Ten Things I Learned in March

1. Being sick as a mom may mean enduring more than laying on the couch.

I woke up with a stomach bug when we were in Nashville, Tenn., the second weekend of the month. Puking in hotel and mall bathrooms is no fun. I know, the mall. I was only at the mall because that's where Rainforest Cafe is and my son had been talking about going there for AN ENTIRE YEAR. Seriously, since last time we went. So I couldn't back out on him ... or our table of 18. Really. One table of seven kids 10 to 2 years old and another table of 10 adults and a baby.

No worries, the tables were right next to each other and other adults paid attention to my two kids while I laid my head on the table between gulps of Sprite Zero and water. My brother-in-law told me wanting to drink anything was progress. Maybe he was right because I didn't throw up any more that day, of course, I didn't eat anything either.

We then avoided the Lego, Disney, Build-a-Bear and Bass Pro Shop stores so I could return home to my couch, where a sick momma truly belongs. Thank God for my husband and my friend Holly who was visiting from Texas who picked up my parenting slack.

2. An entire week of snow days is welcomed, but then that next Monday morning that comes right after the time change is hard. 

On March 10, I had to wake my 4-year-old Ben up for preschool for the first time ever, I think. Of course, that was also the first day in March school had been in session, thanks to two weekends and a snow week.

Oh, and, hey, did I mention that Monday reached 65 degrees and the kids got to play outside after school? Yes. And all the mommas rejoiced.

3. A friend who gives my daughter the gift of words blesses me. 

Speaking of Holly visiting from Texas, she brought my girl some books from her childhood. Those were in addition to the ones she mailed the week before she came. And then she taught her how to play Words with Friends. What sweet gifts of encouraging a love of words, which Holly and I share and are happy to pass along to Cate.

4. I really like to read non-fiction, but fiction is a good way to let my mind relax.

I recently finished "Love Idol" by Jennifer Dukes Lee. It's a book that allowed me to see some truths God has been trying to teach me in recent years in a new way. It's truly been a life-changing journey and that book has been a valuable resource. I finished the book several days ago and I'm still thinking about it. Meanwhile, I started reading Harlan Coben's new book, "Missing You." Nothing like a little suspense to balance all the internal processing.

I also recommend another book I read this month: "Surprised by Motherhood" by Lisa-Jo Baker. It officially releases on April 1. You can read my review here.

5. Dads have good parenting stories too.

In a momma-dominated blogging world, it was refreshing to have dads guest post on my blog earlier this month. In an continuing effort to embrace imperfection, I've loved digesting "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch. In conjunction with their book release week, I had some dads come share their own stories of realizing their kids aren't perfect and never will be. {Oh, yes, consider that another book recommendation for you!}

6. Those postseason college basketball tournaments that aren't the NCAA Tournament can be fun if my favorite team is playing. 

Murray State is in the semi-final round of the CollegeInsider.com Postseason Tournament. Yeah, the CIT. I've made fun of all these acronymed tournaments that aren't the NCAA too. But, hey, my Racers are still playing. And the games have been the kind that make the arena loud. That's March Madness ... at least on some level.

7. "House of Cards" is a good show. 

Who knew Netflix original productions would hook me like that? Kevin Spacey is so good as Frank Underwood. I like the behind-the-scenes drama of journalism and politics colliding and I enjoy the suspense of the story unfolding. Speaking of drama, "The Good Wife" has been rocking this season and "Scandal" is nuts in a way that keeps me watching.

8. Winning a local trivia night fund-raiser is fun.

Along with our two best other couple friends, we came in first out of 14 teams. The TV Theme Songs category really helped us. We brought home enormous Hershey's bars, trophies and gift certificates. {See picture at the top of the post!}

9. My kids have never been into a movie like they are Frozen.

The music. The characters. The story. They love it all. Yes, they, my 4-year-old boy is into almost as much as his 6-year-old sister. We had March 18 on the countdown app on my phone and they literally waited by the door for the UPS man to deliver the package from Amazon. He showed up about 4:30 p.m. that afternoon and they started watching it at 4:31 with much rejoicing. They watched it three other times that week and haven't stopped talking or singing about it.

I don't usually care about animated movies, but I like "Frozen" as much as any animated movie I've ever seen. That's not hyperbole; that's the truth. It's right up there with "The Lion King" for me.

10. When I find songs I like, I listen to them over and over. 

My most played songs this month are Ellie Holcomb's new album "As Sure As the Sun," NeedtoBreathe's "The Heart," and MercyMe's "You Are I Am."

Tell me about your March. What have you seen and heard and read and experienced?
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I'm loving documenting life with these monthly along with Emily Freeman. Here are previous month's recaps from 2013: June. July. August. September. October. November. And 2014: January. February.

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{No More Perfect Kids}Uniqueness Balances Expectations

This week we're hearing real-life stories from dads. Letting go of perfection is a message from which everyone in your family can benefit. "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch has been a fabulous resource for me. You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

Today's post is courtesy James Allen, who grew up in the same Oldham County schools as me. I'm thankful Facebook lets me keep up with friends like James. His life truly revolves around kids as a father to two and educator to many. 
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First, thank you, Kristin, for letting me add my thoughts to this conversation. It really helps to get ideas from you and other parents on how to survive this adventure. We all want the best for our kids and it really helps to know we have friends near and far to turn to when we need some advice and encouragement.

I have two boys. Davis is 6 and Jamesson is 3. My confession: I do worry every day if I’m doing everything I should be as a parent. Is this normal? I think it is to an extent, especially under the microscope of our current society and media, which dictate, analyze, and critique every aspect of our parenting.

Do we read enough? Do I let them play enough? Should I expect them to pick up their toys? Is their diet healthy? Should I be spending more time with them? Am I being selfish with my own time? Am I too easy on them? Am I too hard on them?

I swear I ask myself some or all of these questions multiple times a day, but …

I try not to let these questions rule or ruin my time with my family, even though that's difficult. Sometimes the balance is there, but other times I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing and wonder who ever thought it would be a good idea to make me a dad? My near-constant inner voice continues, but I do my best to enjoy little moments without judgment or criticism.

Although I was fortunate enough as a child to have two parents who loved and took care of me, I do think about the things that I wish had been a little different as I grew up. I think all the time about what I would want to be the same for my boys growing up and what I think should be different. This constant tug-of-war and balancing act can be more than a little stressful.

Being a teacher and being married to a teacher is a real blessing. Sarah and I have worked with thousands of kids and we have a real appreciation of the FACT all kids are not all the same. Knowing how unique kids can be, even in our own tiny community, helps me put in perspective the expectations I have for Davis and Jamesson. They will grow up to be the people they are going to be, both with my help, and in spite of it. My experience in education really helps make that idea easier to handle.
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James Allen is a librarian and school technology coordinator at Oldham County High School in his 13th year of teaching. He enjoys time with his family, practicing photography, and making music.
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{No More Perfect Kids} The Reality of Real Life

This week we're hearing real-life stories from dads. Letting go of perfection is a message from which everyone in your family can benefit. "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch has been a fabulous resource for me. You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

Now, let's welcome Dr. Rob Currie. I was glad Jill Savage recommended him for this real-life dads series of mine and I was thankful he was willing to participate. 
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What are parents to do when they learn their child has a serious problem? My wife and I were faced with that when our son was in third grade. That's when we learned that he struggled with reading comprehension. That was 13 years ago, but I remember well the parent-teacher conversation when we received the news. I was crushed. My wife and I were troubled because reading comprehension affects nearly every subject in school.

What intensified the difficulty for our son was that he attended a school that had a challenging academic program. This meant he was falling far behind both his peers' performance and his teachers’ expectations when it came to reading comprehension.

In addition to being unpleasant news, it caught us by surprise. We’d always made reading an emphasis with our son. We read to him, took him to the library, kept a variety of stimulating books around the house, and every night we read to him at bedtime. Given the effort we’d put into his literacy, we never thought he'd struggle with reading.

But with prayer, psychological testing, and trying out different strategies at home, we discovered he understood material very well if it was read to him. He followed the flow of ideas and had meaningful comments about what he's just heard.

We eventually settled on homeschooling because we could work with him one on one, reading his books to him. Years have passed since then. He graduated from high school four years ago. After trying out several jobs, he's chosen truck driving as a career. It's a good fit for him and we're happy for him.

God rarely gives parents the children they dreamed they'd have. Instead, he surprises them with real kids, with complex needs and personalities. The good news is that our real God helps our real kids with their real problems in the middle of their real lives.
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Dr. Rob Currie is a professor of psychology at Judson University in Elgin, Ill., and has spoken at Hearts at Home. He and his wife Kay have two sons. Currie also wrote “Hungry for More of God” and “Preschool Wisdom: What Preschoolers Desperately Want to Tell Parents and Grandparents."
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{No More Perfect Kids} Super-Parents Need Not Apply

This week we're hearing real-life stories from dads. Letting go of perfection is a message from which everyone in your family can benefit. "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch has been a fabulous resource for me. You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

Now, let's welcome Dr. Todd Cartmell. I was glad Jill Savage recommended him for this real-life dads series of mine and I was thankful he was willing to participate. 
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Do you remember the movie "Toy Story"?

There was a dramatic scene where Buzz Lightyear was taped to a rocket on Sid’s (the mean kid) desk and Woody was trapped underneath an old plastic milk crate. This was their last chance to escape and Woody was trying to get Buzz to help. However, a dejected Buzz, who had recently discovered that he was merely a toy, could not find a reason to go on.

Photo courtesy pixar.wikia.com.

Buzz: "You were right all long. I’m not a space ranger, I’m just a toy — a stupid, little, insignificant toy."

Woody: "Whoa, hey, wait a minute. Being a toy is a lot better than being a space ranger."

Buzz: "Yeah, right."

Woody: "No, it is. Look, over in that house is a kid who thinks you are the greatest. And it’s not because you are a space ranger, pal, it’s because you’re a toy. You are his toy."

This is the message that Buzz needed to hear. It is a message that you need to hear as well. You want to be a great mom or dad. But you know that you are not a perfect mom or dad. Your imperfections can be lined up side by side as far as the eye can see.

So can mine.

Just as Buzz Lightyear desperately wanted to be a space ranger, we want to be super-parents for our kids. But Woody’s words to Buzz are the words that we need to hear deep in our hearts as well. Allow me to paraphrase:

Woody: "Look, over in that house (your house) is a kid who thinks you are the greatest. And it’s not because you are a super-parent, it’s because you’re a mom/dad. You are his/her mom/dad."

Your kids don’t need a perfect parent.

They need you.

With all of your flaws and imperfections. With your good days and bad. With your "I wish Oprah could have seen that" moments and the moments you wish you could take back. What do you call less than perfect parents who are doing their best to be great parents to their kids? I call them authentic parents.

Authentic parents do their best to set a godly example for their kids to follow. Authentic parents show their kids how to talk respectfully, even when it is hard. Authentic parents work on solving problems rather than making them worse. Authentic parents honor God by demonstrating patience, kindness, and self-control.

But (get ready for a deep sigh of relief), authentic parents are not perfect. When they handle things the wrong way (which they will do from time to time), they handle that the right way. Yes, you read that correctly. They do wrong right.

Tim and Megan recently came to see me because they wanted to do a better job as parents. They told me about their kids’ negative behavior and also how they responded in ways that were not helpful. We talked about how to set the right example by apologizing to their kids for times they had handled things poorly. I gave them ideas for connecting with their kids and for handling negative behavior in a way that would strengthen their relationships instead of damage them.

Tim and Megan got right to work. They were not perfect parents, but they were authentic parents. They took responsibility for their own words and actions. They were not too proud to apologize when it was called for or seek help when it was needed.

Paul encouraged the believers in Corinth to follow him as he followed Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1). In the same way, your example can show your kids what following Christ is all about. I imagine that your walk with Christ will not be perfect.

But it can be authentic.

And that is exactly the example your kids need to see.

Just ask Woody.
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Dr. Todd Cartmell is a clinical child psychologist who practices at Summit Clinical Services in Wheaton, Ill. He is the author of several parenting books and conducts fun, practical parenting workshops. You can follow Dr. Todd on Facebook and read his blog at www.drtodd.net.
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{No More Perfect Kids} Building Faith & Raising Boys

This week we're hearing real-life stories from dads. Letting go of perfection is a message from which everyone in your family can benefit. "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch has been a fabulous resource for me. You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

Now, let's welcome Eddie Sheridan. I met Eddie in the local newsroom because I was hired to take his place when he decided being a reporter wasn't for him. Our families have crossed paths in our small-town various times since. 
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I think my son may be some sort of genius … and it's freaking me out.

My son, Nathanael, is 7 years old now, and he was my first boy. My wife, Laura, and I had two daughters before he was born, and I was getting pretty comfortable with the thought of only having to raise girls. No having to take anyone with me to the restroom in public, no having to figure out how to have The Talk later on, and especially, especially, especially no having to teach a boy any kind of manly skill.

My anxiety over having to be a father to a son began pretty much the moment we saw that, um, indicator of maleness on the ultrasound (Yeah, folks, I'm one of those guys who must know the sex of the baby. I need some prep time ...) and has remained with me for a good seven years now (eight in October). It was doubled in February 2010 with the birth of my second son, Caleb, which might explain the number of white hairs I'm finding in my beard these days.

If I had to give myself a grade on stuff a guy should be able to do, I would give myself a solid D-. If I weren't able to grill various types of meat for consumption, it would probably be an F. I know diddly about car engines. I don't hunt, and I rarely shoot guns. I can count on one hand the number of times I've gone camping in my life. And I'm pretty sure my wife could beat me at arm wrestling.

Most of all, though, I don't know how to build anything. I also don't know how to repair anything that's already been built. No two words in the English language throw me into a panic more than "home" and "maintenance." Demolition, I can do; putting it back together … eh, well, that's another story. Men's work days terrify me, as I'm just sure I'm going to embarrass myself in some humiliating way before all these guys who I believe could fashion a livable structure out of Duck Tape and Popsicle sticks.

Nathanael, though, loves to build things. Not only does he love to build things, he loves to draw up plans about how he's going to build things. Just recently, he made his own band of musical instruments out of cardboard boxes and plastic cups, and he actually drew out how he was going to do it ahead of time. He's a Lego maniac, and he eagerly hoards away any piece of scrap lumber he finds. Granted, he's 7, so a lot of what he builds doesn't make any sense, but his creativity astounds me.

I know he needs more … and I can't give it to him.

I'm sure opportunities exist for boys with less-than-mechanically-inclined dads to work with their hands, but the thought of having to farm out this part of my son's development makes me feel like a failure as a father. I should be the one teaching him how to measure boards and figure angles and hang sheetrock and finish drywall. I should be the one sweating out projects with him. I should be the one leading him in “the way he should go.”

Before anyone thinks I've forgotten that this is supposed to be about parents not expecing perfection from their children (and not themselves), let me try to bring this around. I fear my son won't turn out to be all he can be because of me. What, then, is the definition of “all he can be”? Does that mean he'll be able to build his own house one day? Does it mean he'll become a famous architect? Or does it just mean he'll be able to show his own children how two Legos snap together when they ask him?

I'll tell you exactly what it means: He will grow up to be a man who loves and follows God with all his heart, soul, mind, body, and strength.

I forget that sometimes. If he's playing soccer, I want him to be the best soccer player on the field. If he's learning to read, I want him to grasp every word. If he's drawing a picture, I want everyone who sees it to be amazed by it. And while wanting him to be the best at whatever he does is not a terrible goal in itself, it becomes skewed when I start defining what “the best” is. There is a fine line to be walked between guiding and pushing.

So if my son never learns how to do anything beyond making macaroni art at the kitchen table, will I be okay with that? The answer is a matter of faith. Do I believe God has His hand on Nathanael's life and is making him exactly what He wants him to be? If I can believe and rest in that, maybe I can learn to relax a little and enjoy life with boys a little more. That would be … perfect.
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Eddie Sheridan is a father of five who lives in Murray, Ky. He and his wife, Laura, have been married for 15 years. He is currently the general manager for Heartland Ministries Radio in Hardin, Ky., and he and his family attend Household of Faith church in Lone Oak, Ky. He blogs at Half-Empty: Confessions of a Pessimist (Who's Trying To Do Better). 

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{No More Perfect Kids} Move the turtle

This week we're hearing real-life stories from dads. Letting go of perfection is a message from which everyone in your family can benefit. "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch has been a fabulous resource for me. You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

Now, let's welcome Sam Smith here. We have a shared love of Slugs & Bugs, which is how I crossed paths with him on this big 'ole Internet. His words are wise and I'm glad to have some of them here today. 

My daughter knows I’m thinking about her because, every night, I move the turtle. 

Let me explain. One night our family watched a documentary about the life of a sea turtle. Afterwards, their little plastic toy turtle (named “Sparky”) became a focus of attention for us. We joked about his life and his journey and this led, first to some laughs, then a game. For some reason, we joked about the turtle hiding around the house.

On a night soon after we watched the movie, I put the turtle beside my 8-year-old daughter’s pillow while she slept. She woke up laughing and the game was on.

Now, every night before she went to bed, she began hiding the turtle in my bed, or by my toothbrush, somewhere I would find it when I came to bed. Then, in my normal routine of checking on all the kids before I went to bed, I would hide it somewhere around her pillow.

The game has evolved now. Now the turtle has props and is no longer hidden. He is to be found on a table in her room, which she now refers to as the turtle table. (What did we use it for before?) One morning he’s sitting there, a huge pipe to his lips. One morning he has fingernail clippers to his little nails, another he’s reading Seth Godin’s "Tribes."

Sometimes, I find a note from Sparky: "Dear Sir, I don’t wish to be any trouble, but I should like a book for Christmas." More recently, I found Sparky on my nightstand, sitting on the little toilet from my daughter’s dollhouse. When we saw each other the next morning, we both burst out laughing. There is this funny ritual between us.

As I write, I get the feeling this isn’t all that funny to other people. But that’s actually part of the point. It’s between my daughter and me. It’s been a way for me to connect with her. She loves it, I enjoy it, and it’s something we share. It’s a creation of shared imagination, a common joke. When this one’s over, I’m sure there will be others.

But every night she knows I’m thinking of her when the turtle is moved.

It’s a small thing, yes. Every day is made up of these small things. Every day we as parents make hundreds of little choices that join together to make up who we are to our children. I could share some of my failures. There are plenty of them. But here’s this little thing I feel like is right in life. Moving the turtle.

I tend to over-think things, believing I have to have an elaborate plan to engage my kids. The truth is that elaborate plans can be great, but only when we follow through. Sometimes you just need to do something. Kids love being engaged. Do something!

As our kids get older, I think about potential disconnection more and more. When my wife and I see any signs of it (and we do, sometimes), we worry. So every thread connecting us to our kids is vital. Woven all together – Rich Mullins’ music and Andy Griffith; living room tents and whispered blessings; happy hymns and pillow fights; Advent prayers and soccer games; baptisms and turtles – these are the threads that make up our lives.

Are turtle games important? No, but she is. And she knows it.
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Sam Smith lives with his wife and four kids in West Virginia, because it would be weird to live with someone else’s wife and four kids in West Virginia, or anywhere else, right? He’s passionate about fostering holy imagination in children, about anticipating the coming Kingdom in family, community, and church life. His collaborative website, Story Warren, is an artful ally to parents who are eager to foster holy imagination at home. Sam is a soccer dad, defying the critics who insist it’s “Communist Kickball.” While not being a Communist, he enjoys connecting with his kids over the Bible, literature, music, free-market soccer, and that noise where you put your hand under your armpit and flap it like a chicken. His beautiful wife, Gina, is the heroic heart of their home and is spectacularly tolerant of soccer and strange, guffaw-inducing noises.

This post originally appeared at Story Warren.
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{No More Perfect Kids} Parenting is risky business

This week we're hearing real-life stories from dads. Letting go of perfection is a message from which everyone in your family can benefit. "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch has been a fabulous resource for me. You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

Let's welcome my favorite dad. Yep, he's my husband! Greg balances my perfection tendencies with this risk-taking, entrepreneur ways. 
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Parenting is a risky business. There are no guarantees, no perfect way to do everything that will ensure your child has a meaningful relationship with God or has success in life or any of a million things that you want for your child.

My suggestion is to embrace risk in parenting, in life, and in your relationship with God. Our Creator isn’t interested in us living risk-free lives. He is about transforming us from the inside out and calling us to something greater than what this world has to offer. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

In thinking about my life, the decisions that have brought me the most joy and satisfaction have been leaps of faith. Whether it has been the decision to adopt, start my own business, put our children in Christian school, or many other things, trusting in Him has proven to be the path to a fulfilling life.

Were things a little scary when I stepped out on my own or we decided to adopt (twice)? Of course they were. Have things been perfect for our little family since we stepped out in faith? Or course not. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Growing up, I saw my parents make some decisions that went against the grain of the conventional American culture. They were convicted that television was a bad influence and we did not have broadcast or cable television in our home. They were convicted that we needed to have home worship services, so we had home worship services instead of attending a normal church for several years. When I was in fifth grade, they made the decision to start sending me to a small Christian school about 45 minutes away.

All these decisions weren't popular to me as a child, but I have seen the value of making bold decisions for God. I’m convinced that character and faith are mostly caught, not taught. As parents, if we want our children to have a meaningful relationship with God, they have to see us making sacrifices and hard decisions as we step out in faith in Him.

So next time you feel the Holy Spirit nudging you to take a risk, to be a little radical, to do something out of your comfort zone, take the opportunity to be obedient. While you may be uncomfortable and anxious about how everything will turn out, and things will surely get messy, submission to God is the only way to live the abundant life that we were all meant to live.
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Greg Taylor is a self-employed attorney who is the oldest of three boys. He's an elder at Christian Community Church, a member of the Murray City Council, and a lifelong Murray State Racer fan. Greg and Kristin have been married for 11 years and have two adopted kids -- Cate is 6 and Ben is 4. 
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{No More Perfect Kids}How to increase encouragement at home

This excerpt is from "No More Perfect Kids," the new Hearts at Home book by Jill Savage and Dr. Kathy Koch! This is the book's launch week, so read on to find out what buying it now will mean!

Parenting is hard work and sometimes it seems our kids do more wrong than right. Add in household responsibilities like laundry and meals, spilled milk at the breakfast table, a child who comes in from playing outside and is covered in dirt, and sibling rivalry where the kids pick at each other all night and sometimes life just isn’t easy. Fatigue is normal and frustration is, too. Learning not to act unkindly in our frustration is a journey requiring grace for ourselves and our kids.

Even in the midst of real life, it’s important to say far more encouraging words to our kids than correcting words. When we encourage kids, we give them courage. It’s empowering, freeing, and strengthening. When encouragement is the norm, children will learn they can take risks, try new things, ask for help, and make mistakes without the fear of losing the acceptance, love, and support of their parents.

It’s not easy to give encouragement, especially on the hard days. There are, however, steps we can take to increase encouragement in our home.

Here are 10 encouragement enhancers you can use in your family:

1. Don’t expect perfection. When we expect perfection we notice every little thing that’s wrong and that creates an environment of discouragement.

2. Encourage childlike behavior. There’s a difference between childish behavior and age-appropriate childlike behavior. Discourage the first and encourage the second.

3. Value what your kids learn. We need to pay at least as much attention to what’s being learned as we do to grades being earned and performances at games and concerts. This is one way we communicate that our kids are more than what they do and how they do.

4. Resist the urge to judge all performances. One way to emphasize learning rather than performance is not always to ask about their scores or grades.

5. Ask them how they feel. When talking about one of their athletic competitions, concerts, or tests, sometimes ask first how satisfied they were with the outcome. Two-way conversations about grades, concerts, and competitions will be more profitable than one-way judgments.

6. Notice their strengths. Point out their character, attitude, and action strengths to help them when they work to make progress in weak areas.

7. Don’t worry about their challenges. Understand some areas will remain challenges for our kids no matter how hard they try. Trying to get kids to change what they can’t improve is a sure way to discourage them.

8. Celebrate what’s real. When one child deserves to be celebrated for something significant (e.g., no C’s on a report card for the first time in a year, a soccer championship, art being displayed in the county library), don’t create fake celebrations for your other kids in order to be “fair.” Use these opportunities to teach children to genuinely celebrate their siblings.

9. Introduce them to overcomers. Discuss relatives and local people your kids know who have overcome great odds. Read biographies and autobiographies of people who have been highly successful even though they also struggled. We can often learn our greatest lessons from our greatest challenges.

10. Have fun together. Play with your kids. Relationships are deepened while building forts and having tea parties with your little ones and going shopping and watching ball games with your older ones. The fun, relaxed moments you share make tough times easier to walk through and go a long way to creating an encouraging family culture.

Be patient with yourself as you work to increase the encouraging environment in your family. If you choose too many things to change, you and your kids will be overwhelmed and little progress will be made. Don’t look back with shame or guilt either. Today is a perfect day to look forward with hope, choose one encouragement enhancer to start with, and walk in a positive direction!
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The time to buy "No More Perfect Kids" is here! You can buy it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Christian Book Distributors.

If you purchase the book this week between today and March 23, you'll get additional FREE resources worth more than $100 from Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers. Just scan or take a picture of the receipt and email the copy to freebies@nmpk-extras.com. Within 24 hours you will receive a reply with a link and password to unlock the free resources!

Specifically, the resources include the following four audio workshops, three ebooks and various printables!

AUDIO WORKSHOPS

• Sue Heimer :: "When You Feel Like Screaming"
• Shaunti Feldhan :: "Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid"
• Marianne Miller :: "Raising Grateful Kids" 
• Kathy Lipp :: "Real Ways to Connect with Your Kids"

EBOOKS

• "A Perfect Pet for Peyton" by Gary Chapman
• "How Am I Smart" by Kathy Koch
• "The 10 Commandments of Parenting" by Dr. Ed Young

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OTHER RESOURCES
Website :: In addition to reading the book, Jill Savage and Kathy Koch have made other resources available to you on NoMorePerfect.com. There you'll find family activities that elaborate on what's in the book, a weekly blog post that encourages that Perfection Infection to stay away, and other resources.

Email challenge :: Parents, you're also invited to sign up for a 13-day email challenge. The challenge can begin whenever you sign up. Nothing like encouragement and motivation showing up right there in your inbox.

Real-life stories :: In celebration of this book that speaks right to my heart, I'm going to be hosting some guests here on the blog. I realize the majority of my readers are moms, but y'all are going to hear from some dads this next week. We'll be starting with my favorite dad tomorrow and continue throughout next week. And, trust me, these men have some stories to tell.
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I received a free copy of "No More Perfect Moms" in exchange for being on the launch team and reviewing this book, which fits right in with what's God been teaching me. I've blogged about this book specifically here and here. This post contains Amazon affiliate links, but if you order through them the prices doesn't change for you. Thanks for supporting this blog.

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{No More Perfect Kids} Excellence vs. Perfection

One of the hardest things about laying down perfection is knowing what to pick up instead. Obviously, life isn't perfect. And neither am I or my husband or my kids or my days or my anything else. But there is a fine line being perfect {or, you know, trying to be ...} and striving for excellence and contentment.

It's a fine line, yes. But there's a big difference.

While reading "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch earlier this year, the contrast of perfection with contentment and excellence struck my heart.

"Contentment involves confidently living life as it is. We parents our kids as they are. ... Contentment means we won't focus on what we don't have, what we can't do, and what's wrong with everything and everyone around us. We'll be aware of these things, because we know life can't be perfect, but we won't focus there. Rather, we'll focus on what we do have, what we can do, and what's right with the world -- including our part of the world."

{Jill Savage in "No More Perfect Kids"}

Do you hear that? It's about changing our focus and embracing our real lives. {And, yes, this isn't the first time I've blogged about this book. You can read the first post here.}

You know, the life with a noisy, messy boy and a girl who talks so fast I have to ask her to slow down and repeat herself. Yes, and the life with dirty dishes, piles of laundry, and those sticky spots on the floor. Yes, sometimes people run late and forget what they said they'd do in this real life. And, yes, this real life has disappointments but it has plenty of joy too.

For a long time, I thought if I were content with this real life of mine, then I'd be settling. It's really quite the opposite. When I'm content, I'm free to take risks because I'm not worried about perfection.

Ah, sweet relief. 

More relief came when Jill Savage outlined the difference between excellence and perfection in the second chapter of "No More Perfect Kids." Look at these contrasting lists:

EXCELLENCE :: Something done well. Attainable. Positive. Freeing. Allows for failure. Expects mistakes. Growing. Learning. Open. Motivated by confidence. From God. Empowering.

PERFECTION :: Done without fault. Unattainable. Negative. Binding. Punishes failure. Panics at mistakes. Dying. Performing. Closed. Motivated by fear. From the world. Rejecting.

Far too often I have parented and even lived burdened by perfection instead of striving for excellence. I've squashed my son's joy because his noise level interfered with my task-oriented focus. I've burdened my daughter with nagging correction. I've picked on my husband who didn't read my mind.

I want to embrace my son's joy, even first thing in the morning. I want to show my daughter the freedom that comes with doing her best and learning as she goes. I want to love my husband in ways that burst open the communication. I want us all to stand firmly on the secure foundation that comes only from God.

I want to strive for excellence, rest in contentment, and let go of perfection. 
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I got an advanced copy of "No More Perfect Kids" by Jill Savage and Kathy Koch as part of the book's launch team. The book will be available for purchase in March, and if you buy the book between March 13-23, you'll get additional FREE resources worth more than $100 from Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers. Stay tuned because there's more on this book to come. Yes, I truly love it that much. 

This is an ongoing theme in my life. Last year, I blogged often about embracing imperfection and was part of Jill Savage's launch team for "No More Perfect Moms." This post contains Amazon affiliate links because these are books I believe in, but prices won't change if you order through my links. Thanks for supporting this blog!

Joining Jen Ferguson and her Soli Deo Gloria party with this post. 

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{No More Perfect Kids} Letting the light escape

My kids were chasing each other. It had started out as a game and then morphed into him picking on her and her yelling at him. My husband walked through the door into the tense moment. Again. Seriously, what is it about the hour before dinner that ramps up the stress level?

I was trying to get dinner finished. In effort to gain some control over the people in my house, I yelled some rant about how having fun is OK but wildness is dangerous and how I could use some help setting the table and how nobody was getting along and how ...

You know, I don't even remember everything in my rant. I'm certain my kids didn't actually learn anything from it either. And my husband just became more irritated with my attempt at control.

Letting go has been my desire long before Elsa sang about her icy powers. But in trying to let go and embrace the imperfection, I've failed over and over again. Yes, I've improved. But I'm still not there.

I'm not perfect, but I'm being perfected by a perfect God. Did you catch that? Notice the drastic difference when perfect is an unattainable adjective and when it's an on-going verb.

This is the process I've been embracing the past year and it's the same one I'm going to continue embrace this year. {You can read many previous posts about embracing imperfection inspired by Jill Savage's "No More Perfect Moms."}

"Change is really about exchange. We replace one thing with something else. What if you and I replaced 'being perfect' with 'being perfected'? What if we were truly able to embrace that the imperfect parts of our lives are counterbalanced with the reality of a perfect God who longs to shine His light through the cracks in our lives? What if we could believe that fully for ourselves and fully for our children, who are also 'being perfected'?"

{Jill Savage in "No More Perfect Kids"}

That's right. Jill Savage has a new book out. Written with Dr. Kathy Koch, it's an ideal follow-up to her book last year, especially for someone like me who desires change but isn't always sure how to let go. As part of the launch team, I've gotten to read the book already. It encourages parents to really get to know their children and offers practical advice for ridding parenting of perfection

As much as I recommend you buy it, I also recommend you wait until the release week. If you buy the book between March 14-22, then you'll get additional FREE resources worth more than $100 from Hearts at Home and Moody Publishers. Totally worth the wait. Stay tuned because this won't be the only time I talk about it.

So that quote above from Jill? Yeah. It pierced my heart because it's EXACTLY what I want to happen in my heart and my life and my children.

I chose "LIGHT" as my one-word focus for the year. God has since brought songs and words into my life to affirm the importance of letting go so His light alone can shine. For me, it's about seeing God in imperfect real life and holding on to his promises while letting go of my expectations.

He's there ...

... in the piles of laundry that are washed, dried, folded and put away for my favorite people in the world.

... in the dishes that need to be loaded into the dishwasher because we had food to eat around the table together.

... in the noisy, sometimes rough games the kids make up because they're creative and active.

... when I'm not sure what to say or when I've said too much.

... on the hard days because we can do all things with His strength.

... when my words are too loud and my lectures too long because he forgives and redeems.

... when my kids are slow to obey because God is slow to anger and wants us to learn patience.

... when my kids ask the same questions over and over. They're learning and figuring things out.

... when we all forget and run late and crowd our schedules because none of us are perfect but God still manages to work all things together for our good when he choose him.

... when we feel left out or passed over or like we aren't sure what step to take next.

... always, especially when we finally remember we aren't in control anyway.

Those cracks have been on my mind. And then Jill Savage goes and talks about them too. Those cracks aren't worth yelling about because I want to hear the truth they whisper and the light they allow to shine.
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I'm linking this post with Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party, where the imperfect cracks are embraced fully, and Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory, where the stories are real.

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