Monday, June 17, 2013

Pressed & Blessed

I'm tried sometimes. Worn out, really. But these people make life so much more fun. Father's Day 2013.

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm kind of worn out, honestly. I went to church yesterday morning with a heavy heart for no particular reason but lots of reasons.

This past week we spent four days researching the possible adoption of a 2-year-old girl from Bulgaria. So many variables made the situation something we wanted to pursue, but she had some medical concerns that would likely require doctor's appointments and educational resources we don't have in our small town. Not long after we decided not to pursue this adoption, I texted some of my closest friends who knew about this girl and told them of our decision. And that I was sad. I didn't expect the sadness. Yet I had peace. Holly told me peace and sadness could co-exist. Like rain on a sunny day.

Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord

I've had a strange pain in my upper arm off and on for months. Like closer to a year. But it's been most intense in the last few weeks. My neurologist friend thought it was a nerve issue, but tests revealed my nerves are fine. So an orthopedic asked questions and x-rayed my shoulder because the pain is usually sparked by shoulder movement that leads to a pain toward my elbow. My shoulder parts all were in the right places. But he offered a steroid shot to hopefully disrupt shoulder inflammation.

Thing about a steroid shot is it wrecks my blood sugar control. More insulin is required, but, of course, it's a balancing act of taking enough extra but not too much extra so I don't bottom out. {If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's OK. Be glad you don't know about the ever-swinging balancing act of diabetes management. Just know when my blood sugar is high, I feel lethargic and a tad grumpy.}

While balancing blood sugar numbers, I've also been busy balancing writing, lake house management, and mothering. And it's summer. And I just want to be at the pool. My boy still needs frequent reminders to pee in the potty and not his pants. And my girl has lots of ideas and negotiations.

Not only does my arm still hurt {It's a different hurt since the shot ...}, but I also have the weight of dreams, circumstances, ideas, responsibilities, and emotions on my shoulders. It's all making me tired.

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Yesterday morning in church I was reminded that I don't have to bear it all on my shoulders. In fact, freedom is found in letting it go. There were all kinds of Father's Day tributes in what people had to say in church and all over Facebook. Yes, I'm incredibly thankful for my husband who is an amazing dad to our kids. He's present and involved. He makes me a better momma. He makes our family stronger. And I couldn't do this life without him.

But even together, we aren't alone. Our heavenly Father has adopted us into his family, where there is promise that every thing will work together for the good of those who love him and have been called according to purpose {Romans 8:28}. It may not seem good now. Pain and hard decisions may be present. But there is more. Glory is just around the corner {1 Peter 4:12-13}.

Though sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes in the morning

Italicized song lyrics from "Trading My Sorrows" by Darrell Evans. Want more? Subscribe to get "Insights" in your inbox. Like 152 Insights on Facebook. Or follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

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