One Perfect God

I'm a rule follower who sometimes loses sight of grace. This has been a struggle for me my entire life, mostly because of my perfectionist-driven personality. Motherhood has rocked this part of me. And six years, seven months, and 13 days in, this balance of rules and graces still rocks my world.

Lately I've felt trapped in the middle of rules that create healthy boundaries and develop responsible people and graces that frees and points directly to God. I want my kids to know Jesus and be generous and be responsible, independent people and obey immediately and ... so many other things.

But sometimes I mix up it all up and dwell on the "Obey now!" and "Come on, pick up your stuff!" and lose sight of Jesus. Sometimes I yell when I should whisper. And punish when I should forgive and teach. And lecture before I pray. And react before I realize the truth.

This week my kids have stained shirts and lost coats. They've picked on each other, invaded my personal space, and demanded things I didn't think were necessary. They've sang and talked loudly, often at inappropriate times.

I make those things the issues, but they're really not. My kids are imperfect people who need a Savior. And I'm an imperfect momma who needs her Savior.

"Perhaps it's time to offer some friendliness to the members of our own homes, to keep our tempers in check and our grumbling at bay, to let perfect love wash over a multitude of sins. Not the jelly-smeared, crumb-laden kind, but the hideous-word-hurling, mama-mouthed variety."

{From "Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehman}

I'm thankful for the grace to come to our Savior. And I'm thankful for that perfect love that does cover all our ugliness. I pray I let go more each day and my kids are drawn to Jesus each time. Perhaps that's the greatest illustration of faith, at least for a control-gripping soul like me.

It reminds me of my favorite quote from "One Way Love" by Tullian Tchividjian: "Grace generates panic, because it wrestles both control and glory out of our hands."

So, so true.

And, really, so, so freeing.

I try so hard to make decisions to please everyone. I make plans and raise my expectations. I rehearse conversations in my mind and replay them after the fact. I have opinions on nearly everything. And too often that all explodes out of my mouth, usually onto my husband and kids.

I need to control and glory wrestled right out of my hands. It's not mine to have anyway. But I have personal access to the One who does deserve the glory and has control of all the details.

"We can’t be perfect parents, but we can act in partnership with a perfect God. There is peace, hope, and expectancy in that statement."

{From "No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage}

What a relief! Perfection isn't possible here in this life. Not for my kids. And not for me. But God is here with us, perfecting and refining us as we go along.
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This has been the lesson I'm supposed to learn this year. I know it from every aspect of my life. And I'm learning. Slowly. Books that have helped me along the way are "No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage, "One Way Love" by Tullian Tchividjian and "Let. It. Go." by Karen Ehman. Those are Amazon affiliate links, but those are books that are helping me let go. 

Joining others at Jill Savage's blog for the Hearts at Home blog hop as they share how the One perfect God made himself known in their imperfections. And for the first time, I'm also linking up with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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