Three Word Wednesday :: Keep On Singing

You know that song “10,000 Reasons”? I love it, but one part gets me every time:

“Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me

let me be singing when the evening comes.”

That line gets me because most evenings I’m not singing. Really, most evenings I’m done trying to hold myself together. And plenty of evenings I’ve already crumbled.

When the evening comes, I’ve refereed sibling arguments while cooking dinner. I’ve been disappointed by people I love dearly. I’ve answered the same questions multiple times. I’ve been frustrated with those hard-to-love people in my life. I’ve been challenged and encouraged and failed in a matter of minutes.

But whatever may pass, whatever lies before me, God wants me to be singing. {Tweet that.}

I’m not patient, naturally. But I know that’s what God is working on in my life. He wants me to see people as he sees them. He wants me to remember my kids are watching me. He wants me to know him more so I can be more like him.

“You’re rich in love, and You’re slow to anger

Your name is great, and Your heart is kind.

For all Your goodness I will keep on singing

Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find …”

My husband and I had a hard conversation this weekend. It was one of those that started with one frustration I was having and overflowed into other related struggles. The conversation ended with him encouraging me to have a different perspective.

Y’all, adjusting my perspective is hard. And, really, I was at a loss of how to even begin. And then just two nights later during our small group, a wise friend said, “When we change what we think, we can change how we act.”

God answered the question I’d been holding onto. He reminded me he’s working here – beginning in my soul and overflowing into my home and my relationships.

The following night – three nights from when Greg and I stayed up too late discussing some hard parts of life – my daughter wandered out of bed a couple hours after we had tucked her in. “Is Jesus coming back tomorrow?” she asked us sincerely.

The three of us talked about how the Bible tells us we don’t know when Jesus is coming back but he is one day. We talked about how God tells us not to worry about tomorrow because he’s already there.

“He knows my whole life, doesn’t he?” Cate asked.

“Yes, and we’re so glad he knew you would be our daughter,” Greg told her.

We talked some about salvation and baptism and what being a Christian looks like. We talked about how we can’t do anything other than believe to become a Christian, but that when we do decide to follow Jesus there is a responsibility to love and serve others.

When Cate walked back upstairs, I could tell she was more at peace than when she came down 10 minutes earlier. Greg and I were reminded that despite our imperfections, God is working here in our family.

That hard conversation with my husband. The unsolicited advice from my friend. The unexpected conversation with my daughter. Those are reasons to keep on singing.

I add them to my #choosingJOY list on my phone and glance at others :: 148. Listening to music with Greg while driving home with the kids sleeping. 149. Kids’ excitement over passports. 150. Sky High Sports. 151. Songs and sermons that convict and encourage at the same time. 152. Doughnuts. 153. All four of us falling back asleep in our bed on Sunday morning. 154. Seeing God bring people and visions together.

“Bless the Lord, O my soul

O my soul

Worship His holy name

Sing like never before

O my soul

I’ll worship Your holy name”

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An InLinkz Link-up

I'm also linking up with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

The Beauty of Technology

I used to laugh (at least on the inside) when people met online. I didn’t understand how real connections could be formed like that.

I take it back.

I’m sorry I laughed, even if nobody actually heard me. I’m sorry I doubted the authenticity of the relationship just because it deepened through emails and Facebook messages.

My perception changed because some of the best encouragement in my life comes through emails, texts, Voxes, Facebook messages, tweets, and comments on my blog post. These friends of mine have prayed for me. They’ve promoted my ebook and sent real cards and gifts to my front porch. We may have met online, but they’ve shown up in real life – even if there are still some of them I’ve yet to meet in person.

These friendships are the beauty of technology.

I like Facebook for how it connects. I like my iPhone for how it makes the world a smaller place. Emails are like ongoing conversations with people I wish could be my neighbor. Plus technology helps maintain connections with people who used to live near and even those who still do.

Thankfully, I’ve got some amazing real-life friends who can actually come around my table to share meals and lives. I’d be lost without them. That’s why I didn’t think I needed to make friends online too.

But this new community I’ve found goes beyond pixels and font size. They’re another layer of encouragement to not grow weary in life and inspiration to continue telling my story. They pray for the people, sicknesses, conflicts, hurts, and decisions that are part of my real life. They praise God when healing comes and love is shown in my everyday life.

Just the other day my husband and I – who met long before we even had cells phones – were talking about how sometimes real life is hard. During those times, the prayers of people who aren’t right in the middle of the everyday-ness are blessings.

My family went with me to meet one of my favorite online encouragers when we were in Texas a little more than a year ago. I think they all thought I was a little crazy for wanting to go spend time with someone I’d never met in person. But they – and me! – have realized the in-person meetings can certainly happen after the friendship is already developed.

In March 2014, I spent the whole weekend with writer friends from what started as an online book launch group. Then my family and I met another favorite online friend of mine when we were in Chicago last spring. That time together wasn’t awkward like you may think it could be. In fact, it took our friendship to a deeper level – as did my other in-person meetings with online friends.
I have plans to meet up with a group of my blogging friends this summer. Yes, we connected through blogging, but our friendships go beyond that now.

I may have met all these folks and others online, but they’re real friends. They make me grateful I didn’t remain stubborn, laughing at the idea people could meet while sitting at their own computers. These blessings came when I decided to open up my life to community online, thanks to technology at its finest.
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I'm linking up this post with The High Calling, where others are sharing their technology stories, and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

On living in the light

“You know, momma, I just don’t like the dark.”

Those words came from my 7-year-old girl when I was questioning about why she was having trouble going to sleep the other night. It’s a regular thing: She reads in bed reading for some time. She knows it’s time to turn out the light, but she’s hesitant. And she’s so much like me: Her mind gets going right when she should turn it off. But it’s not that easy, I know.

And, really, who likes the darkness?

So I give her a hug and kiss. I tell her I love her. I say a quick prayer for God to calm her and give her rest. And I don’t see her again until I check on her before I head to bed and then nearly nine hours later awake her for school.

LIGHT has been my word for the year. It’s a popular blogger thing to choose a word for the new year. Like a trendy resolution. I like words, so I’ve been going along with it the for past several years.

But this year has been different.

God has shown me LIGHT in so many areas. I’ve worked through some childhood hurt that has spilled over into my adult life. I’ve witness God’s glory in some hard days. I hear the word in songs and realize its meaning in my everyday life. Book after book I’ve read have pointed me the LIGHT – such a stark contrast the darkness so many of us fear.

And I’m in the middle of “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore. If you’ve gone through the study, you get it. If you haven’t, you should. So many times I’ve felt caught in the doorway between darkness and light. I want to shut the door to the dark room and live in the room with all the natural light coming in through the windows. I spend so much time there, but sometimes meander back to the darkness.

I’m learning how to let go of that tendency. I’m learning to grab onto God because with him there is no darkness. And it’s easier to close my eyes at night because I know I’m not alone. That’s what I want my girl to learn too.

She’s a talker and a thinker. For as many words as she says, I’m pretty sure she has even more thoughts. These conversations about the literal darkness have spurred on so many good words between us.

A few days passed after her confession that she just doesn’t like the darkness. Then she brought me three $10 bills and eleven pennies. She wanted to give it to me. I’m not sure why. She just said it was a gift. As sweet and sincere as the gesture was, I told her I’d like to her to think of something else to do with that $30.11.

After a few minutes, she said she’d like to send Roselyn, our Compassion International-sponsored girl in Guatemala, a gift. We are only allowed to mail flat things like coloring pages, sticker sheets, and letters, so I encouraged her to come up with some like that.

Then her big, brown eyes lit up: “Can I help some other kids like Roselyn?”

I’m not sure she comprehends how “kids like Roselyn” live. Truthfully, I’m not sure I do either. But the fact she wants her $30.11 to help someone else is good. She went to bed with a gift catalog – you know, the one where you can choose meals to feed the hungry and medicine to help the sick – and I didn’t hear about the darkness from her that night.

The next morning, she showed me what she had circled. “Mom, you may need to help me. These things add up to $67.”

You can’t put a price on LIGHT, but I’m certain $67 will buy more than some gospel tracks, hot meals, and medicine. That money will shine the light on some dark situations – in Guatemala, maybe in Ecuador, and certainly right here in my own American home.
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It's nearing the Christmas season. I know. Choosing gifts for others is such a joy. We've loved helping others through Compassion International and have had good experiences doing so. I'd encourage you to check out those gift catalogs for a meaningful, life-changing kind of gift-giving. We've also loved sponsoring children through Compassion International. There's plenty of children who could benefit from your prayers, money, and relationship. 

Other posts about LIGHT :: One Word. Songs of Spring. Living & Learning. 

I'm linking this post with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Finding freedom in the wastelands

I was stressed and angry. I had lost sight of what’s important in parenting. I couldn’t see beyond minor inconveniences and infractions to regain perspective of what actually matters. I blamed others in my mind for my weariness.

And my tears and words exploded all over Greg while we drove to Nashville for a delayed anniversary overnight date. As we drove away from the soccer fields where both kids had games earlier in the day, I didn’t want to go. I was tense and mad.

But we went. I cried and screamed and confessed. He listened and suggested and reminded me of truth. He told me it was going to be a good night. Even though I was hesitant to believe him, I hoped he was right.

My life is good. My kids are smart, healthy, and funny. My marriage is better than it’s ever been. Yet I’ve been feeling angry and weary. I sort of knew why but I was struggling to process.

Greg helped me with that. He loved me despite my feelings and lack of perspective. By the time we reached our dinner destination, my heart and soul were calmer and I didn’t want to yell anymore.

At one point during dinner, Greg and I were talking about how parenting is hard, how we’re all broken, and how the two of us needed to refocus. And then he said, “You should blog about that.”

“About what?”

“This. You should blog about how parenting is hard.”

So here it is: Parenting is hard. For me, specifically, parenting my boy is hard.

I love him. I love his laugh and his sweet, kind ways. But I don’t get why he thinks peeing in trash cans right next to toilets is a good idea. I don’t get why his speech has regressed and he now sometimes puts a “th” sound in place of “s.” I don’t get why boys do what boys often do.

I’ve been caught up in controlling Ben’s behavior and not teaching his heart and mind. I’ve been angry that I feel like I’m failing him and squashing his energy and joy in the process. I’ve been frustrated I don’t know how to do this.

Greg reminded me that even while this season is hard with him that we are not failing him. Readjusting and refocusing is necessary, but we’re doing some things right.

{I've said it before: Age 4 has been my least favorite age with both my kids. Even with their different personalities, nothing has challenged me more than parenting a 4-year-old. I may change my story when they’re teenagers, but this what I know now.}

On Saturday, Greg and I ate dinner and talked. We went to Target and CVS. We sang along to NEEDTOBREATHE songs on preparation for the concert that prompted our date.

I felt free again.

And that was before the concert that was exactly why my weary soul needed. When I bought the tickets months ago, I had no idea how perfect the timing would be. I was one of 4,500 people there, but NEEDTOBREATHE had a message I needed to hear.

Last week while working through the lesson in “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore, I read Isaiah 43:19:

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”

I recognized the words from NEEDTOBREATHE's newest album. But I recognized the meaning from my own life.

Looking back, God was preparing me for Saturday night. Greg and I sang along with NEEDTOBREATHE at an amphitheater surrounded by trees. The weather was cooler than usual and felt perfect. I laid down some burdens and filled my head with what I believed to be true.

Of the two videos I found online from Saturday’s concert, one was lead singer Bear Reinhart talking about what he learned about God doing a new thing in his wasteland before he and the band played the song my soul needed. {Watch here.}

And I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised God was reminding me about LIGHT. Again. It’s truly become the theme of my year. “In this wasteland where I'm living, there is a crack in the door filled with light. And it's all that I need to shine.” Those words from NEEDTOBREATHE's “Wasteland” reminded me of a post I wrote earlier this year.

This was only one song and one message. There were others. But this is what I’m holding onto today because it echoes what God has been telling me. I’m so grateful for the soul relief that came with a reminder God is indeed doing something new.
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I'm linking up with the weekly Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood Gathering, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory, and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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LIGHT :: Living & Learning

Holley Gerth offers free words like these for your use.

My word for the year has been LIGHT. God kept bringing those five letters to mind, long before I knew what this year would be like.

Songs about light and finding our way out of the dark have really struck a chord with me. Josh Wilson’s “Pushing Back the Dark” is among the songs that will remind me of this year, when my heart broke for my dearest friend, when I faced scars I thought had healed, and when conflict invaded a peaceful sanctuary. I heard him talk about this song the other day on the radio: “We are all called to fight against the fall. … We can't do everything but we have to do something.”

Isn't that the truth? All this darkness isn’t always our fault. Yes, sometimes are actions have consequences we would have rather avoided, but human nature contributes to plenty of the darkness. Even so, we need to do something when we know the One who provides lasting light.

We need to mourn with friends and walk into their darkness.

We have to say yes even when we are scared and no when we are tempted otherwise.

We should give more than we get and believe in hope even when a situation seems impossible.

We need to move and lead and trust. Just standing around complaining and wishing isn’t going to change the world. But how we treat people in our daily lives, how we spend our time and money, and where we invest ourselves will.

Changing the world seems daunting, but God has been showing me it’s about making a difference where I am – in my kitchen, around my table, at my kids’ school, in the check-out lane at the grocery, in my car when other drivers can’t even hear me, and wherever else I step in this small town I call home. We don’t have to travel across the ocean or speak multiple languages – although that’s fine too.

We just have to shine our light, which is really God’s light. Just, I know. Easier said than done, but I’m thankful we get plenty of opportunities to try. And as we do the darkness will be less and the light from God alone will spill into the lives around us. Like the sun rising. Like a crack in the blinds. Like a flashlight from heaven.

Let’s not settled for barely being able to see in front of us. Let’s trust that God is leading us and preparing us for a place where darkness is no more. Let’s push back the dark and embrace the light.
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So many great songs have reminded me of this message this year. I have an ongoing playlist that will remind of this time, this journey. I’ve shared some in previous posts {here and here and here}, but here are some more songs that are part of my playlist ::

“Chasing the Light” by Mat Kearney :: “ ... Every bridge that keep on burning, every leaf that you keep on turning, every road that you find uncertain, pray for you now ... that you’ll figure it out. Every hope and dream that’s dying, every time that I see you crying, every step that you keep on climbing, pray for you now ... as you keep chasing the light. ...”

“Learning to Be the Light” by Newworldson :: “I'm learning to be the light ... that makes the shadows hide. The light that breaks the curse of pride. The light that takes the weary in its arms. When it all came crashing down, there was only darkness all around. But in the distance I could see a flame ...”

“Christ is Risen” by Matt Maher :: “... Christ is risen from the dead. We are one with him again. Come awake, come awake! Come and rise up from the grave. Oh death! Where is your sting? Oh hell! Where is your victory? Oh Church! Come stand in the light! The glory of God has defeated the night!”

“Wanted” by Dara Maclean :: “From the day you were born and took your first breath, you opened your eyes and in came the light. He was watching you. But all of your life you couldn't shake the lies in your head, saying you're a mistake. Oh but you were made by a God who knows your name. He doesn't make mistakes ...”

“Rise Again” by Needtobreathe :: “... We crawl through the abyss then we came through the other side. Heaviness is only temporary the daylight will soon break in. The sunlight can change a heart in the wake of a bitter end. Oh I know I’m gonna rise again. Set my sights on where I’m going and my goodbyes to where I've been ...”
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What are you hearing these days from God and in song?
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I'm linking this post with Holley Gerth’s Coffee for Your Heart, Beth Stiff’s Three Word Wednesday, Jennifer Dukes Lee’s #TellHisStory, and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox." This post contains Amazon affiliate links. 

Walking into a new season – together

Jaclyn and I used to meet at the park between finishing work and cooking dinner and walk laps. She told me about her day in an elementary school classroom and I shared stories from the small-town newsroom.

We talked about marriage and careers. We reminisced about our college days at the beginning of our friendship. We made plans and dreamed of what would come next.

And then neither of us got what we wanted next when we thought we wanted it.

Both of us, her first and then me, we wanted to be moms. Charting temperatures, having countless vials of blood drawn, going to more doctor’s appointments, keeping a calendar on paper although we knew it so well in our heads, and crying out to God dominated our conversations for what seemed like a long time.

She had a miscarriage not long after she first saw a positive pregnancy test. With one tube, she went on to birth three healthy babies in five years. Meanwhile, I never got good news from a pregnancy test, but adoption made a mom – twice in less than three years.

Together, we have five kids in five years.

And for the first time since we became mommas, they all went to school on Wednesday. Her first two and my oldest are all about a year apart, but then there’s 19-month gap before the next two, who are almost exactly nine months apart. So we don’t have a kindergartner between us this year, but we do have third-grade, second-grade, first-grade, and two different preschool classes covered.

I texted her Tuesday night: “Do you want to walk tomorrow morning WITH NO KIDS?”

Her response: “YES!”

We’ve spent some time as adult friends while our husbands or some other childcare provider had our kids, but it’s not regular. We mostly do life with these five in five years – or more recently some smaller combination of them – tagging along. We’ve pushed single and double strollers and figured out what to do with our kids who were too big for strollers while we walked. We’ve picked up toys our kids dropped while trying to share {or steal!} from each other. Those same kids have shared fruit snacks, claimed Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star as their song, and ended up in each other’s strollers.

That’s fine and good – and, really, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This is what we longed for. 

Seeing these kids who don’t know life apart from each other is the best testimony to God’s faithfulness. He heard the desires of our hearts. But walking our laps at the park Wednesday morning reminded me of just how far we’ve come.

Yes, we’re mommas now, but we’re also not the same people who walked and talked a decade ago.

We’ve experienced joy and pain in ways we never expected. We’ve settled into a community here that we weren’t sure we’d ever have. We’ve quit jobs and taken on new ones. We’ve changed more diapers than I’d ever care to count, swapped kids to help each other, and gathered around each other’s tables and in each other’s mini vans.

This is our life. And here we are in a whole new season – together.
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Linking up with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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{Adventure Bible} Truth Prevails

In noisy Chick-fil-A, Cate stopped sipping her Sprite and said, “Do you recognize that music?”

I listened closely, trying to focus on the music muffled by conversations all around us. But I couldn’t make out whatever it was she wanted me to hear.

Cate started humming and then singing ...

“... here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that you're my God,

You're altogether lovely,

Altogether worthy,

Altogether wonderful to me ...”

In that instant, I felt like I was doing something right. Her mind was being filled with truth, despite all the times I talk too harshly or expect too much. Mixed in with my mistakes are the moments she remembers singing praises to our Creator. Real life is full of messes and miscommunication.

But truth can still prevail.

Getting the messages that matter to be heard of the chatter of this world can be hard. But Cate reminded me last week in a booth at Chick-fil-A that it's worth continuing to try.

Life is busy, but there’s always ways to fill your mind – and your kids’ minds – with messages that matter. We listen to Christian music in the mini van we drive through life. We’ve been reading “Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Kids” on the slower summer mornings.

Cate also has her own Bible – not a storybook Bible – for the first time. “Adventure Bible for Early Readers” is working out well for my girl, who is an avid reader. It’s recommended for kids ages 6-9. It’s a NIrV translation and our version has a fancy 3D cover that my 4-year-old boy loves. So, yes, I'm sure it'll be passed on to him at some point.

Inside, “Adventure Bible” has special features, including “Words to Treasure” to encourage memory verses; “Did You Know?” boxes that point out interesting facts; blurbs about people and life in Bible times; a dictionary; and the standard book introductions, subject index, charts and maps. These features are what Cate loves when browsing the Bible herself.

Cate went to church camp for the first time this summer and took her new Bible with her. She liked being able to look up the theme verse in her own book and I realized the page with Philippians 3:12-15 is still dog-eared.

She may be a new Bible owner, but my girl seems to have some understanding about why this book matters. “I like it because it asks questions and it’s the real story of the Bible,” she said of “Adventure Bible.”

Bible storybooks and children’s devotions serve our family well. They are filled with stories and truth we want our kids to know as the foundation of everything else. We’re glad to add this children’s Bible to our life. Cate realizes there is something special to having the word of God in her hands, her mind and her heart.

And sometimes she hears a cue and sings about it.
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I received "Adventure Bible for Early Readers" for free from BookLook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review. These are my real opinions only influenced by what my daughter had to say. This post also contains Amazon affiliate links. 

I'm linking up today with Lyli Dunbar for Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

On Death & Life

Death has a way of shedding light on the living.

My husband's grandpa, Tommye D Taylor, who is best known as Papaw around here, passed away Saturday, June 28. He lived 87 years full of loving, serving, making deals in the transportation world, traveling to do business in all sorts of places, and dreaming up all kinds of ideas. We celebrated his life this past week with a visitation on Tuesday evening and the funeral and burial on Wednesday afternoon.

Even those events had his ideas all over them.

Papaw had given many family and friends personalized shovels so we could bury him the day he died. Well, he ended up agreeing to a traditional funeral not long before he passed away, but we used the shovels as he intended.

I wish I had counted how many people had the shovels with their name and relation to Tommye engraved along the red handle. There were many. Papaw loved people more than anything and his people showed up to celebrate him.

Probably not coincidentally, I'm reading "In Light of Eternity" by Randy Alcorn with my small group from church. Thinking about the heavenly reunion between Papaw and Greg's dad, Gary, best known as Granddaddy, gives me a new perspective of heaven. Granddaddy died unexpectedly more than four years ago.

While we miss both these men here, the faith they lived out assures us their deaths weren't the end. 

"Death is life's greatest certainty. Death will come whether or not you're prepared. But death is not an end; it's a transition that will bring us face to face with our Creator."

{Randy Alcorn in "In Light of Eternity"}

Earthly death and the mourning that comes with it prompts thinking of what's eternal and what really matters here.

Every day, but especially in light of death, I'm grateful for community that is lived out in simple ways: A friend grocery shopping for me at 8 pm. A friend bringing me a meal one night and watching my kids the next. Laughing while playing a board game with cousins. A friend who shows up even when her life is hard.

With this great-grandfather and grandfather not in my kids' lives anymore, I'm thankful there are other grandfatherly men around us to influence my kids and encourage my husband. Yes, they left gaps in our lives, but they left a legacy we're ready to share and live.

And there is peace in knowing Christ promises this life isn't the end for those who believe in him {John 3:16}. Now that's something for which we should live.
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I'm linking up this post with the weekly Soli Deo Gloria Gathering and Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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Be deep-spirited friends

While refilling my Diet Dr Pepper before I left lunch at Qdoba earlier today, I also was making sure 4-year-old Ben didn't walk out the door and into the parking lot and warned 7-year-old Cate to stop twirling right in front of a man she had no idea was behind her. Now, I appreciate a preschool boy’s willingness to hold the door for someone and I admire a second-grade girl who is confident enough to dance right there in the middle of a restaurant.

But I also am a mom.

I need to get tabs on my boy who often moves faster than me. I want my girl to be aware of what else is happening around her. This mothering job is constant and full of lessons – both the ones I learn and the ones I teach – when I least expect them.

As the drink refilling, door holding and girl twirling were happening, the guy who was almost victim to my girl’s swinging arms grinned and said, "No worries. You have a lot going on."

Honestly, in that moment, I felt like I had a lot going on. And I only have two kids. {And this wasn't the first incident involving my daughter’s arms at Qdoba.}

As I waited for my two to get their buckles fastened in the car, I started thinking about what he said and how it mirrored something I'd been thinking about: Everybody has a lot going on.

The mom of five runs around at a pace I can't imagine sustaining.

The woman in the midst of dreading taking another pregnancy test because she's sure it'll never be her turn is weary from the waiting.

The husband who works long hours because he thinks that’s the best way to provide for his family is bound to be lonely.

The couple who isn't connecting like they used to is struggling to find a way back or out or forward.

The couple who dreams of a large garden and room for their kids to run in wide open fields wonders if now is the right time for such a transition.

The women expecting twins, graduating college, planning her wedding, starting a new job, waiting for a job, worrying about how mothering two will be, waiting for an important phone call, deciding about the best schooling for her kids, or volunteering for the cause closer to her heart all have a lot going on.

But the busyness that comes with intentional living can't stop us from loving others.

Sure, we all have people and projects occupying our minds. But we can’t forget to check in our friend who is waiting or the one hurting.

We have places to be, but we can’t ignore the needs we see near us.

We have appointments and commitments. There are heartaches and pain. But we aren't alone in having a lot going on.

I don't want to get so caught up in my own convictions, disappointments, and priorities that I miss out on being able to be a friend. And I really want to be the deep-spirited friend who truly puts others before myself. I don't want busyness to rob me from actually living.
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I'm linking up this post with some of my favorite encouragers: Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday, Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart, Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory, and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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This New Season

Well, summer is here.

Don’t look at the calendar to confirm that fact. But look at the flip flops gathered by our back door. Notice the faint smell of charcoal ashes from the grilled hot dogs. There’s a pile of dirty, damp beach towels from our weekend at the lake awaiting their turn in the washer. No alarm sounded this morning. And we picked more strawberries this morning.

Relief and freedom fill the air around here.

We spent this past weekend celebrating summer’s beginning with my family at our lake house. We ate good, laughed much and soaked up the sun. The kids swam and jumped off the dock and chased each other through the grass and into the house. We grilled two dinners in a row there and another when we got home.

One of my favorite moments came after we all washed the lake off our skin: We gathered in the living room to play Game of Things. My 10-year-old niece Milla, 7-year-old daughter Cate, and 5-year-old nephew Jaxson played with us. And they got it. Their answers made sense and they got on to the jokes that started in previous rounds and carried on throughout the game.

I realized then and have continued to since: I’m in a different season of mothering. And this new summer season is showcasing that.

Hello, summer – both the literal season and the figurative one I seem to have waded in as a mother. Of course, my boy is the kind who jumps right in. Regardless, this is where we are.

Neither of my kids actually nap anymore. Some days Ben ends up falling asleep while looking at books in his bed, but we’re in a season of not planning that … or even really counting on that. Quiet times are still going to happen for my soul’s sanity. Cate will likely read, play with Legos, or watch a show on my old iPhone. Ben’s quiet usually involves looking at books or playing with Legos.

I don’t carry diapers or wipes in my purse {although I shouldn’t ditch wipes completely!} and I have two usually willing helpers in stores and restaurants. There are more questions, but there is more conversation that leads to understanding.

I encountered some frustrations yesterday with this growing independence – a battle of wills, if you will – but I like seeing my kids growing up. They make me laugh and they keep me coming back to God. I want to raise kids who love Jesus and are independent – not in a selfish way, but in a way that allows them to see needs and problem solve and help care for those around them. Many times I see that we’re getting there.

Like summer, I welcome this new season in motherhood. I want to soak it in now because I know it won’t be like this for long.

And, really, it’s a fun place to be. The water is nice. Come on in.
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I'm linking up this story with Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. 

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Growing Friends

"Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: 

'What? You too? I thought that no one but myself ... '"

{C.S. Lewis}

Cate bumped her head into a guy's arm at Qdoba last week, causing his drink to drop to the ground. It splattered on Cate's legs and prompted some tears. A combination of embarrassment and frustration, a teary Cate buried her face into my shoulder.

Her friend Malaika walked over to my other side, made eye contact, and said, "I know how you feel ..." before she and her mom told a story of Malaika accidentally spitting her gum into another woman's hair while cheering at a basketball game. They laughed at the story now as they retold it.

Cate wasn't laughing yet but she had a friend who came along side her in the midst of her embarrassment and frustration. The words "I know how you feel ..." softened Cate's demeanor.

Malaika walked with Cate into the bathroom, where they washed off her soda-splattered legs. My girl walked out cleaner and happier.


And I caught a glimpse of friendship working its transforming power.

I'm thankful for this season that has given us more time with Malaika and her parents as our girls play soccer together and the dads coach together. Without launching into Michael W. Smith's "Friends are friends forever ...," I have learned friends have to adapt as seasons change. And, yes, sometimes that's hard. Schedules, commitments and priorities sometimes work against the logistics of friendships. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

Schedule a play date after school at the park. Meet for breakfast instead of lunch. Get together with your friend's family on the weekend. Email. Vox. Text. Call. What you used to do might not always work. But friendships do withstand the test of time if you invest yourself.

It's important to teach kids to help with chores around the house, how to read and make scrambled eggs, when to say please and thank you. But it's also important to teach them how to be a friend and appreciate when someone is a friend to them. Being a friend and appreciating friends is a life-long process, but I really believe it's never too early to start.
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Joining Holley Gerth for her weekly dose of encouragement at Coffee for Your Heart and Lyli Dunbar for Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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Why I need to stop chasing God

Chasing God is exhausting. Yet God doesn't get weary of loving us.

Truly amazing, huh? 

I've been thinking about this lately. Since I first told God I would follow him, I've still struggled to give up control and trust. So instead of following my Savior, I've spent too much time rushing around trying to catch him on my own.

"Christ’s love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do. Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own." 

{2 Corinthians 5:14-15 in The Message}

Too often I've let my own expectations move me. Approval-seeking perfectionism propelled me when Christ's compassion and love should have compelled me. I've let my circumstances define my mood and other people's reactions dictate my emotions. I've let my own plans become my priorities.

"Over and over in Paul's letter, he urges his listeners to look past their current conditions and seek ways to bring glory to God in spite of the situation, and that doesn't happen by waiting to feel differently about it."

{Angie Smith in "Chasing God"}

Some days I wish my son would obey quicker and annoy his sister less. There are times I wish my daughter would quite worrying about what hasn't happened yet. I carry my own burdens of wanting to do more, thinking I should have said less, and wondering why details are the way they are.

But I need to lay those weights down. I need to stop chasing God.

God's got it. He doesn't need me trying to fix things and wait until I've got my act together. Really, if that were the case, I wouldn't actually need a savior.

But I do.

Because I'm human. So are you.

And we're going to struggle.

Our kids aren't going to listen.

Our plans are going to fall through.

We're going to lose our cool.

We're going to laugh til we cry and cry til we laugh.

We aren't always going to have the words our friend needs.

Other days we're going to say too much.

People are going to disappoint us and we're not going to please everyone we love.

But it's in those struggles, we find our Savior. Yes, sometimes it means letting go of our grudge or lowering our voice. But God's there.

"And the process of becoming more like Him is called sanctification; put simply, it's just the way we move toward righteousness and away from sin in our lives. We won't (in the life) ever be fully sanctified because we live in a bodies that aren't capable of perfection, but because of His love, we push ourselves to grow more like Him every day."

{Angie Smith in "Chasing God"}

In "Chasing God," Angie Smith has reminded me to recognize my need for a Savior. Following Him rather than chasing Him is likely to produce some longer lasting results. In her book, she made me want to seek God more, knowing it's going to be a life-long process. {She also made me laugh about Trapper Keepers because it's like she saw my middle school self, wanting to organize my life into those folders inside the fancy binder decorated with a cat.}

I haven't always been able to laugh at myself. That's something that's come as I've realized I don't need to chase my Savior. More importantly, each day has been part of the journey to walk farther away from my sinful nature and close to God's joy and righteousness. God's love compels me right here in the midst of my ordinary, earthly struggles.
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I received a free copy of "Chasing God" in exchange for a review from Icon Media Group. I was delayed in posting my review, but, honestly, it was good for me to read the book when I did recently. Angie Smith's message complemented some other things God has been teaching me.

I actually ordered hardback "Chasing God" when it released in January, so I'm going to giveaway that copy, which hasn't been read yet. So, who wants to read it? To enter to win, leave a comment about what God's teaching you about your everyday life. I'll randomly choose a winner Thursday, April 24.

Updated to congratulate Beth Stiff, who blogs at Simply Beth. The book is coming your way! Thanks to those who shared in the comments.

Updated on May 7 to include a second giveaway! Icon Media Group is offering another copy of "Chasing God" to one reader. Those of you who commented below will be entered to win this time too. Plus anyone else is welcome to comment below on what God's teaching you these days. I'll randomly choose a winner on Monday, May 18. Congratulations to Mindy on winning the second copy! Send me an email with your mailing address and I'll get Icon Media Group to send you the book.
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I'm linking this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory, Thought-Provoking Thursday at Lyli Dunbar's blog and Jill Savage's Hearts at Home blog hop. 

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Relax your heart

She tapped on my elbow again. After several prior physical therapy appointments, I knew this meant to relax. She didn't want me controlling my own reach. She wanted to see how far my shoulder could rotate up and sideways and back without the pestering pain.

That pain was what brought me into the physical therapy room that morning and several other mornings in February and March. This particular morning she was evaluating my progress.

She wanted to see if the massaging and stretching and pulling and prodding had loosened my shoulder and surrounding muscles and if my reach and rotation had improved. She measured and asked questions, like a post test. The pain was mostly gone but the reach and rotation was still less than normal.

And she reminded me to relax my arm. Again. "You have trouble relaxing your arm. You must like to be in control over your own movements," she said. Oh do I ever like to be in control. Of my arm movements, yes, but so many other choices and timelines too.

Like she taps on my elbow, I have to mentally tap myself. Yes, I have to remind myself to relax, but I'm doing better.

I sat with a fiction book the other day. The kids were playing outside and the clean clothes just waited for me to fold them. I started to read "Missing You" by Harlan Coben.

This morning started with a date with my husband. I didn't even look at my to-do list. We talked, laughed, ate breakfast at a restaurant, and enjoyed our spontaneous time together after the kids were off to school with my sister-in-law.

I talked the other day with my daughter instead of rushing into the afternoon homework routine. I understood her in a new way because I didn't hurry.

I left some dirty dishes in the sink after friends were over to watch basketball. I sat next to my husband on the couch and watched more basketball. And then last night we got in bed before 9 and watched an episode of "House of Cards." Yes, I had many different thoughts going through my mind, but I needed to be mentally done with the day instead of pushing myself to do one more thing.

I schedule monthly massages because I need a physical reminder not to carry so much of life on my shoulders. At first I felt guilty, but I let go of that.

Relaxing is part of my cure in laying down the idol named Productivity in my life. Curing perfectionism that seeks approval and and hoards replacement loves instead of Christ's love takes time because it's a process.

Like my shoulder is finding relief through the therapy, my heart is finding relief when I relax. It takes more than one appointment and some stretching, but I'm kinder and slower to anger this way. I'm seeing my daughter who is so much like me with more compassion when she talks about why recess was frustrating. I like life more when I free to enjoy it.

It's the middle of the week. Frustrations may be mounting. Maybe you're weary. Perhaps you have too many things on your mind like I did yesterday. Whatever it is, loosen your grip. Do what you can, but know you can't do it all.

Relax.

Relax your shoulders, yes. Don't carry all the world's problems there.

And relax your heart because from there everything else flows.
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I'm linking this post with two of my favorite encouragers: Holley Gerth, who hosts Coffee for your Heart, and Beth Stiff, who leads Three Word Wednesday. I'm also joining Lyli Dunbar for Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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Jesus rearranges us

When I was a kid, I used to love rearranging my bedroom furniture. Somehow I would manage to move the full-sized canopy bed, dresser, and bookshelf/drawer combo around the dark brown carpet all on my own. I'd avoid blocking the three windows that overlooked our backyard and the neighbor's yard that diagonally separated my yard from one of my best friend's.

Even then, I liked order. For someone who has long been reluctant to embrace change, I have no idea why rearranging my bedroom furniture was appealing. Perhaps controlling the change was comfortable for my perfectionist ways.

I could fall asleep soundly with my bed in a different place, but anticipating a change in life I don't have control over could keep me up at night. Yet when we follow Jesus, we have to rearrange our life. 

The sermon in church on Sunday included that idea. I've been thinking about it since. As soon as our former pastor who still is on the speaking team uttered those words, I was taken back to pushing and pulling my furniture across the carpet.

And I remembered how I've dug in my heels so many times. I've stalled changes in life because I was afraid of what the new season would bring. I've resisted change because I wasn't in control of what would happen next. I've said never to living where I live, a job I loved, quitting said job to be a stay-at-home mom, and enrolling my kids in a private school that turned out to be a perfect fit for us.

Never say never, I know.

Because Jesus may call you to lay down something down or pick up something new or invite someone in or go against what you've always known or take steps into the unknown. God doesn't leave the us the same. He makes us new and continues making us new. He doesn't leave us in the wilderness but changes us as we journey to the Promised Land.

In December, I had to let go of my desire to adopt a third child. It was bittersweet. It was hard, but it was freeing. Since then, I keep walking by the room I thought we'd make a nursery again. It's just been sitting there. Empty. Bare.

God laid on my heart the desire to give the room purpose again. So as of Saturday, it's a guest room. I have no idea if it will forever be a guest room, but this rearranging was necessary for my soul as I follow Jesus. Moving around furniture this time wasn't as easy, but I'm glad it's done.

In the process of life, God rearranges our desires and our decisions. He fills our hearts with convictions we never anticipated being important. He perfects us through real life that often looks nothing like we imagined. Sometimes it's hard, but we're always better for it.

Like I rested peacefully in that childhood canopy bed of mine wherever it was in my bedroom, I don't want to be scared to let go. I want to rest in what Jesus has for me, even when it means rearranging my thoughts, desires, dreams and expectations.
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I'm joining Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party, Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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{Storyline} Only Love Today

Love this encouragement from Hands Free Mama.

God has many roles in our lives. He's a father, shepherd, king, author, and creator. He's full of grace, love, judgement, forgiveness, commandments, promises, hope, and strength. And in all of that, he's a storyteller. He creates the story and he gives us roles in the plot. He knows the conflicts and how we'll overcome them.

And he lets us in on the ending.

But we're not there yet. We're still in the pages, discovering more of what adventures, characters and conflicts are part of our stories. Through it all, God wants us to connect. To Him. To ourselves. To each other. To our neighbors. To strangers.

It's a risky business, really.

"Love is all about risk and it's not for the faint of heart. A controlling person is driven by fear, not strength. People are controlling because they fear the risk inherently involved in relationships. The more fearless a person is, the less controlling he becomes.

Now, here's a truth that may surprise you: God isn't afraid and so God isn't controlling. He actually gives people the opportunity to walk away. This is the only way God can have a sincere, authentic and loving relationships with His creation."

{Donald Miller in "Storyline"}

"Storyline" is about God's story and how we all have a subplot within that. I'm working through the book with some online friends and I'm blogging my way through. This week we're talking about the introduction and my mind is already flooded with thoughts.

So here I am thinking about planning and writing and living my story, but not because it's mine. Ultimately, it's God's. He's the author, but he let us in on the pages. He lets us dream and plan and pursue. Yes, sometimes he changes our plans because he sees more of the book, but we're given freedom and creativity that we can use to intentionally make a difference.

For me, knowing this reminds me life is a process. There's going to be good days and bad days but if we're seeking God, our life is going to matter because it's about more than just ourselves. Sometimes we don't know what next, but we do know the conflicts and adventures and relationships are taking us somewhere and through it all we're slowly being perfected into becoming more like Christ.

I've been thinking about this subplot of mine and I'm not entirely sure how it will unfold. But I also know that's OK. I don't always have to know the future because I know the Author of it all. 

But when I think of my story, what comes to mind first is how I want to be a person who provides for other people and cares for them in tangible ways. As a wife and mom I already do this on a near constant basis. I also see myself reacting this way when I see a need. I want to gather items, offer assistance, etc. In church Sunday, the sermon mentioned how Jesus was hospitable.

Community and hospitality have always been such a big part of my life. It's been around kitchen tables, during play dates at the park, and in ordinary conversations that God has transformed my heart. It's been in these every day places I've seen God most vividly.

Hospitality comes from the same word as hospital. And, yes, it's just as healing.

Because I've been changed in community, I want to be able to share some of our story of becoming a family and being a family through a written story. I want to collect diapers and supplies for the expecting momma who is being shunned in her home country and seeking political asylum here with her daughter is who about my daughter's age. I want my convictions to be lived out in action.

I want to love. Only love today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. It seems simple, but it's complicated and transforming.

I used to think that meant I had to have a bigger audience and bigger dreams. But seeking God gives me all the audience I need. He gives me strength and purpose right here, in my ordinary, everyday life caring for my family, my friends and others in my small-town community.

I'm not entirely sure how this subplot fits into God's master story, but I believe it does because love matters and is worth the risk.

How does knowing God has a story {and we're part of it!} help explain life? What do you think your subplot might be in the story of God? You're welcome to link up your thoughts below or share in the comments. Each week, there'll be a different prompt. Next week we're talking about where we've been so far in our stories and mapping our lives on timelines.
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This is the first post in a 10-week series as I work through "Storyline" by Donald Miller with some friends. 

I'm also linking this post with some other friends: Jen Ferguson and her Soli Deo Gloria party; Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory; Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday; and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. All these communities encourage real love. 
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Be brave. Relief will come.

Even at 4 years old, he had a plan. Be brave for the shots and then go to Chick-fil-A.

Ben was recently diagnosed as being allergic to trees, weeds, grass and dust mites. Clearly these are things I can't really keep away from him. So allergy shots it is. Yes, plural. One in each arm twice a week, starting today. The frequency will become less as the treatment continues. Hopefully his ear infections and nose bleeds will become less frequent too.

He didn't want to pull away from the plan until the nurse was holding the needle. Then he didn't want to be brave anymore. He wanted to kick and pull away. He wanted to resist.

I can see a bigger picture. I understand that this momentary fear will be so worth it once he has relief. He could only see that needle in her hand and the one near her on the counter. He could only remember how all those pricks in the back and arms bothered him before.

I remember how scared I was when I was diagnosed with insulin-dependent diabetes a decade ago. That fear propelled me forward but in the beginning if I thought too much about the needles piercing my flesh I got nauseated. I still can't watch nurses draw my blood. Yet I overcame the fear because I learned it was worth it to feel better and I became comfortable taking care of myself this way.

As Ben pulled away from me this morning, trying to escape this needle that would be such a blip in the big picture, I realized I do the same thing with God sometimes.

I get scared sometimes too, even when I have a plan. I want to pull away from the One who is orchestrating the details because I have a plan of my own. I want to pull back from people I love because they've frustrated me. I want to push against change that will heal my soul and risks that will strengthen my faith.

But relief will come. 

If I just take that first step

or send that email

or ask that friend how I can pray

or try that new thing

or meet that new person

or go to the place I've never been

or let go of control, again

or if I try again after I failed the first time.

God is the giver of the dreams, so he's going to give us what we need to overcome the fear. He's going to strengthen us and heal us as we face whatever fears are like needles piercing our life.

Ben survived the two shots this morning. I'm pretty sure he'd forgotten about his fear by the time he ate his Chick-fil-A biscuit and climbed in the play area. That's the thing about fear, it's fleeting if we cling to the One who promises everlasting relief. 
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I'm sharing this story with God-sized Dreamers, Crystal Stine's Behind the Scenes, Jen Fergson's Soli Deo Gloria Party and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday.

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Letting go is part of life's process

I let go of our adoption process that hasn't actually ever been much of a process. A process implies the paperwork is a step toward something. Rather it seemed like we were walking in frustrating circles.

Two Januarys ago, I opened myself up to the idea of adoption, even though it scared me. In the past two years, God's drawn me to him and made me think about family and loving the least of these. He welled up in me a desire to expand our family.

I'm not entirely sure why, but now we believe we're supposed to lay our family before him. He still has me thinking about family and loving the least of these, but I knew I needed to let go.
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Coming off two independent adoption processes in 2007 and 2009, we've never loved the idea of adoption agencies. But after waiting awhile this time around, we dived in. And we got caught off guard and caught up in the bureaucratic red tape that is an adoption process, especially in Kentucky. I became distracted and burdened.

In the past two years, God has taught me much about letting go. But he's still teaching me. I've been holding tightly this desire to have a this third child. And I need to let go. Because I'm not really in control anyway. Because I have two kids who need more than a distracted momma wishing for more. Because my husband agrees.

We met with an adoption agency the Friday before Christmas. I was reservedly excited that this would be it. After a girl in Bulgaria and a homeless toddler in Jackson, Miss., seemed like they could be the aim of this adoption process but then fell through almost as quickly as those phone calls came, I really wanted this agency to be where we were going. After some philosophical differences with a social worker who pretended to know us but didn't actually ask questions that mattered, I hoped for a connection this time.

But after three hours of sitting across a desk from the well-meaning director, I left knowing this wasn't it. On the way to pick up our kids from Grandmom, I talked a little and mostly cried.

I talked little because there really wasn't much else to say.

I cried because I knew it was time to let go.
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The rest of that evening was filled with sweet distractions courtesy long-time friends' and their families. It was good to laugh about motherhood and memories. It was freeing to say I didn't know what was next. They were just what I needed.

And then the next day there was more socializing that had nothing to do with adoption and everything to do with life. When Greg and I got into bed that night, we ended up talking about adoption.

We independently had arrived at the same decision: We aren't going to pursue anything adoption related right now. And let me tell you, there is so much peace when God plants to two hearts at the same place before we even open our mouths to discuss it. I needed that clarity.

My life has finally taught me never to say never, so I'm not going to theorize about our future. I'm just going to say this agency wasn't for us and I'm going to let go.

Our hearts are open to the possibility of bringing a third child into our family. I've long believed this time would different than our other two times. I still don't know what that means or if it even matters at this point.

But I do know I serve a God who gives every good gift in the time that is perfect. And he's good even when I don't get my way. Sometimes letting go makes way for the God-sized dreams he has for us. As I learned this past year, being drawn to him is the ultimate dream anyway.

I know I have two healthy, funny kids who fit perfectly in our family. Greg and I agree we don't yearn for someone who is missing. It's more about believing we have more to give. Perhaps our family is complete. And we're OK with that.

I also know I'm not who I once was. Being a mom has changed me. How I became a mom has changed me. And these past two years of pursuing and waiting have changed me.

So perhaps the process that has yet to lead to a third child really has been important in ways that truly will change my family. Letting go is freeing. And, yes, sometimes it feels like a free fall. But God's got us. By loosening my grip on adoption, I seem more able to live my life, the one right now, right here, that doesn't involve a scripted process.
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With this post, I'm joining Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party, where we're always free to bare our souls and where she's talking about our real-life meeting. My similar version of the story is coming tomorrow. And, yes, Greg and I really bungy jumped together in August 2009 in Queenstown, New Zealand. 

I'm also linking up with my God-sized dreaming sisters. {And then again here in March when it was again releveant!} For me, letting go is hard, and sometimes verbalizing it is even harder. But finding the words is freeing, just like the actual loosening of my grip. Read what I learned from a year of God-sized dreaming here. 

I later linked up with Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory because letting go is part of God's story for me, and Thought-Provoking Thursday at Lyli Dunbar's place {and who cares that's it's actually Friday now!}. 

I spent November blogging about adoption. Feel free to catch up on our story in that series. 
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