{Review} Restless

Some of the moments that have shaped me the most have been the hardest to walk through. But they matter. Those seasons of heartache changed me and showed me how much I need God. The grieving and adapting and resolving are often processes, but those trials continue to shape my perspective of what God is doing and wants to do for his glory – in my life and all around me.

This idea isn’t new to me. I spent time thinking about it when I worked through Donald Miller’s “Storyline.” God’s glory – especially in the hard times – became even more real to me as I read Jennie Allen’s “Restless: Because You Were Made for More.”

Like “Storyline,” this book prompts introspection of where you’ve been and where you’re going – and why that matters. Both authors also use Joseph’s life has an encouragement that what could have broken us can still be redeemed.

After decades of suffering, some of which came by the hands of his brothers, Joseph still embraced redemption.

But Joseph said to them, "Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

{Genesis 50:19-21}

Joseph was able to speak kindly to those who had hurt him because God changed him. God saved his life – and likely others – because Joseph realized suffering was just part of the story. His brothers weren’t going to fulfill him, only God would.

Sure, Joseph’s life was messy. So is mine. I’m guessing yours is too.

But God just needs us to bring it all to him.

Jennie Allen energized me to live intentionally – for God’s glory alone. What we say to people, where we send our kids to school, how we prioritize our marriage and other relationships, who we invite over and in, where we go, how we spend our time and our money, and what we teach our kids ... all of that matters.

“Restless” is a book that encourages and challenges on the same page. It’s packed with truth I wanted to highlight with my pen and absorb with my heart. There is space to write and process and I know I’ll revisit these pages over and over again.

My word for this year is LIGHT. And God’s been incorporating that single yet powerful word into nearly everything he’s teaching me this year. It carried over while I was reading “Restless” and learning more about how God’s glory exists in my everyday life.

“We are souls undone and rebuilt by the Spirit of God. As God surveys this earth, he sees light and darkness. And he sees his light, his Spirit wandering through neighborhoods, offices, schools, Walmarts, Chick-fil-A playgrounds, and eating breadsticks at Olive Gardens. We possess God and are filled with him for the very same purposes that Peter, John, Paul, Mary and Luke in the early church were filled with him. We are filled with God to pour him into the darkness, pour him into the broken souls who are starving for something.”

{Jennie Allen in “Restless”}

And that starts wherever you are. Messes and all.
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I received a copy of "Restless" from Booklook Bloggers in exchange for an honest review. So here it is, my honest opinion, although be glad I limited it. I could share quote after quote and talk for days on this one. 

I'm linking this review with my friends at Circles of Faith, where you can find more book recommendations in a monthly post dedicated to such.

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Turning my worship from Productivity

A couple friends and I text almost every day. When one of them asks how my day is, I answer immediately with a list of what I've accomplished and what I plan to accomplish. I cite my to-do list. I reference my productivity.

I let accomplishments and productivity define my day. A good day is one when I've conquered errands and chores with time to spare for writing or playing. A frustrating day means my plans have been shuffled or my chores disrupted.

It's no secret I have perfectionist tendencies.

God's been teaching me to let go of those ways, but it's a process. During this journey I've come across books and people who have spoken so much truth into my life. Most recently, this Love Idol movement inspired by Jennifer Dukes Lee's book that releases April 1 has wrecked my heart.

And I mean wrecked in a good, life-changing way. I've only read the introduction and first chapter of "Love Idol," but Jennifer's works have me thinking and praying and surrendering and trusting in a new way.

"Instead of resting in the love and approval of an unseen God, we chase after the temporary pleasures of human validation.

Whatever rules our hearts becomes our lord. The person who seeks approval and acceptance can become controlled by it. The person who is motivated primarily by a need for human affirmation is, in the end, ruled by it.

If we don’t get the love and acceptance we crave, we’re deflated. But if we do get the approval we want, we might not be any better off, for we are tricked into thinking our idols offer fulfillment. And we keep going back for more.

This book is for any of us who want to live content in God’s perfect love, freed up from the wearying demands of the Love Idol."

{Jennifer Dukes Lee in "Love Idol"}

I named my idol Productivity.

In effort to truly let go of my worship of getting things done when there are people right here to love, I spent some time -- lots of time, if I'm honest -- trying to think of what I could give up for Lent, which begins today.

I texted with a friend who is on this journey with me because my extroverted ways often process truth in conversations. I struggled to figure out just what God was calling me to lay down before him.

I thought about my to-do list and calendar. I wondered about silencing my words about productivity. I considered what was pushing my attention on Productivity, that pesky idol that seems to be a good thing.

Sometimes I try to prove to myself I'm more than "just a mom." So I take on projects and volunteer for things that use my skills of organization and promotion. I add commitments to the calendar and then become distracted at home. Last fall, I laid down several commitments that were all good things so I could focus on the best things.

The best thing is that I am a wife, mom and friend. Those roles doesn't necessarily come with appointments that fill specific spaces on the calendar, but they do come with responsibilities and commitments. And that's where I want my attention. God's been working on me this way as I work through "Storyline" with some friends online. I shouldn't be surprised this week's lesson was on our roles. Donald Miller reminded me too much of even the best roles isn't sustainable in the big picture: "When we play too many roles, our story suffers for clarity. ... None of us can connect with everybody. We have to choose."

"Love Idol" is a movement that's reinforcing what's already happening in my heart. So, starting today, I'm going work on my attitude. Instead of rushing the kids out the door because I had to send one more email or start one more load of laundry, I'm going to let those chores wait. Because when I start rushing, my voice gets louder and harsher.

What that means in a practical Lenten sacrifice is I'm not going to yell or rush. I'm not going to let Productivity define my days. When "How is your day?" comes to me in a text, I'm going to answer the question with truth, not with a list of accomplishments and expectations.

This is all a process of sanctification, of being more like my Creator. As I read Angie Smith's "Chasing God," I realize I do chase God when I should be following him.

"We will take one more and more characteristics of our God, and our attitudes and behavior will be different. But don't think it's something you're in control of or that' it's a project God dumped in your lap and told you to complete.

Paul explains, 'And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit' (2 Corinthians 3:18).

... the phrase 'being transformed' is in a passive tense, indicating that we aren't in charge of transforming ourselves; it's the work of the Holy Spirit within us. ... So the sermon notes, the stacks of Christian books, and all the fellowship potlucks you have on your calendar are a waste of time if you aren't relying on Him. Our strength is just not enough to make us grow in holiness."

{Angie Smith in "Chasing God"}

For me, worshiping Productivity is me trying to transform myself. That's not my role in sanctification and true transformation.

Holley Gerth reminded me in a conversation last weekend that working harder isn't always the answer. Becoming a worker takes away the worship God wants from our lives. Using our gifts and loving on the people near us is worship, but idolizing Productivity takes away from the glory God wants to display.

Of course, there are going to be days where chores and work are required, but I want to live in a way that my completion of those tasks doesn't make or break my day. Yes, there are going to be appointments I have to keep, but I want to go in a way that doesn't cause stress and harsh, loud words.

I'm going to lay down Productivity so I can be the wife, mom and friend God wants me to be. He's created me for this and he sees my heart, not all the check marks and accomplishments on my calendar. In Christ alone, I'm enough and chosen and a child of God and made new and treasured and free and redeemed and held and whole and loved and cherished and known and beloved and valuable. And I'm preapproved. There's nothing I can do to change any of that.
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As part of the launch team for "Love Idol" by Jennifer Dukes Lee, I got a sneak peek into the pages of this book. The subtitle is worth taking in too: Letting Go of Your Need for Approval and Seeing Yourself through God's Eyes. Who can't relate to that? The book will be available April 1, but you can pre-order it now. You can also join the Love Idol Movement page on Facebook. 

With this post, I'm joining Jennifer's #TellHisStory community, where she beautifully tells why she's covering all her mirrors for Lent. 

This is fourth "Storyline" post as I make my way through the workbook with friends. You can read my previous posts here. They're really part of this process, which you can tell by their names, especially Only Love Today and People Over Projects. 

Want more stories? Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox." This post contains affiliate links. 

{Storyline} People over projects

I'm an extrovert who loves projects. 

Perhaps that's a contradiction. But it's true.

I'm working through Donald Miller's "Storyline: Finding Your Subplot in God's Story" with some friends online. The most recent exercise from that book involved creating a timeline of the positive and negative turns I listed. I wasn't sure what this would reveal about my life's theme, but one thing quickly surfaced.

Relationships. 

I realize that's not deep. But people have mattered in my story.

God has used relationships {both good and bad} to draw me to him and change me. From my parents to my marriage to various friendships throughout the years to my kids, these relationships have sustained me, drained me, refocused me, shaped me, and changed me. I've seen God's grace, faithfulness, provision and conviction through people through my life.

Being a mom has changed me and shaped my faith in more ways than any other relationship I've had. This surprises me sometimes, but then I remember adopting Cate and Ben have been God's greatest displays of His faithfulness. Some of my hardest and best moments have come because I'm a mom, their mom. So, of course, that's where I see God.

It's ironic relationships surfaced as a theme for me because so often (perhaps too often) I see myself as a task-oriented person. I thrive on conquering a to-do list or finishing a project. I often have multiple projects going on at the same time. But those aren't the things that made my timeline.

The day I ran 15 errands in three hours doesn't matter. The time I scrubbed the bathroom floor doesn't change lives. A clean house is pointless if everyone inside it feels pushed aside. God certainly gave me perspective during this exercise.

It's a perspective that boils down to people over projects. And, you know, sometimes I have to remember, people aren't projects. I can't set out to perfect my kids' behavior because their hearts are what actually matter. Even when a dear friend is struggling in her marriage, I have to trust God to heal those two hearts in his time. My husband needs grace when he walks in the door from work and I'm frustrated about what's been happening in the hour before.

Here's to loosening my grip on my to-do lists so I can truly see the people near me. I'm certain I'll see God there too. 

Have you noticed a theme in your life? I'd love to hear about it in a linked up post or in the comments below. You don't have to have read "Storyline" to join the conversation.
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This is the third post in a 10-week series as I work through "Storyline" by Donald Miller with some friends. Read other posts in the series here. Next Tuesday we'll be talking about how God redeems. 

I'm joining Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria party, Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory, and Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday with this post because those ladies have taught me a thing or two about why people matter. 

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{Storyline} Oh the places we go

In the road of life, we have to make decisions and turns. Some times we have to yield or stop or speed up. We have to wait our turn and merge when there is space. Moment after moment our journeys are being written.

Donald Miller uses Joseph's life to talk about positive and negatives turns we experience in life. These are the events and moments that'll make it on our storyline that illustrates our life. In Joseph's life there were many. He hears from God in a dream, was thrown in a well because he bragged to his brothers, taken into slavery, excelled in slavery and ran Potiphar's house, accused of rape and imprisoned, excelled in prison and ran the prison, interpreted the dreams of Pharaoh's confidants, waited for justice, made second in command.

Not everything that happened to Joseph was good, but God continued the work he had begun long ago in Joseph's life. Through all the negative and positive turns, Joseph's heart was changed.

But Joseph said to them, "Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

{Genesis 50:19-21}

And isn't that really the point of it all? To be changed from the inside out so we can make difference in the lives of those near us is what brings God glory. Our lives are the subplots in God's bigger story.

In this week's "Storyline" exercise, I listed some positive and negative turns in my life. All of them involved relationships, career-related decisions or health conditions.

I've been shaped by my parents' marriage, friendships, discovering I was good at telling other people's stories in print, deciding to follow Jesus, moving away to college, meeting my husband, getting married, church community, being diagnosed with diabetes, a season of infertility that lead to adoption, taking what seemed like financial risks when my husband started his own law practice and then a year later quitting my job to become a stay-at-home mom, adopting again, my father-in-law's unexpected death, expanding my skill set to include managing lake houses, and laying down our desire to adopt a third time.

And those are just the major moments. There are thousands of smaller moments that matter.

We don't live so we can mark major moments on life's timeline. We live to be changed and grow and make a difference and bring glory to the Maker of it all.

These stories of ours matter. The major milestones are worth marking. The everyday moments are worth remembering. The relationships sustain us. The decisions are made almost constantly, regardless of whether we're intentional about them.

"You didn't make yourself in your mother's womb, God did, and to say you aren't important is to say his creation lacks substance. Are you the center of the world? No, but the one who created the world created you as the pinnacle of that creation. Accept this fact and with it the responsibility to live a great story. Lives depend on it."

{Donald Miller in "Storyline"}

My life depends on my story being part of God's story, yes. But so do the lives sharing my house. And the ones down the street and the ones I keep up with on Facebook. How I live my story goes beyond me. I'm the character in my story, but I'm not alone. There are hard days and tough decisions and pleasant surprises and everyday joys. Ultimately, God will use it all -- even the rocky roads -- for good. For his good. For our good. And for their good. Wherever it is we go.

What positive and negative turns would be on your storyline? Have you seen God working good through those moments? Please share in the comments or link up a post of your own.
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This is the second post in a 10-week series as I work through "Storyline" by Donald Miller with some friends. Read other posts in the series here. Next Tuesday we'll be talking about the theme of our lives. 

I'm also joining Jennifer Dukes Lee for #TellHisStory.

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{Storyline} Only Love Today

Love this encouragement from Hands Free Mama.

God has many roles in our lives. He's a father, shepherd, king, author, and creator. He's full of grace, love, judgement, forgiveness, commandments, promises, hope, and strength. And in all of that, he's a storyteller. He creates the story and he gives us roles in the plot. He knows the conflicts and how we'll overcome them.

And he lets us in on the ending.

But we're not there yet. We're still in the pages, discovering more of what adventures, characters and conflicts are part of our stories. Through it all, God wants us to connect. To Him. To ourselves. To each other. To our neighbors. To strangers.

It's a risky business, really.

"Love is all about risk and it's not for the faint of heart. A controlling person is driven by fear, not strength. People are controlling because they fear the risk inherently involved in relationships. The more fearless a person is, the less controlling he becomes.

Now, here's a truth that may surprise you: God isn't afraid and so God isn't controlling. He actually gives people the opportunity to walk away. This is the only way God can have a sincere, authentic and loving relationships with His creation."

{Donald Miller in "Storyline"}

"Storyline" is about God's story and how we all have a subplot within that. I'm working through the book with some online friends and I'm blogging my way through. This week we're talking about the introduction and my mind is already flooded with thoughts.

So here I am thinking about planning and writing and living my story, but not because it's mine. Ultimately, it's God's. He's the author, but he let us in on the pages. He lets us dream and plan and pursue. Yes, sometimes he changes our plans because he sees more of the book, but we're given freedom and creativity that we can use to intentionally make a difference.

For me, knowing this reminds me life is a process. There's going to be good days and bad days but if we're seeking God, our life is going to matter because it's about more than just ourselves. Sometimes we don't know what next, but we do know the conflicts and adventures and relationships are taking us somewhere and through it all we're slowly being perfected into becoming more like Christ.

I've been thinking about this subplot of mine and I'm not entirely sure how it will unfold. But I also know that's OK. I don't always have to know the future because I know the Author of it all. 

But when I think of my story, what comes to mind first is how I want to be a person who provides for other people and cares for them in tangible ways. As a wife and mom I already do this on a near constant basis. I also see myself reacting this way when I see a need. I want to gather items, offer assistance, etc. In church Sunday, the sermon mentioned how Jesus was hospitable.

Community and hospitality have always been such a big part of my life. It's been around kitchen tables, during play dates at the park, and in ordinary conversations that God has transformed my heart. It's been in these every day places I've seen God most vividly.

Hospitality comes from the same word as hospital. And, yes, it's just as healing.

Because I've been changed in community, I want to be able to share some of our story of becoming a family and being a family through a written story. I want to collect diapers and supplies for the expecting momma who is being shunned in her home country and seeking political asylum here with her daughter is who about my daughter's age. I want my convictions to be lived out in action.

I want to love. Only love today. And tomorrow. And the day after that. It seems simple, but it's complicated and transforming.

I used to think that meant I had to have a bigger audience and bigger dreams. But seeking God gives me all the audience I need. He gives me strength and purpose right here, in my ordinary, everyday life caring for my family, my friends and others in my small-town community.

I'm not entirely sure how this subplot fits into God's master story, but I believe it does because love matters and is worth the risk.

How does knowing God has a story {and we're part of it!} help explain life? What do you think your subplot might be in the story of God? You're welcome to link up your thoughts below or share in the comments. Each week, there'll be a different prompt. Next week we're talking about where we've been so far in our stories and mapping our lives on timelines.
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This is the first post in a 10-week series as I work through "Storyline" by Donald Miller with some friends. 

I'm also linking this post with some other friends: Jen Ferguson and her Soli Deo Gloria party; Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory; Beth Stiff's Three Word Wednesday; and Lyli Dunbar's Thought-Provoking Thursday. All these communities encourage real love. 
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{Storyline} An Invitation for You

I believe in stories. Most of what I write here is me processing life as I seek God as the author of all our stories. So, really, it should be no surprise author Donald Miller's approach to living life as if you're telling a story works for me.

"It’s interesting that in the Bible, in the book of Ecclesiastes, the only practical advice given about living a meaningful life is to find a job you like, enjoy your marriage, and obey God. It’s as though God is saying, 'Write a good story, take somebody with you, and let me help.'"

{Donald Miller in "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years"}

Donald Miller further developed this idea of living out our stories in his workbook called "Storyline: Finding Your Subplot in God's Story." It's a book I've had sitting on my desk, awaiting time and attention. I really wanted a group to go through the book with me so we could discuss our stories along the way.

Last week, God gave me an idea. I found myself asking myself, "What if you lead an online study of Storyline?" As I read the introduction to "Storyline," I found myself thinking of specific dreamer and writer friends. I emailed some of them. This study in this season isn't going to work for everyone. I know that.

But God nudged my heart. And now I putting it out there.

"As a writer, I see the Bible as a story. It's a story about unrequited love. It's a story about a God who loves a world that, for the most part, ignores Him. It's a sad story, but it has a great ending. In the end, God gets the girl back.

In a way, that story has already been written. It mean it hasn't happened yet, but for a God who lives outside time, it's as good as done. And yet, the role you and I get to play in that story is still unfolding. And not only this, but we actually get to decide our little part.

All epic stories have subplots, and each of our lives is a subplot. What we want to accomplish at Storyline is simple: We want to help people live a great subplot in God's story."

{From the introduction to "Storyline" by Donald Miller}

This is your invitation to join us. 

Us is a group of women who believe our stories matter as chapters in God's story. {Specifically, I know my friend Holly is in!} You can be a writer, but you don't have to be a writer. You can have a grasp on some of the details in your story, or you could have no idea what this chapter is about. {And, sorry to you few men who read this blog, this is going to be a women's only group.}

Here's how the online study will work:

SIGN UP :: You'll sign up so I can know who wants to join us. Fill out this Google document. And then order the book. It's available on Amazon and Storyline's website.

FACEBOOK GROUP :: Once I get your sign up information, I'll add you to a private Facebook group. This will be where the bulk of the discussion happens. 

MONDAYS :: Each Monday I'll post a prompt/discussion topic/question that relates to whatever that week's chapter/story module is about. I've broken the book down into 10 chunks so our discussions will begin Feb. 3 and continue through April 7. 

TUESDAYS :: I'm going to blog my way through the book each Tuesday morning. Each post will be somewhat related to whatever that week's topic is. I'll invite others {those going through the study and anyone out there in blogger land} to link up posts that are related to each week's prompt. That means if you're a blogger, I'd love for you to blog your way through the study with me. If you're not, you're welcome to jump in further discussion in the comments or back in our Facebook group.

So, who's in? Please let me know if you have questions. I've lead Bible studies in person before, but this is the first time I've ever done anything like this. There may be some kinks, but we'll work them out. Feel free to pass this along to any other women you think may be interested. And don't forget to sign up if you want to join us.
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With this post, I'm joining Jen Ferguson's Soli Deo Gloria Party, an online place that taught me virtual friendships are real. 

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