Ben was recently diagnosed as being allergic to trees, weeds, grass and dust mites. Clearly these are things I can't really keep away from him. So allergy shots it is. Yes, plural. One in each arm twice a week, starting today. The frequency will become less as the treatment continues. Hopefully his ear infections and nose bleeds will become less frequent too.
He didn't want to pull away from the plan until the nurse was holding the needle. Then he didn't want to be brave anymore. He wanted to kick and pull away. He wanted to resist.
I can see a bigger picture. I understand that this momentary fear will be so worth it once he has relief. He could only see that needle in her hand and the one near her on the counter. He could only remember how all those pricks in the back and arms bothered him before.
I remember how scared I was when I was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes a decade ago. That fear propelled me forward but in the beginning if I thought too much about the needles piercing my flesh I got nauseated. I still can't watch nurses draw my blood. Yet I overcame the fear because I learned it was worth it to feel better and I became comfortable taking care of myself this way.
As Ben pulled away from me this morning, trying to escape this needle that would be such a blip in the big picture, I realized I do the same thing with God sometimes.
I get scared sometimes too, even when I have a plan. I want to pull away from the One who is orchestrating the details because I have a plan of my own. I want to pull back from people I love because they've frustrated me. I want to push against change that will heal my soul and risks that will strengthen my faith.
But relief will come.
If I just take that first step
or send that email
or ask that friend how I can pray
or try that new thing
or meet that new person
or go to the place I've never been
or let go of control, again
or if I try again after I failed the first time.
God is the giver of the dreams, so he's going to give us what we need to overcome the fear. He's going to strengthen us and heal us as we face whatever fears are like needles piercing our life.
Ben survived the two shots this morning. I'm pretty sure he'd forgotten about his fear by the time he ate his Chick-fil-A biscuit and climbed in the play area. That's the thing about fear, it's fleeting if we cling to the One who promises everlasting relief.
I'm sharing this story with God-sized Dreamers, Crystal Stine's Behind the Scenes, Jen Fergson's Soli Deo Gloria Party and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.
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