Fussing

Written this morning at church ...

Ben fusses most every time before he goes to sleep. It is usually brief, but at this point it is expected. People will ask what was wrong or try to rock his car seat or make suggestions on how to stop the crying. I am not sure exactly what he is saying, but he gets over it and sleeps.

Most every week at church I end up in the baby room that should be a sound-proof place. I sit in the glider and rock. He cries some, and everyone hears because, like I said, the room isn't sound proof. [I have memories of my mom sitting with my brother, my sister and I in the "cry room" in the back of my childhood Catholic church sanctuary. If my memory serves me right, it was a sound-proof room.] Anyway, at least Ben's crying is short lived.

Sometimes I can't even hear what the speaker or worship leader is saying/singing. But I can still hear God.

I am just like Ben. I fight God, even when I know something is good for me. Usually it is momentary. Other times I drag it out, thanks to my stubbornness that tells me I know what I am doing.

Despite His all-knowingness, God welcomes my questions and hesitations. And usually he teaches me through them. I eventually welcome the rest He us providing or the new perspective He is sharing. My life, thankfully, doesn't remain the same.

Life is much more peaceful when I get to this point. Just like Ben, who relaxed with his head on my shoulder. His breathing changed. His posture relaxed. His crying quieted. His eyes closed. He decided to trust my arms to take care of him while he sleeps.

I kept rocking him, though. Just to make sure he was really asleep this time. The speaker was talking about the trial of Jesus and Truth. But my mind was thinking how fussing about what God is doing just delays the inevitable, which is probably good for us in the long run. Yet somehow God still doesn't turn away from our cries.

Change your life, not just your clothes. Come back to God, your God. And here's why: God is kind and merciful. He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot, this most patient God, extravagant in love ... Joel 2:13-14