Thursday, February 8, 2007

choices and babies

It's no secret I think about babies often these days, particularly one baby girl. But lately I seem to be thinking about this recurring theme choices people make, and I so quickly have an opinion about them, at least about what I know.

... One 3-year-old I know has a very adaptable personality that I pray continues to sustain her while she shuffled between parents who barely speak to one another. Then I quickly add my prayer that they "adults" in this scenario grow up, for the sake of their beautiful daughter. Meanwhile, I just continue to love her.

... A friend of mine talked recently about her 17-year-old cousin who is pregnant. The same cousin's brother already has a baby and isn't married. Apparently it's a growing trend in the family. She said she had a hard time loving the first baby and is afraid she'll feel that way about the baby girl on her way. My response: Not the child's fault. Love them despite their parents' obvious flaws.

... Another friend of mine is doubting her decision (along with her husband) to open her home to two foster boys with the intentions to adopt them. She really wants to adopt a newborn baby and is frustrated with the challenges of trying to undo things in these boys' backgrounds. Surely she was aware of the challenges when she agreed to this other way of having a family. I think about her and realize she's losing herself in this situation, then I wonder if frustration is reason enough to change such an important plan.

... I heard about this other teenager who is putting her baby up for adoption. That's a brave decision. But it's her earlier three abortions that make me wonder why she didn't choose adoption sooner.

Maybe I sound judgmental, but it's more about a belief I hold tightly that abortion generally is the most selfish decision a mother can make. I can get over a woman not wanting her baby. I can get over her choosing to give the baby up. But that's brave and unselfish because that decision gives the baby hope for a life he/she deserves. And that decision answers the prayers of people like me.

I've been e-mailing an old friend (former co-worker) this morning about motherhood and babies and work and how in the end it all fits together. I told her about how deciding to pursue adoption was the easiest decision of all of those made along our nearly two-year infertility (hate that word) journey. Seriously, this process has made me appreciate how we got here and who it is making me. I have a hope and peace that only grows as May 10 gets closer. The forms and phone calls don't wear on me, especially after all the times I had my blood drawn and made appointments with doctors.

All of this to say, my friend said: "I will tell you I fully believe that people have to endure things to appreciate who they are and why they are here. Sometimes, going through things like what you had to go through makes it so much easier to appreciate the gifts we are given. ... Like I said, it's a good thing God knows what's best for each of us. Your experiences are going to help you be a great mother."

The first part of what she says is what I'm learning and the latter is certianly my hope.

1 comment:

  1. i totally agree that without the bad we would never fully appriciate the good that is in our lives.
    i am kind of glad that it took luke a little longer to get here. it helps me love and adore him just a little more when he is doing something he shouldn't be doing.