Thursday, May 10, 2012

I am not alone.

When the path is daunting
And every step exhausting
I'm not alone
I'm not alone, no, no
I feel you draw me closer
All these burdens on my shoulder
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
You pull me me from this place

You carry me every day
You carry me all all the way
You carry me to the
You carry me to the cross

How your love has moved me, yeah
To the foot of all your glory
I'm not alone, I'm not alone
I'm not alone ...

I was a bear when I woke up this morning. A loud, snippy bear. Just ask my husband and kids.

Emotions I had been giving up because I knew they were a skewed picture of reality apparently welled up in me overnight. The angry words, frustrated emotions, and snippy attitude came out before I could give them up again. "Choose joy," I tell myself. "You can choose joy," my husband texts me.

Yes, I can.

And I do. Sometimes.

But I sometimes I just crumble. And when I crumble, unfortunately, the angry words tend to come before the tears. Just when I'd get the tears to stop and dry my eyes long enough to walk my daughter into preschool for her last day, Jaclyn texted me words of love and understanding. She knows how being emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed with our ordinary life as mommas feels. And she knows the same truth I strive to build my life upon. She knows me. We're wired much the same.

And so then later when I told her I was sitting in the Big Lots parking lot drying my eyes {again} and listening to an appropriate song {listen above} on the radio, she showed up {That's the beauty of a small town!} to give me a hug. And we chatted about the big things and the little things, all in a matter of 10 minutes.

I felt alone when I laid in bed this morning wondering why my husband wasn't disciplining our son like I would. I've felt alone this week when my husband has worked longer than usual. I've felt alone because men and women are build differently and feel differently. {Yes, I sense the selfishness typing these goofy emotions out ...}

But, really, I'm not alone. And feeling one way is different than reality. Emotions can cloud my perspective oh-so quickly.

My husband, who hates to text, texted me most of the morning. He spoke truth, which sometimes hurts. He loved me with words. And he changed his lunch plans for me. My friend of 14 years who knew me long before we became mommas and now walks through motherhood with me showed up in a parking lot. And God created me and carries me, even when I fail with my words and actions and grumble through the house like a mean, ugly bear first thing in the morning.


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