Without rest, I get stuck.

For a couple hours this afternoon, I felt like I won the boy-momma lottery. I had three boys -- two of whom are 3 1/2 years old and another who is 22 months -- asleep at the same time. While two brothers snoozed in beds that weren't their own while their own momma worked toward birthing their baby sister and my own boy slept, I worked on a magazine article and tended to multiple loads of laundry.

And during that time I also remembered how I sat on the front porch Saturday night after a good day with my family and some of our best friends.

Flipping through my calendar and thinking about my to-do list overwhelmed me. I hadn't slept well for a couple nights. And I felt like I didn't have anything else to give. It seemed ridiculous, really, but I suddenly felt smothered. 

So I just froze last week and it caught up with me Saturday. I tried to pick a fight with my husband. I came home from my friend's house and cleaned my kitchen like a control freak needing to restore order. And while it was nice to get the dishes done, the disorder was really in my own mind. I sat on the porch swing outside while the rain fell just outside the shelter of my front porch.

I left some junk out there. I realized while I'm extrovert, I still need to regroup and remember and realize and relax. My husband told me he understood how I felt because we've been married 10 years {closer to 11 now ...} and I get like this every three to four months. I wanted to dispute his assessment of this habit of mine, but, well, I really couldn't. He was right. I give and work and plan and go and ... then I freeze. I feel overwhelmed and drained and worn out.

That night on the front porch and the couple night's of really great sleep that followed were good for me. I need to do a better job of taking more frequent breaks. Just mental time-outs. Otherwise I start feeling like a boat that is stuck in a field of grass when it's really meant to be exploring out on the water. Stuck.

Truth is, rest is good for everyone. Even the Creator of it all rested on the seventh day. For me, resting is acknowledging I can't {and shouldn't ...} try to do it all while recognizing my purpose. It's remembering I'm not really in control anyway. Resting is realizing deep breaths, intentional pauses, boundaries with my time, and personal priorities are necessary. The truth is easier to find that way.
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