They're cute, aren't they? My daughter has cheesing down to an art. And my boy has silly faces perfected. As cute as they are and as much as I love their stories of becoming part of our family, they aren't perfect.
Those kids you see on the playground? They aren't perfect either. That boy challenging his mom in the grocery store aisle or the one in your daughter's class? Yeah, no perfection there.
So let's stop expecting them to be perfect. {I've just repeated this five times. And I could sit here all day and remind myself.}
"Your kids aren't perfect. Their imperfections are not a reflection of you. You can't control them into perfection. Allowing your children to fail – without getting your anger as a consequence – is a gift to them."
{Jill Savage in "No More Perfect Moms"}
My 6-year-old daughter is oh-so much like me. I'm trying to help her through her own perfectionist tendencies so she'll try something new without being frustrated that she's not immediately good at it. We had a good lesson this summer at the skating rink and again as she's learned to swim and jump off the diving board without floaties.
Meanwhile my 3-year-old boy is all boy. He's loud and messy and independent and funny and fearless and always on the move. He stretches me and presses me and challenges me and loves me and reminds me to laugh. He's good for me. But, goodness, he's hard for me. He doesn't fit in my box and I certainly can't parent him just like I do his sister. Without him, I'm pretty sure I'd still be trying to keep my life in a perfect box.
God has been trying to break through my stubborn, perfectionist ways for a long time now. This has been the year I've truly let him in. I still learning and trusting in this new way, but my heart is calmer this way. And, really, I have my kids to thank for it.
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I don't like to admit how I, too, have tendencies to desire perfection in my kids. I guess it takes recognizing that trait in myself! I wonder if I am harder on my kids when I parent from a place of fear, forgetting that all I can do is my best and trust God wants to partner with me (is inviting me to partner with Him!) in parenting. He has me. He has my kids (talking to myself here . . :) ) Love you, sweet friend. Thank you for how your turn my heart towards surrender and trust and love.
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard, hard thing for me to learn, clearly, because, I'm still learning it. Parenting has been the hardest but most faith-building season of my life. It's certainly better when I let Him in with me. Your comment is so encouraging to me. I'm glad God gives us others in this journey.
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