even when ...

... the dinosaur diorama {that my girl cleverly labeled a "dino-rama"} is smaller and less elaborate that the others in the class. Who knew families would make bigger-than-shoeboxes dioramas? People, this project is due one week before school lets out for the summer. Yeah, no paper mache volcano for us. I was happy to help Cate cut and glue paper to implement the ideas she had. And we're still loved. Comparison too often steals that joy.

... you eat out because the grocery store seems daunting or you asked your husband to bring home salads because you spent the afternoon at the park with your friend instead of preparing dinner. Productivity and errands don't define my days; God's love for me does.

... we're apparently the only family who chose to send supplies to school to construct a cardboard box car for the end-of-school program. The note from the teacher clearly stated we could make it at home or send it to school. Um, that's a no brainer for this momma. But, hey, I helped gathered supplies for her to take with her to make the box car. And then a week later stopped in Dollar General after drop off to get some more supplies because we forgot a steering wheel and ribbon for straps so she can wear the car. Again, don't let comparison distract you from what matters and what is true.

... someone in the house loses one, er, maybe two, library books. There's a lesson in responsibility in there but no love is lost.

... people don't understand your intentions or decisions. It's OK not everyone shares the same convictions. Love others because God loves you. For me, this sometimes means admitting I was wrong.

... the words don't come even though your head is full of thoughts. Even when you're a writer. Our stories matter, but there's no mandate on how or when to tell them.

... you're waiting and unsure what's next. God's still got you. He still hears the desires of your heart.

God's going to keep nudging. We're going to keep growing and learning and losing and doubting and wondering and deciding and loving and trying and winning and creating and doing. We get to do all those things because Christ approved us and chose us long ago on a cross.
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You can read more about Jennifer Dukes Lee's "Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself through God's Eyes," a book that explores the idea we're preapproved in Christ and some more of my previous thoughts on the message here. I guest posted at Jennifer Dukes Lee's blog earlier this month on the subject, specifically how motherhood has spurred me along in this process. 

I'm joining #TellHisStory over at Jennifer's place, Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday and Coffee for Your Heart at Holley Gerth's blog. If you're looking for encouragement built on truth, you'll want to visit these ladies' online homes. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

How motherhood helped me smash idols

Seven years ago today, I became a momma. An adoption process that also was a faith journey led me to that hospital room, where I held my baby girl for the first time. She was just hours old and we’d witnessed her brave birth mom deliver her into this world.

I knew being a mom would change me. I just had no idea how much.

I came into motherhood a perfectionist who wanted to control details, define days by how much I accomplished, and measure my worth by how long my baby slept and how she behaved. I embraced motherhood, but I held on too tightly to a desire for approval from anyone who would give it to me.

Then I saw my reflection in my daughter's little life. I saw her scared to try something new because she hadn't yet mastered it. I saw her mood crumble when life didn't go the way she expected. I saw her stress about first-grade homework.

I understood every single one of those scenarios she was facing. I knew how she felt inside.

Yet God had brought me on a journey to smash those idols – those replacement loves that distracted me from Christ’s love. It’s been a long, hard journey to admit and then abandon my perfectionist ways that crave approval.

{Read the rest at Jennifer Dukes Lee's blog, where I'm sharing about my love idol journey.}

Yes, I'm going to mention Jennifer's book again because it's been that powerful in my life. "Love Idol" by Jennifer Dukes Lee is worth your time and money ... and, most importantly, your heart. I've been thinking about re-reading it already. 
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More of God

Jesus is still risen today. And next week. And next month. And in November.

That's what I've been thinking about today.

The mourning and waiting and celebrating really are what make Easter matter, but they also exist in our everyday life. That's what I want to remember on this Monday after the celebrating and proclaiming and praising.

I gave up worshiping Productivity for Lent. And, honestly, I feel like God changed me in those 46 days. I don't say that to be dramatic, but because not bowing down to my to-do list created with much-too-high expectations is a process God has had me on. For years. So, obviously, I'm not a totally different person in six and a half weeks, but I'm less stressed and less hurried because God taught me some things.

My days are less defined by my production. I've laid down my to-do list for relationships. I've set aside what I thought I needed to do for my friend who needed some help and encouragement.

I've gotten plenty done in what's a busy season, but I've enjoyed my life in the process. I'm embracing a one-thing-at-a-time approach. Yes, I write things down on my calendar that's usually in my purse, but I cross them off when I can.

Sure, some days I rushed around and spoke harsher in the hurry, but those moments have been less. And I've realized God's given me perspective to balance my natural tendencies.

I've demanded less of myself so I can have more of God. 

For someone who has crammed too much into her calendar for far too long, it's quite appropriate I ended the Lenten season on my the back porch of our lake house with a fiction book, good food, my family, and my best friend's family. The view there gives peace to my soul, regardless of whatever is happening in real life.

"Christ continually shouts through the universe, 'You have a love that is already yours. You have nothing to prove to anyone. You have nothing to prove to Me. You are significant and preapproved and utterly cherished. Not because you are good, but because are you are Mine.' ... This is what God does, this God of all glory and dominion who reaches down with a holy hand to lift our chins and turn our eyes toward the Son, so we may look full in His wonderful face and 'forget ourselves.'" 

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

Isn't that what the Easter message is really about? As I let God deeper into my life, I remember Jesus is enough. Who I am because of what he endured on a cross and how he shocked the world by rising again is what should define my days.
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This Lenten journey was prompted by Jennifer Dukes Lee's book "Love Idol." You can read my previous "Love Idol"-inspired posts here. Obviously, I recommend the book, if you haven't read it. {I posted a review here.}

I'm linking this post with Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party, Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory and Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday.

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Relax your heart

She tapped on my elbow again. After several prior physical therapy appointments, I knew this meant to relax. She didn't want me controlling my own reach. She wanted to see how far my shoulder could rotate up and sideways and back without the pestering pain.

That pain was what brought me into the physical therapy room that morning and several other mornings in February and March. This particular morning she was evaluating my progress.

She wanted to see if the massaging and stretching and pulling and prodding had loosened my shoulder and surrounding muscles and if my reach and rotation had improved. She measured and asked questions, like a post test. The pain was mostly gone but the reach and rotation was still less than normal.

And she reminded me to relax my arm. Again. "You have trouble relaxing your arm. You must like to be in control over your own movements," she said. Oh do I ever like to be in control. Of my arm movements, yes, but so many other choices and timelines too.

Like she taps on my elbow, I have to mentally tap myself. Yes, I have to remind myself to relax, but I'm doing better.

I sat with a fiction book the other day. The kids were playing outside and the clean clothes just waited for me to fold them. I started to read "Missing You" by Harlan Coben.

This morning started with a date with my husband. I didn't even look at my to-do list. We talked, laughed, ate breakfast at a restaurant, and enjoyed our spontaneous time together after the kids were off to school with my sister-in-law.

I talked the other day with my daughter instead of rushing into the afternoon homework routine. I understood her in a new way because I didn't hurry.

I left some dirty dishes in the sink after friends were over to watch basketball. I sat next to my husband on the couch and watched more basketball. And then last night we got in bed before 9 and watched an episode of "House of Cards." Yes, I had many different thoughts going through my mind, but I needed to be mentally done with the day instead of pushing myself to do one more thing.

I schedule monthly massages because I need a physical reminder not to carry so much of life on my shoulders. At first I felt guilty, but I let go of that.

Relaxing is part of my cure in laying down the idol named Productivity in my life. Curing perfectionism that seeks approval and and hoards replacement loves instead of Christ's love takes time because it's a process.

Like my shoulder is finding relief through the therapy, my heart is finding relief when I relax. It takes more than one appointment and some stretching, but I'm kinder and slower to anger this way. I'm seeing my daughter who is so much like me with more compassion when she talks about why recess was frustrating. I like life more when I free to enjoy it.

It's the middle of the week. Frustrations may be mounting. Maybe you're weary. Perhaps you have too many things on your mind like I did yesterday. Whatever it is, loosen your grip. Do what you can, but know you can't do it all.

Relax.

Relax your shoulders, yes. Don't carry all the world's problems there.

And relax your heart because from there everything else flows.
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I'm linking this post with two of my favorite encouragers: Holley Gerth, who hosts Coffee for your Heart, and Beth Stiff, who leads Three Word Wednesday. I'm also joining Lyli Dunbar for Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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{Love Idol} Preapproved by the Creator

Ben and Cate were late to school on Friday. I don't like to be late, but I was given a chance to lay down, step on, and crush my idol of Productivity. I failed at first. I rushed people around. I was snippy with everyone while I was frustrate with myself for laying in bed 15 extra minutes.

But once we got in the mini van, I felt my heart relax, even knowing they were going to be late to school. And I let go of the hurried demeanor that too-often steals my joy.

Cate, my first-grader with perfectionist tendencies just like mine, had been wrestling with an insecurity that morning that began with her ponytail and went all the way to her heart. Once I stopped rushing, we talked about what was bothering her on our way to school. Sitting at that one red light and waiting to be able to turn at another intersection slowed us down from getting to school, but it also gave me time to talk to Cate about what was important:

God made her. Her hair isn't going to look like her friend's hair. She was created unique, both in her physical appearance and in every other way. As I told Cate about how God preapproves us because he made us and loves us and isn't waiting on is to perform perfectly, God was speaking to my heart. She wasn't the only one who needed the truth that morning.

And that applies to each of us.

"Until you are convinced of God's incredible love for you, you will continue looking for replacement love everywhere but in the heart of Christ."

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

This truth has been wrecking my heart lately. And I mean wrecking in a way that is ultimately good, even if it's painful and hard at some moments. I've been letting go of replacement loves, some of which are good things. But even good things distract from the best thing.

Jennifer Dukes Lee wrote "Love Idol" not as an expert but as an encourager. Even the subtitle speaks volumes: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval – and Seeing Yourself Through God's Eyes. Jennifer's words, which really are God's message, have seeped into my everyday life. Isn't that where truth changes us anyway? In her book, Jennifer reminded me "any average moment in this life is never really average if we're living each ordinary moment for an extraordinary God."

"To be preapproved means this: We love from our approval, not for our approval. We love without expecting anything in return."

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

I named my idol Productivity. That's what distracts me from focusing on loving God and loving others. I've laid it down these past few weeks, although I've failed plenty of times since. But that's not my only idol. I'm a people-pleasing, perfectionist-craving momma who often wonders if she did enough or said the right thing. The replacement loves abound in my heart and I have to give them back to the Maker moment by moment, again and again. 

But I know my perspective has changed. My to-do list isn't as dominating as it once was. I've yelled less. I've seen my chores and relationships and roles differently. Yes, there's still room for improvement, but at least I know the One is working in changing me. This is a process.

The kids and I walked into school a few minutes late Friday morning. Cate and I hugged each other a little tighter than usual. I reminded her that God loves her and chose her.

I signed in Ben and Cate at the school office at 8:05 and they walked down the hallway to the classrooms. I prayed they carried the truth of being created and chosen by God with them. I prayed they remember they don't have to perform or fit into some mold to know that life-changing love.

And I left the school knowing being a few minutes late that morning wasn't going to ruin our day. Those few minutes actually improved our day and most likely our lives.
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I received a free copy of "Love Idol" for being part of the book's launch team, but I believe in Jennifer Duke Lee's words and am thankful to have this book as a resource. And it's officially releasing early - today! You can buy it from Amazon or many other booksellers. Read the other posts "Love Idol" has inspired here. 

For more encouragement, visit Jennifer Dukes Lee's website and The Love Idol Movement page on Facebook. I'm also linking up with Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party, where idols are also being smashed. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox." This post contains affiliate links.

God's got me when seasons collide

People talk about life in seasons. Summer. College years. Single years. Fall. Newlyweds. Winter. Parenting littles. Parenting school-aged kids. Spring. Empty nesters. And so many other seasons in between.

But sometimes weeks are like seasons.

There was the first week of March that was a snow week around here. Five snow days. In a row. {I already told you about that week.}

And then the next week of March was nuts.

It started with me having a vicious but thankfully short stomach bug while we were out of town and then my husband getting it a few days later. My friend Holly was visiting. There was my physical therapy appointment, the related follow-up appointment with the orthopedic, and Ben's ENT check up. Normal school carpool resumed. My mom, my sister and 3-month-old nephew visited one afternoon, which happened to the warmest day we've had since October. In one day I had two parent-teacher conferences -- one at 7:15 a.m., which meant leaving for school quite a bit earlier than usual, and another at 11:15 a.m., which meant getting home with my preschool boy later than usual. I had to organize a craft for Ben's preschool class's St. Patrick's Day party, which they celebrated a few days early because Friday was his teacher's last day before she enters her new motherhood season and she is fond of the the holiday. Plus I had signed up to bring dessert and drinks for the monthly teacher appreciation lunch. Y'all, I appreciate these teachers. They're worth more than some peanut butter and chocolate squares {Yes, like homemade Reese's Cups. Yes, they're easy and you'll want to make them.} and Diet Coke. And the school/work week ended with three families coming over to celebrate my best friend's 36th birthday around our table.

I'm not sure you could find two completely opposite weeks. But, you know, they were both good. And in some moment of clarity as that busy one was winding down, I realized that contrast I experienced is real life. Like quick seasons, weeks are different. That's part of the process that is life.

Sometimes the weekly seasons even collide, like when Ben found a stick in the 70-degree weather that he used to swat out the mound of snow in the Dairy Queen parking lot. He was wearing short sleeves and we had walked to our outdoor DQ, yet there was still a massive mound of snow sprinkled with asphalt that hadn't managed to melt itself away yet.

I obviously didn't have as much time to write or read in the latter week, but I had opportunities to share life with friends, support my kids' school, and take care of myself. That to-do list of ideas I want to write and projects I want to tackle will still be there next week. Or even the week after that, depending on which one is less filled.

That's life.

God reminded me truly living in a way that embraces the now, even the busier version of now, is better than idolizing Productivity. Ah, yes, remember that idol of mine. I've been reading Jennifer Dukes Lee's "Love Idol," often before bed at night. The house is quiet and the truths slip into my life as I'm processing my day.

"Maybe you have not always been into process. Maybe you have preferred the quick fix, the promise of three steps to a better you. Or better yet, a full-blown miracle. Poof. We're fixed! God could do that if He wanted to, but I'm getting the idea that He has something more to teach us, right in the middle of our battle."

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

Ah, yes, me too. Too often I've rushed the process because I'm too focused on getting wherever I'm going. But so much of my life lately has been about the process. I know God is changing me through the conversations, decisions, reactions, surprises, unmet expectations, relationships, and days. I see glimpses sometimes and other days I just believe.

While it sounds like I may have worshiped Productivity in the latter week, I didn't feel like I did in my heart. And my heart is what God is after anyway. I welcomed the relief in my heart I've been feeling lately. It's so much freer than the demands Productivity makes with its hurry and distraction and crowded ways. When I worship Productivity, I care too much about producing good works and fruit and finished projects. Then I end up failing anyway. When I worship God, I realize my faith sustains me while my stubborn will is shaped to the moment. I don't have to produce or complete or perform to be approved in God's eyes.

So this past week, I laid down projects and ideas and chores so I could be available ... with friends and family, at the school, for my kids, to drive carpool. There was more coming and going, but I didn't feel as distracted as I have in the past when I make myself believe laundry has to be done on Monday. It's OK to fold it on Thursday when I finally have a chance to sit down in front of the TV. {Plus, hello, there is some good Thursday night TV these days.} I took care of some lake house management emails when I could, but not necessarily the second I saw them. I grocery shopped when my appetite returned days after the stomach bug passed, knowing bringing home take out or making scrambled eggs and cinnamon toast wouldn't hurt anyone.

Maybe you had a busy week. Maybe this coming one doesn't seem as crowded. Or maybe you feel like this is a hard one. Like seasons, the weeks change. In some ways, this winter feels like it's dragging on, but I believe spring is coming. I've seen hints of it, like the fresh grass sprouting in my front yard and the single daffodil my girl picked on Saturday. I've had to remember this week and next week will probably look even different than these past two.

But God is still good. No matter the season or the week or the day.

He's still calling me to lay down Productivity and trust him more than my to-do list. God's got me and my days. And here at the beginning of a new week, I hope you know he's got yours too.
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I got an early copy of "Love Idol" for being part of the launch team, but Jennifer Dukes Lee's message about how we're preapproved in Christ is one my heart needs. I'm about half way through the book, but I've read enough and been encouraged enough already that I'm recommending you pre-order "Love Idol," which officially releases April 1. 

Joining Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party and Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory with this post. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Turning my worship from Productivity

A couple friends and I text almost every day. When one of them asks how my day is, I answer immediately with a list of what I've accomplished and what I plan to accomplish. I cite my to-do list. I reference my productivity.

I let accomplishments and productivity define my day. A good day is one when I've conquered errands and chores with time to spare for writing or playing. A frustrating day means my plans have been shuffled or my chores disrupted.

It's no secret I have perfectionist tendencies.

God's been teaching me to let go of those ways, but it's a process. During this journey I've come across books and people who have spoken so much truth into my life. Most recently, this Love Idol movement inspired by Jennifer Dukes Lee's book that releases April 1 has wrecked my heart.

And I mean wrecked in a good, life-changing way. I've only read the introduction and first chapter of "Love Idol," but Jennifer's works have me thinking and praying and surrendering and trusting in a new way.

"Instead of resting in the love and approval of an unseen God, we chase after the temporary pleasures of human validation.

Whatever rules our hearts becomes our lord. The person who seeks approval and acceptance can become controlled by it. The person who is motivated primarily by a need for human affirmation is, in the end, ruled by it.

If we don’t get the love and acceptance we crave, we’re deflated. But if we do get the approval we want, we might not be any better off, for we are tricked into thinking our idols offer fulfillment. And we keep going back for more.

This book is for any of us who want to live content in God’s perfect love, freed up from the wearying demands of the Love Idol."

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

I named my idol Productivity.

In effort to truly let go of my worship of getting things done when there are people right here to love, I spent some time -- lots of time, if I'm honest -- trying to think of what I could give up for Lent, which begins today.

I texted with a friend who is on this journey with me because my extroverted ways often process truth in conversations. I struggled to figure out just what God was calling me to lay down before him.

I thought about my to-do list and calendar. I wondered about silencing my words about productivity. I considered what was pushing my attention on Productivity, that pesky idol that seems to be a good thing.

Sometimes I try to prove to myself I'm more than "just a mom." So I take on projects and volunteer for things that use my skills of organization and promotion. I add commitments to the calendar and then become distracted at home. Last fall, I laid down several commitments that were all good things so I could focus on the best things.

The best thing is that I am a wife, mom and friend. Those roles doesn't necessarily come with appointments that fill specific spaces on the calendar, but they do come with responsibilities and commitments. And that's where I want my attention. God's been working on me this way as I work through "Storyline" with some friends online. I shouldn't be surprised this week's lesson was on our roles. Donald Miller reminded me too much of even the best roles isn't sustainable in the big picture: "When we play too many roles, our story suffers for clarity. ... None of us can connect with everybody. We have to choose."

"Love Idol" is a movement that's reinforcing what's already happening in my heart. So, starting today, I'm going work on my attitude. Instead of rushing the kids out the door because I had to send one more email or start one more load of laundry, I'm going to let those chores wait. Because when I start rushing, my voice gets louder and harsher.

What that means in a practical Lenten sacrifice is I'm not going to yell or rush. I'm not going to let Productivity define my days. When "How is your day?" comes to me in a text, I'm going to answer the question with truth, not with a list of accomplishments and expectations.

This is all a process of sanctification, of being more like my Creator. As I read Angie Smith's "Chasing God," I realize I do chase God when I should be following him.

"We will take one more and more characteristics of our God, and our attitudes and behavior will be different. But don't think it's something you're in control of or that' it's a project God dumped in your lap and told you to complete.

Paul explains, 'And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit' (2 Corinthians 3:18).

... the phrase 'being transformed' is in a passive tense, indicating that we aren't in charge of transforming ourselves; it's the work of the Holy Spirit within us. ... So the sermon notes, the stacks of Christian books, and all the fellowship potlucks you have on your calendar are a waste of time if you aren't relying on Him. Our strength is just not enough to make us grow in holiness."

{Angie Smith in "Chasing God"}

For me, worshiping Productivity is me trying to transform myself. That's not my role in sanctification and true transformation.

Holley Gerth reminded me in a conversation last weekend that working harder isn't always the answer. Becoming a worker takes away the worship God wants from our lives. Using our gifts and loving on the people near us is worship, but idolizing Productivity takes away from the glory God wants to display.

Of course, there are going to be days where chores and work are required, but I want to live in a way that my completion of those tasks doesn't make or break my day. Yes, there are going to be appointments I have to keep, but I want to go in a way that doesn't cause stress and harsh, loud words.

I'm going to lay down Productivity so I can be the wife, mom and friend God wants me to be. He's created me for this and he sees my heart, not all the check marks and accomplishments on my calendar. In Christ alone, I'm enough and chosen and a child of God and made new and treasured and free and redeemed and held and whole and loved and cherished and known and beloved and valuable. And I'm preapproved. There's nothing I can do to change any of that.
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As part of the launch team for "Love Idol" by Jennifer Dukes Lee, I got a sneak peek into the pages of this book. The subtitle is worth taking in too: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself through God's Eyes. Who can't relate to that? The book will be available April 1, but you can pre-order it now. You can also join the Love Idol Movement page on Facebook. 

With this post, I'm joining Jennifer's #TellHisStory community, where she beautifully tells why she's covering all her mirrors for Lent. 

This is fourth "Storyline" post as I make my way through the workbook with friends. You can read my previous posts here. They're really part of this process, which you can tell by their names, especially Only Love Today and People Over Projects. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox." This post contains affiliate links. 

Grace that inspires

With markers in hand, Cate was creating a detailed picture for Gran-Gran's birthday present. It involved a rainbow and leprechaun. Although I'm not entirely sure of the significance, I know she had a plan. When Ben haphazardly swiped the red marker across the corner of the paper near the sunshine, Cate was irritated. She thought her vision was messed up with the stray red markers.

I totally get that reaction, but I reminded her  Gran-Gran was going to love whatever she made. With some convincing, she let go of the irritation she had for Ben's interference and finished her picture while Ben kept his marks on his own picture.

We went about our weekend that included a granddaughter-planned surprise party for Gran-Gran. I forgot about the picture snafu the day before.

The day after the party, Cate was talking about how she made the sunshine rays out of the red mark Ben left on her paper. She was talking to me, but Ben was listening closely.

"You aren't mad?" Ben asked.

"No. That was yesterday," Cate said

She had no hesitation in her voice. She meant it.

She had moved on. Truly.

I explained how she was demonstrating grace and forgiveness to her brother. Having held onto too many grudges myself, I was proud of her for realizing letting go was so much freer than dwelling on imperfect interference.

"I thought I just changed my attitude," Cate said in response to my lesson on grudges.

Ah, yes, an attitude adjustment. She's right. Changing her attitude helped her let go. Letting go helped her enjoy the rest of the day, including the party she was thrilled to plan with her cousins.

Grudges create barriers between people and hearts. Grace opens the door to joy.
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Author Holley Gerth asks, Who inspires you?

These two little ones do. {They wouldn't like me calling them little. But they're 6 1/2 and 4. They're still little.}

They're full of joy and ideas and dreams and grace. Yes, sometimes the energy and ideas pile on my weary momma brain and lead me to mental exhaustion. But their innocence and life remind me of what matters.

Some days I don't feel equipped to be a mom, their mom.

I don't want Cate to carry a burden of perfectionism like I have for so long. Her personality leans that way already, and I want to show her freedom that only comes from laying it all down at the foot of the cross.

I don't want to silence Ben's joy, but on the days I become annoyed with the noises and repeating words and constant movement I'm afraid that's what I'll end up doing. Knowing how best to channel his energy while still training him that there are times to stop talking and moving is hard.

But then I see Cate's big, brown eyes soaking up life and Ben plotting his next joke and endearing interaction. God reminds me of the faith journey he's brought me on. Their adoptions followed a heart-wrenching infertility season. Their lives are testimonies to God's faithfulness.

God most certainly wanted me to a be a mom, their mom. 

Learning about laying down perfection and teaching my daughter to do the same is possible because of the faith journey that led us here. Figuring out how to be a boy mom is part of my story. These two are my God-sized dreams personified. Greg and I want God to have his way in our family. I don't always know what that means, but I know the One who does, even on the hard days.

If I knew how to do it all perfectly right now, then I wouldn't need the One who gives and sustains life. I want that grace that Cate showed her brother to swing our front door open. I want joy to come in here.
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I'm joining writers at God-sized Dreams, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday, and Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory. 

This post is part of something happening in my heart hearing the message that I'm pre-approved in God's love. Next week I'll join Jennifer Dukes Lee and others who are saying yes to God and laying down idols as the Lenten season begins. I've gotten a sneak peek at "Love Idol: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself through God's Eyes," Jennifer's book that is inspiring this movement. I've read enough to know you'll want to pre-order it and have it in your hands when it releases on April 1. Her post today introduces you to the movement and offers some fun printables. 

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