Wednesday, July 30, 2008

See, I am doing a new thing! ...

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

I don't consider myself a fearful person. I don't worry about sugar substitutes giving me cancer or whether talking too much on the cell phone will do weird things to my insides. If I spent my life worrying about stuff like that, I'd be a wreck because every day there's a new study verifying the importance of one thing while discouraging other things because they *might* be harmful. I'm not afraid of spiders. And while I don't like birds, it's not fear as much as I'm weirded out by them.

When it comes to matters of the heart, the stuff that really matters, I'm not all that fearful either. I trust people. I like people. I realize my life is deeply enriched because I let people in. I realize I'll be disappointed, likely more than once, but that hasn't stopped me yet.

This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:6-7 (NLT)

Like the first verse says, our God is one who gives us new days. That's the beauty of grace. We constantly get to start over, and hopefully go into the new day with less fear than the day before.

My fears are more abstract than spiders, or even cancer. I'm afraid of forgetting. That's why I blog, and take pictures, and scrapbook, and write notes to myself. I'm afraid of forgetting little commitments I said I'd do. And I'm afraid of forgetting how amazing being the mother of a little one has been.

And forgetfulness frustrates me, especially when it's plaguing me.

Then I'm also fearful of losing people. I guess to death, but even more so to circumstances infected by human imperfection and emotion. That's definitely rooted in a past situation that tore my heart to pieces. But I definitely don't have control over other people and their reactions and decisions.

I cling too tightly sometimes. Maybe sometimes it's more in head than in my actions. But still. That past situation seems to creep in to my new days every now and then. While I'd embrace my old friend if she walked in the door right now; I still fear what happened to our friendship might happen again with someone else I love.

But God tells me not to fear. He tells me to love. And that's what I'll do. Today there is less fear than yesterday and tomorrow is yet another day. Thankfully, I'm not alone.

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