She’s sharing about waiting and choosing joy in her post today, but I have to let you know in on a God moment. On Oct. 26, the day she wrote this post, Kayla and her husband, Casey, were matched with a birth mom. THE SAME DAY. After she emailed me this post about waiting and choosing joy, God revealed some of his plan for her family. The texts that followed included many exclamation points, but the basic news is Kayla and Casey Slack are going to welcome a baby boy into their family in February.
While celebrating with them, continue to pray for them and the brave birth mom in Texas as they all navigate the emotions and process that is adoption. Coming alongside families like the Slacks is just one way you can celebrate National Adoption Awareness Month.
We were led to adoption this time about a year ago because of our struggle with infertility. We both had always known we would adopt, but we figured it would be later on down the road. I was on fertility medicine that literally made me go crazy, so we felt led to stop pursuing fertility treatment at that time.
I wanted to pursue adoption as soon as we made the choice to start … like right then, that same day. I tend to set a timeline, make plans, work hard to see that it happens and have control over it, and then I am crazy upset when it fails. This was October 2014 and we decided to wait until January 2015 to begin our process. We printed applications, met with others who were adopting or had adopted to gather info, and prayed.
In attempt to control the timing I got more upset because my timeline was not working out. In January, God led my heart to wait until March and I obeyed but felt like that was years away! March came, and guess what? We waited a little more. I felt like God said to wait six more months. I counted up six months and thought, "Oh, September? Nah, God does not want me to wait until then. August. August sounds better."
Coming closer to that time, we got our documents gathered and had our home study visit. Guess what? We became active in SEPTEMBER with Faithful Adoption Consultants. Praise the Lord that His will and his plans are higher and better and they always work out no matter how hard we attempt to make ours work.
This waiting process has been so hard but so amazing. I am learning there is always purpose in waiting. The sanctification that comes along in waiting for something your heart longs for is tremendous. Praise God he does not leave us where we are! He draws us so close to Him and makes us more like Him!
Many of you know the infertility struggle well. The heart aching, longing, crying, begging, screaming, bitterness, and jealousy you have to fight through to find happy words and a smile when others get what you beg the Lord for constantly. It was one of the hardest times of my life. I wanted to be kind, sweet, and joyful for others.
Waiting for me in our adoption process has been hard, yet beautiful. I am supposed to count it all joy when trials come (James 1:2). I am to rejoice. I have been begging God to be excited and so happy first when someone gets something I want because it is a time to celebrate! I am also learning that it is okay to be sad. I used to think that it was wrong if I was sad and happy at the same time. I am learning to choose those joyful feelings over the sad ones, but I know now that I am going to feel those together sometimes.
God is showing me that He is my true treasure. I do not know why I tend to forget this so much! He is what I long for. If I get nothing else in this life, I should be content with the Lord alone. He is really all I need. He is my peace. And even in my toughest and darkest days He will give me peace. I don't think I ever really understood hope either until I have waited for a baby. Some days I have cried so hard and told my husband I feel like I have no hope and that this is never going to happen. (For those of you who do not know me, I am VERY emotional and my emotions are strong!)
I am learning to look past those feelings and know truth despite what I am feeling. We really do have hope. All of us do. My husband keeps telling me, "Babe, it is okay. We are going to get a baby." But you know what? Even if we don't get a baby, it is okay too because we have hope. Our hope is in the Lord. My hope is not in growing our family although sometimes I have allowed it to be.
I praise God because he has made my heart to find joy in life being created, even if that life was not meant to live with me. And, yeah, waiting is hard, but I know the longer I wait the more the Lord is going to teach me and the more I am going to be like Him. So I will wait – and I will be joyful, and sad sometimes. I will continue to cry because that is what I do, but I will also hold onto hope.
Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."