Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Trust without borders

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”

{From “Oceans” by Hillsong UNITED}

We sang this song in church on Sunday and I can’t get the phrase “trust without borders” out of my head. Admittedly, I used to turn the station when this song came on the radio. Its popularity got on my nerves. But then our worship leader at church sang it and I heard it in a fresh way.

I love when God does that. I love knowing he can take words we’ve heard hundreds of times before and make them fall fresh on our lives.

Trust without borders.

That’s what I want – in all areas of my life.

Specifically, I’ve been thinking about my relationship with Rachel’s birth mom. Like our others before, the adoption process was open. But the post-birth interaction with Stacy has been different than our other experiences. It’s not what I expected but I believe it’s exactly what God knows is needed. My emotions about the grief intertwined with joy in adoption spill over easily this time. I want to mother my baby’s birth mom. I want to help her find a job. I want to buy her groceries.

But I know at this point that’s not what I’m supposed to do. For months, I didn’t know what that meant for our relationship. Then she reached out to me via text. She confided in me and trusted me the details of her life. We got together for about an hour at a local coffee shop before Thanksgiving and have texted again since. Our latest text conversations stirred my emotions again – for her, for the birth dad, and for this sweet little life that bonds us.

I realize God is answering the prayers I prayed for Stacy. Giving her money or groceries or ride somewhere is easy compared to navigating an actual relationship. I’m open to having a relationship with her even though I have absolutely no idea what that will look like.

I believe this is where God is calling me, so I need to go there. {Tweet that.}

And I can only go there with God. My human self wants a plan and details for the future. But when I trust the One who orchestrated this relationship, my faith becomes stronger and deeper – and going into the unknown becomes possible.

As we sang in church on Sunday, I realized I too often try to tie my faith up in a box with a pretty bow. My relationship with Stacy is just one example. I’ve been there, hesitating, in a million other ways in marriage, motherhood, my daily life, our mission trip to Guatemala this past summer, and so many moments between.

Faith isn’t always tidy. {Tweet that.} Sometimes it spills all over the place, bringing us to God in a new way. Our faith takes us places that are messy, but God goes with us, bringing beauty from those ashes.

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

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