How January has changed me

Ask me what my favorite month is and I will tell you May. I love that it’s my birth month and the month I became a momma. I love the weather and how it changes from the beginning to the end. I like that it’s the month when the doors to summer open wide.

But it’s been January that’s changed my life.

Nineteen years ago, I became a Christian on a weekend that epitomized God’s love in a way I’d never experienced and breathed the beginning of true transformation into my heart.

Thirteen years ago, Greg surprised me with a marriage proposal. I said yes, obviously, and we were married later in 2002.

Life-changing news isn’t always good, but I was diagnosed with diabetes 11 years ago.

And then there were two big adoption-related moments. In 2007, we met Cate’s birth mom for the first time in a doctor’s office waiting room. We saw our girl, thanks to the ultrasound. And then we all committed to this adoption plan. In 2010, Ben’s adoption was finalized.

Talk about January and I think back to these things. Perhaps I should stop giving May all the favorite-month credit and realize I wouldn’t be who I am without so many Januarys.

In honor of this, “Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family” will be on sale for 99 cents, starting today and continuing through the end of the month. This ebook is my story. It’s the story of so much brokenness redeemed in ways only God can do.

Yes, it’s about adoption, but it’s also my faith journey. People who have no desire to adopt have been encouraged. I hope you will be encouraged too. {Did you know you can also gift ebooks? Anyone can read a Kindle book with a free app for mobile devices and computers.}

Yes, January is cold and dreary. But God redeems and makes new. And that’s reason enough to celebrate.
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I'm joining others for the weekly Soli Deo Gloria Gathering as well as Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart and Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory.

I'm also linking this post with Hearts at Home's Blog Hop at Jill Savage's place. This month she's talking about starting fresh, which is what January reminds me to do. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Love Your Ordinary

There's one thing I don't like about Independence Day: It marks the middle of summer. Perhaps I need to a glass-half-full perspective on this, but summer is half way over. My kids go back to school in five weeks. Five weeks from today. 

Summer, slow down please.

I love the ordinary of summer. 

No alarm clock in the morning. Afternoons at the pool. Flexibility with dinnertime and bedtime. The longer daylight hours. Lightning bugs. Snow cones. Impromptu lunches with friends. More afternoons at the pool. Our town's old-fashioned walk-up Dairy Queen. Reading fiction books, both my girl and me. Ben's constant request to go outside.

Summer doesn't have to be fancy to be lovely. That's what I love about it.

Mixed in with our ordinary days have been a week on Hilton Head Island, S.C. with my parents, an aunt and uncle, and my siblings and their families. We spent time on the beach and around the pool. We ate delicious food around various tables. We talked and laughed and reminisced and planned. {You can see tons of pictures of all that here.}

And then the day after we got home, Cate went to her first overnight camp {two nights!} and had a blast. I wasn't anxious about it because she was made for camp. After I helped her get her set up, she walked outside with me to hug Daddy and Ben goodbye. And then without hesitation: "I'm going back inside to get to know the other girls better."

She wanted to stay longer than the camp actually lasted and is already talking about going back next year. When I ask about her favorite part of those three days, she says, "Everything."

Ordinary summers for us also include a couple vacation Bible schools -- one is in the evenings this week and the other is a couple hours each morning next week. We've got plans for an amusement park, a visit with a new nephew, another weekend with my family, and hosting friends here.

Ordinary here is the stereotypical summer days mixed with plenty of socializing. I love it here, this time of the year with these people of mine. Ordinarily, I'd write more here, but I'm busy making these memories that matter.

I want to remember the ordinary because I get the feeling I'm going to look back and the little moments are going to be the big moments. 
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I'm linking up this post with Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday, Jennifer Duke Lee's #TellHisStory, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, and Jill Savage's Hearts at Home Blog Hop.

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Why I need to stop chasing God

Chasing God is exhausting. Yet God doesn't get weary of loving us.

Truly amazing, huh? 

I've been thinking about this lately. Since I first told God I would follow him, I've still struggled to give up control and trust. So instead of following my Savior, I've spent too much time rushing around trying to catch him on my own.

"Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do. Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own." 

{2 Corinthians 5:14-15 in The Message}

Too often I've let my own expectations move me. Approval-seeking perfectionism propelled me when Christ's compassion and love should have compelled me. I've let my circumstances define my mood and other people's reactions dictate my emotions. I've let my own plans become my priorities.

"Over and over in Paul's letter, he urges his listeners to look past their current conditions and seek ways to bring glory to God in spite of the situation, and that doesn't happen by waiting to feel differently about it."

{Angie Smith in "Chasing God"}

Some days I wish my son would obey quicker and annoy his sister less. There are times I wish my daughter would quite worrying about what hasn't happened yet. I carry my own burdens of wanting to do more, thinking I should have said less, and wondering why details are the way they are.

But I need to lay those weights down. I need to stop chasing God.

God's got it. He doesn't need me trying to fix things and wait until I've got my act together. Really, if that were the case, I wouldn't actually need a savior.

But I do.

Because I'm human. So are you.

And we're going to struggle.

Our kids aren't going to listen.

Our plans are going to fall through.

We're going to lose our cool.

We're going to laugh til we cry and cry til we laugh.

We aren't always going to have the words our friend needs.

Other days we're going to say too much.

People are going to disappoint us and we're not going to please everyone we love.

But it's in those struggles, we find our Savior. Yes, sometimes it means letting go of our grudge or lowering our voice. But God's there.

"And the process of becoming more like Him is called sanctification; put simply, it's just the way we move toward righteousness and away from sin in our lives. We won't (in the life) ever be fully sanctified because we live in a bodies that aren't capable of perfection, but because of His love, we push ourselves to grow more like Him every day."

{Angie Smith in "Chasing God"}

In "Chasing God," Angie Smith has reminded me to recognize my need for a Savior. Following Him rather than chasing Him is likely to produce some longer lasting results. In her book, she made me want to seek God more, knowing it's going to be a life-long process. {She also made me laugh about Trapper Keepers because it's like she saw my middle school self, wanting to organize my life into those folders inside the fancy binder decorated with a cat.}

I haven't always been able to laugh at myself. That's something that's come as I've realized I don't need to chase my Savior. More importantly, each day has been part of the journey to walk farther away from my sinful nature and close to God's joy and righteousness. God's love compels me right here in the midst of my ordinary, earthly struggles.
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I received a free copy of "Chasing God" in exchange for a review from Icon Media Group. I was delayed in posting my review, but, honestly, it was good for me to read the book when I did recently. Angie Smith's message complemented some other things God has been teaching me.

I actually ordered hardback "Chasing God" when it released in January, so I'm going to giveaway that copy, which hasn't been read yet. So, who wants to read it? To enter to win, leave a comment about what God's teaching you about your everyday life. I'll randomly choose a winner Thursday, April 24.

Updated to congratulate Beth Stiff, who blogs at Simply Beth. The book is coming your way! Thanks to those who shared in the comments.

Updated on May 7 to include a second giveaway! Icon Media Group is offering another copy of "Chasing God" to one reader. Those of you who commented below will be entered to win this time too. Plus anyone else is welcome to comment below on what God's teaching you these days. I'll randomly choose a winner on Monday, May 18. Congratulations to Mindy on winning the second copy! Send me an email with your mailing address and I'll get Icon Media Group to send you the book.
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I'm linking this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory, Thought-Provoking Thursday at Lyli Dunbar's blog and Jill Savage's Hearts at Home blog hop. 

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One Perfect God

I'm a rule follower who sometimes loses sight of grace. This has been a struggle for me my entire life, mostly because of my perfectionist-driven personality. Motherhood has rocked this part of me. And six years, seven months, and 13 days in, this balance of rules and graces still rocks my world.

Lately I've felt trapped in the middle of rules that create healthy boundaries and develop responsible people and graces that frees and points directly to God. I want my kids to know Jesus and be generous and be responsible, independent people and obey immediately and ... so many other things.

But sometimes I mix up it all up and dwell on the "Obey now!" and "Come on, pick up your stuff!" and lose sight of Jesus. Sometimes I yell when I should whisper. And punish when I should forgive and teach. And lecture before I pray. And react before I realize the truth.

This week my kids have stained shirts and lost coats. They've picked on each other, invaded my personal space, and demanded things I didn't think were necessary. They've sang and talked loudly, often at inappropriate times.

I make those things the issues, but they're really not. My kids are imperfect people who need a Savior. And I'm an imperfect momma who needs her Savior.

"Perhaps it's time to offer some friendliness to the members of our own homes, to keep our tempers in check and our grumbling at bay, to let perfect love wash over a multitude of sins. Not the jelly-smeared, crumb-laden kind, but the hideous-word-hurling, mama-mouthed variety."

{From "Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehman}

I'm thankful for the grace to come to our Savior. And I'm thankful for that perfect love that does cover all our ugliness. I pray I let go more each day and my kids are drawn to Jesus each time. Perhaps that's the greatest illustration of faith, at least for a control-gripping soul like me.

It reminds me of my favorite quote from "One Way Love" by Tullian Tchividjian: "Grace generates panic, because it wrestles both control and glory out of our hands."

So, so true.

And, really, so, so freeing.

I try so hard to make decisions to please everyone. I make plans and raise my expectations. I rehearse conversations in my mind and replay them after the fact. I have opinions on nearly everything. And too often that all explodes out of my mouth, usually onto my husband and kids.

I need to control and glory wrestled right out of my hands. It's not mine to have anyway. But I have personal access to the One who does deserve the glory and has control of all the details.

"We can’t be perfect parents, but we can act in partnership with a perfect God. There is peace, hope, and expectancy in that statement."

{From "No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage}

What a relief! Perfection isn't possible here in this life. Not for my kids. And not for me. But God is here with us, perfecting and refining us as we go along.
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This has been the lesson I'm supposed to learn this year. I know it from every aspect of my life. And I'm learning. Slowly. Books that have helped me along the way are "No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage, "One Way Love" by Tullian Tchividjian and "Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehman. Those are Amazon affiliate links, but those are books that are helping me let go. 

Joining others at Jill Savage's blog for the Hearts at Home blog hop as they share how the One perfect God made himself known in their imperfections. And for the first time, I'm also linking up with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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No More Perfect ... Holidays

Go tell it on the mountain

Over the hills and everywhere

Go tell it on the mountain

Jesus Christ is born

I accidentally started listening to Christmas music last weekend, well before my usual post-Thanksgiving beginning. I was listening to a Needtobreathe playlist on my laptop when "Go Tell It On the Mountain" started playing. It's a favorite of mine. So I kept listening.

While shepherds kept their watching

Over silent flocks by night

Behold throughout the heavens

They're shown a holy light

The shepherds feared and trembled

When all above the earth

Rang out the angel chorus

That held a savior's birth

And then I switched to my playlist of Christmas favorites. On Nov. 16. A dozen days before Thanksgiving. This goes against my tradition, but I haven't regretted it, mostly because God seemed to speak to my heart.

Aside from being a great song, hearing Needtobreathe proclaim Jesus' birth made me think about traditions. Some of the most meaningful moments of the holiday season are traditions. They are the events and people that have been a part of your celebrations for as long as you can remember. They are what you look forward to the rest of the year.

Traditions are good. But they aren't everything.

Now in a lonely manger

The humble Christ was born

And god sent our salvation

That blessed this Christmas morn

As our kids get older, we've established new traditions, which mean not every tradition that has ever been can happen. Honestly, some of my favorite "traditions" have been created in the past couple years: We have a birthday party for Jesus with friends. We go on a tree hunt with our dear friends who have grasped onto the tradition with us. The four of us spend the first hours of Christmas Day home.

But those new traditions are mixed with the old. It's in that mix that I find God and remember what really matters. 

There is a caroling session to area nursing homes and a lunch with Greg's cousins that also are steadfast holiday events on our calendar. And among the traditions are events and parties that sometimes happen, depending on childcare or calendar space. Each year also brings new opportunities to celebrate and serve. This year, we get to travel to Dallas to meet my coming-soon nephew for the days between Christmas and New Year's.

Hallelujah Hallelujah

Jesus Christ is born

Hallelujah Hallelujah

Savior of the world

Hallelujah Hallelujah

Jesus Christ is born

Hallelujah Hallelujah

Savior of the world

Oh he's the savior of the world

No holiday is perfect. And, truthfully, no tradition is perfect. Traditions matter because of the relationships strengthened, the memories made, and the people served. But they are still full of us imperfect people. And they're subject to real life, of which we're not actually in control anyway.

Go tell it on the mountain

Over the hills and everywhere

Go tell it on the mountain

That Jesus Christ is born

Hallelujah Hallelujah 

Jesus Christ is born

Traditions matter. Holidays matter. Families matter. But perfection in how we celebrate doesn't. The only perfection that matters is this savior whose birth we're singing about. 
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I'm linking up with Jill Savage for the monthly Hearts at Home Blog Hop. Come join us as we embrace imperfection. It's been my theme this year and I've been encouraged greatly by Jill's book "No More Perfect Moms." Affiliate links included. 

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