8 Ways to Find Alone Time as a Mom

Alone time is important, but it’s not always easy to find. And personality matters. If you’re introvert, that alone time will need to come more often. Extroverts may want to go to dinner with friends.

Regardless, a mom is not just a mom. A mom is a wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt too. Those roles are important too. Obviously, being a mom demands much time, but to do that well, we need to take care of ourselves too.

Earlier this month, I spent an entire Saturday at a retreat for adoptive moms. I’m was technically helping with the Hope That Binds retreat, but, seriously, what a gift this time was. And not just the time – the food and gifts and conversations filled up my soul.

“Jesus was intentional about finding time to refuel. He knew there were many demands upon his time and energy and he had to be a good steward of his body, soul, and mind. Nobody had to tell him, 'Jesus, go rest.' Instead he recognized his need to pull away from the crowds and find the refreshment he needed. 

As moms, we need to do the same. People and responsibilities demand much from us and we have to be good stewards of our body, soul, and mind. We can't wait until we're drained dry or until someone comes along and offers to watch our kids (like that happens very often!). Instead we have to learn to be proactive about our self-care so that we can be ready to meet the needs of our family.”

{Jill Savage in “Real Moms ... Real Jesus”}

Here are some ideas to get time alone ...

1. Don’t always work during naptime. The dishes can wait.

2. Hang out with your husband after the kids are in bed. Your marriage needs to be a priority.

3. Plan dinner out with a friend.

4. Dads don’t babysit – they hang out with their kids. My husband often headed up bath time in the evenings so I could sit down … or clean up the kitchen. {Praise God the kids can shower themselves now!}

5. Preschool is good for the momma soul.

6. Let grandparents spend time with your kids without you.

7. Swap childcare with friends. My friends and I had a babysitting coop for a season when our kids were toddlers and preschoolers. Two moms would watch kids for a few hours one day a month while the other moms could go do whatever – work, rest, lunch with grownups, appointments. We planned months in advance so the moms could make plans.

8. Get up earlier than your kids. I never do this, but, hey, I know people who do ... 

Regardless, make sure you make time for yourself – somehow – and don’t feel guilty about doing so.

“Choosing yourself is not wrong. The longer you go without taking time for yourself, the more resentment will fester, exhaustion will set in, and you will have nothing left to give – to anyone. Guilt has no place in the decision to take care of yourself. 

This self-inflicted guilt is holding us hostage. It also drives a wedge between us and intimacy with the Father. We cannot let guilt block us from experiencing the freedom we have in Christ and all the blessings he has for us.”

{Jessica Turner in “The Fringe Hours: Making Time For You”}

As a mom, how do you find time – even small pockets of time – for yourself?
________________
Hey, mommas, consider both "Real Moms, Real Jesus" and "The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You" recommendations. They're both packed with such practical advice. 

I'm linking this post with the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood Gathering, where Jen Ferguson encourages women well. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Buried Secrets :: A Review

When a favorite fiction author has a new book, I just dive in. With “Buried Secrets,” Irene Hannon dives right into the story. And I like it that way.

The first in a new series, I enjoyed getting to know new characters. Lisa Grant is a former Chicago homicide detective now working as a small-town police chief. Her call for assistance brings in Mac McGregor, an ex-Navy SEAL who works for another local department. They work together to solve the mystery – one that begins with the discovery of some human remains and continues with a suspect who wants that secret to remain buried.

Personally, I love St. Louis and like a favorite city of mine as the setting of this novel. Plus, the story briefly goes to Paducah, Kentucky – which is just about 45 minutes from my home in Murray. I like the local references, even if it’s implied the character settled for less by living in small-town Kentucky because of how the buried secret affected him.

McGregor’s brothers – also special forces operatives – make appearances when they’re stateside and I’m looking forward to getting to know them in Hannon’s future installments of the Men of Valor series.

“Buried Secrets” is a quick read because Hannon’s story is engaging and leaves readers wanting to know the outcome – for both the case and personal lives of the detectives. And now it has me eager for the second book of the series. Well done, Irene Hannon.
________________
ABOUT THE BOOK :: The first in the Men of Valor series, “Buried Secrets” is published by Revell and officially releases next week. 384 pages.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR :: Irene Hannon is the bestselling author of more than 45 novels, including “That Certain Summer,” “One Perfect Spring,” and the Heroes of Quantico, Guardians of Justice, and Private Justice series. Hannon and her books have been honored with numerous awards. She lives in Missouri. Learn more about her at www.irenehannon.com.
________________
Thanks to Revell Reads for an advanced copy of this book to review. The opinions here are my own.

I'm linking up with Jessica Turner's Fringe Friday because reading is how I like to spend my fringe hours, which are pockets of time carved out for self-care. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

The Blessing of the Bus

Unlike my own childhood that involved riding a bus to public school, my kids attend a small, classical, Christian school. Since August 2012, I’ve been shuttling kids – and the ones in our various carpools – to and from school. It’s 12 miles from my house to school plus a few extra miles for carpool duties, so round trip ends up taking me about 45 minutes.

Last year and this year, the carpool has also involved preschool pickups on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. So that’s a morning drop off, mid-day pickup, and afternoon pickup. I’m grateful I’ve been able to share all the back-and-forth with my sister-in-law, Angela, whose kids also attend New Covenant Christian Academy.

I consider transporting my kids to a school that is ideal for our family to be part of my momma responsibilities. I haven’t complained about the commute – and all the round trips – because I want Ben and Cate to be educated in a way that incorporates God into all the subjects as the foundation of all truth and knowledge.

Even so, when I heard the rumblings of a bus service getting started, I rejoiced. Another sweet surprise was hearing the bus service would officially start at the beginning of March.

I’ve talked {here} my in-laws being in vehicle businesses. Well, specifically, my mother-in-law is in the bus business. She contracts with the federal government to transport children on multiple military bases to their schools. And my brother-in-law, Charles, who is married to Angela, happens to work for her.

They wanted this bus service to be a labor of love to our small school community. I knew the bus service would be a good thing, but I had no idea how much it would bless me.

One recent morning, I realized I had started laundry, swept the kitchen floor, and unloaded and loaded the dishwasher before 8 a.m. In other words, I had finished most the chores I intended to accomplish that day before I would have been back from dropping off the kids at school.

The bus service gives me 45 more minutes in the morning and almost that in the afternoons. Now with the carpool that existed before the bus service, I didn’t do every afternoon pick up, but I did drive four of the five weekday mornings.

And, of course, my kids love riding the bus with some of their school friends.

An entrepreneur to the core, Greg has often told me, “Your time is worth something.” And by “your” he sometimes means his and sometimes he’s referring to mine. Either way – the philosophy of time being valuable is true.

And value doesn’t always mean money.

Sometimes value comes as the opportunity to have more time. {Tweet that.}

That’s been the blessing of the bus.

And the cherry on the top? Some mornings, Greg takes our kids – or kid, if it’s Tuesday or Thursday, when preschool isn’t in session – to the bus. That means some days recently I haven’t had to leave my house at a certain time. What a blessing!

How have you been blessed by someone else lately? Have you found extra time in your days?
________________
I'm linking this post with Jessica Turner's Fringe Friday because the blessing of the bus has created more fringe hours in my day. Some times that means more time to work around the house, but other days that means meeting a friend for breakfast or doing something else to care for my soul. {Read more about #FringeHours here or get "The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You."}

I'm also linking with (in)courage's #FringeHours post. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

Three Word Wednesday :: Celebrating In Community

I talk about plans and community around here quite a bit, so I thought today I’d let you share in one of our latest celebrations.

Our girls were babies when we became friends. We can’t remember exactly, but Cate wasn’t walking, so she wasn’t much more than a year, if that. Surely we aren’t the only parents who keep time by their kids’ milestones. 

Since then the Gachokas have been part of one of small groups from church that has since dissolved for reasons that had nothing to do with friendship, sat around the table with us for Thanksgiving dinner and many other meals, and more recently piled into our minivan for road trips to Racer games. Daniel and Greg have gone hunting together and coach our girls’ soccer team together.

When Daniel told us he was studying to take the U.S. citizenship test, I knew this would be an occasion worth celebrating. I mentioned a party and Daniel quipped, “Like the adoption party you had for your kids.”

Hence, the America Adopts Daniel Party!

I’m not sure I can express how much fun I had planning this one. Starting with the invitations …

… and continuing with the menu, playlist, and game.

Not everyone who had planned to come was actually able to, so we had lots of leftovers. We ate burgers, pasta salad, and homemade mac and cheese the next day. We had hot dogs for another meal.

But the leftovers were more than food. The leftover laughter and friendship also filled my camera roll and will be part of our stories.

The dishes piled high and the crumbs covered many floors and counters, but I didn’t mind because the night was fun. This party was a plan that I’m glad happened. This party celebrated one guy’s milestone, but it encompassed a shared history and friendships that are built over time. And that's the beauty of community.
________________

An InLinkz Link-up

I'm linking this up with Jessica Turner's Fringe Friday because planning parties is one thing I love to do with my time. Celebrating in community helps care for my soul. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

How snow days free us

I remember the faintly sounding phone ringing. It interrupted my sleep enough I knew what it meant – I could go back to sleep. Long before the days of texts and automated calls, the phone tree went to work spreading the good news our school district was closing for a snow day.

My dad was a principal of one elementary school and my mom was a teacher at another. There was one year my brother, my sister, and I were all at the same elementary school where my dad was principal. I was in fifth grade, Kevin in second grade, and Cassie in kindergarten.

We rejoiced on snow days.

In a family whose life revolved around the school calendar, these unexpected days off were treasures. I figured when I grew up, I’d care less about snow days, being a girl who loves summer and all.

Not true. I still really like them.

Sure, having snow day often means moving the last day of school back another day. But there’s something freeing about a day you didn’t expect to have totally at home. {Tweet that.}

I couldn’t do it forever, but I can hunker down with books and my scrapbook table. The kids make tents and build with LEGOs. Cate makes crafts and reads so many pages from so many books. Ben pesters his sister to play with him and asks about time like he understands what minutes and hours really are.

And when the school principal send the text mid-afternoon to inform everyone that tomorrow is another snow day? That’s the best. I don’t even have to set an alarm for the next morning. Yesterday was a scheduled day off for Presidents’ Day – ironically, it was a built-in snow-day make-up day, but we didn’t have any days to make up. Until yesterday.

The kids went sledding with our nearby friends. We ate two batches of snow cream and leftover soup. There is a pile of clothing by the front door and my husband’s hanging coveralls keep spooking me because I think there’s a person standing in our foyer.

The kids watched episodes of “My Little Pony” and “Wild Kratts” while Greg and I watched “Blacklist” and “Scandal” on the DVR. There were rounds of Phase 10 with Cate after Ben went to bed. And then there episodes of “Blue Bloods.”

Evidence of our day at home is all over – crumbs under the table, layers of clothing scattered in multiple places, dirty dishes that didn’t fit in the dishwasher, books and toys in every room. Real life isn’t always tidy, but it’s full of joy. {Tweet that.}

Today is Snow Day #2. There’s probably at least six inches covering our yard, maybe more. And there is another inch forecasted for tonight with lingering cold temperatures. This is Kentucky, so who knows when we’ll go back to school and our normal routine.

But maybe when we do go back, we’ll be a little more relaxed, less stressed, and ready to soak up the joy around us. Snow days are opportunities to breathe deeply and regroup. God gives us a chance to remember that he makes all things new and washes us clean because spring is coming. {Tweet that}

What’s the weather like where you are?
________________
I'm linking this with Mary Carver's Works for Me Wednesday. Despite loving summer, snow days do work for me. They're good for my soul. The interruption in routine is freeing for my Type A self and teaches me to let go and be present. 
________________
EDITED on Friday, Feb. 20  :: We're on Snow Day #5 now. And there are more flakes falling. I recently shared about #FringeHours ... and what a week to epitomize that. This week has been full of time at home with my favorites, opportunities to sit at my scrapbook table, and chances to cuddle up on the couch and read fiction. Next week may be a rude awakening when "real life" sets back in, but, for now, I'm enjoying the extra time to care for myself and my family in simple ways. 

I'm linking up with Jessica Turner, author of "The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You," who hosts a weekly link up focusing on how women like to spend pockets of time dedicated to self-care. 
________________
Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox." Amazon affiliate links included.

{The Fringe Hours} Work doesn't always have to come before play

I can’t remember the last time I was bored. Life’s responsibilities keep me busy enough, but there are also people I want to spend time with and plenty of hobbies to occupy my time.

I almost didn’t sign up for “The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You” launch team because I knew I didn’t struggle to find things I like to do. Turns out Jessica Turner’s new book isn’t just about how women should have hobbies.

“The Fringe Hours” is about making the most of the time you do have for the well-being of your soul. {Tweet that.} Jessica Turner calls the pockets of time – while we wait for an appointment, after the kids are in bed, the moments in the school pick up line – “fringe hours.” They look different for each person, but we all have them.

Give me a book to read, photos to scrapbook, or an idea to blog and I’m happy camper. I have monthly massages scheduled. I have lunch with friends, although there are a couple I’d prefer see more. I walk regularly – either on the treadmill with the “Gilmore Girls” or laps at the arena or park with my best friend. I like board games and am teaching my kids to do the same.

But as I read “The Fringe Hours,” I realized I defend my schedule to myself and sometimes others. I apologize to my husband for how I spent my time. (He has never made me feel guilty for reading a book instead of washing dishes.) I cling tightly to my work-before-play mentality.

Y’all, there is always a chore to complete, a closet to organize, or some errands to run. (Although I run less errands these days, thanks to ePantry and Amazon Prime Pantry. The decision to order household products and some groceries online has created more fringe hours for myself at home.)

But it’s okay to not do all the work today. It’s okay to play without having to defend – even to myself – why it’s good for me.

Realizing this comes as God is teaching me about joy. I’m choosing joy in the small moments that make up life.

“The Fringe Hours” reminded me how caring for my soul matters. This life isn’t perfect and never will be. But I can find joy in everyday moments when I slow down and notice what God is doing around me – even when I play. {Tweet that.}

How do you like to spend your fringe hours?
________________
This book officially releases Feb. 17, but you can preorder it from Amazon or DaySpring. At DaySpring, you can get free shipping if you order two copies ($10.99 each right now) using BLOOMBOOK at the check out.And the first 500 people get autographed copies. There are other cute #FringeHours inspired products too.  Jessica Turner and her friend and fellow author Angie Smith are going to study “The Fringe Hours” for their last book study at (in)courage.

You can also learn more about the book at its official website, where you can read the first chapter.
________________
I received a free, advance copy of “The Fringe Hours” for being part of the book’s launch team, but these opinions are my own and I’ve already ordered two additional copies to gift to friends. This post includes affiliate links.

I'm linking up this post with Jessica Turner's first Fringe Friday, where women are sharing how they spend their fringe hours, and the Soli Deo Gloria Sisterhood Gathering, where I've been learning about the power of resting and slowing down. 

Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."

{Three Word Wednesday} Choosing joy – again

I claimed this one three-lettered word for the new year. I knew God was giving to me because it’s what he’s been speaking into my life – for years, really. I believe change is possible, even when it seems so far away. I want some things deep in my soul to be different – like a better version of what is happening right now.

But I had no idea how JOY would be laid in front of me. Like God was reminding it’s really right here. I walk pass it and ignore its sounds far too often. But I don’t want to keep doing that this year. 

I want to choose joy – over and over. It’s not like I can choose it once and be done. I chose it before the year started. I got side tracked with kids’ sickness and life. And I chose it again. More life and expectations. So I choose it again. Today. And I’ll choose it again tomorrow too.

My husband likes to sing songs as soon as he steps out of bed. He is more relaxed and naturally joy-filled than I am. Our son is much like him. They aggravate me sometimes, but they also point me to joy. It’s hard to miss joy when you’re around them.

Joy is showing up in the songs I’m listening to and the books I’m reading. I recently finished “The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You” by Jessica Turner and on page 50 her words seemed to bridge my struggles and my goals in one paragraph.

“Life is not perfect. You are not perfect. But you are a glorious creation, and your life is meant to be lived with joy. Some days you aren't going to get your makeup on, you will burn the bookies for the school bake sale, and you will spill wine on the rug. In our mess, God makes us strong. In your glorious imperfection, you can still shine beautifully bright. Embrace that truth. Stop trying to be everything for everyone and start investing in who and what really matters.”

{Jessica Turner in “The Fringe Hours”}

I believe the joy I’m choosing really matters. It’s a process so beyond myself that I know it’s going to stretch me and grow me in ways only God can orchestrate.

I also started reading “In this House We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love, and Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life,” thanks to Kayse Pratt’s encouragement. Greg and I are going to read this one together. And, of course, the first chapter is on joy. In it, author Courtney DeFeo quotes Kay Warren: “Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right, and the determined choice to praise God in all things.”

Um, what an amazing definition.

And I certainly don’t have joy figured out if that’s my standard, but it’s a good place to start.

So I’m keeping a list of moments that bring me joy. Some of them are little everyday conversations that come with being a mom. Others are surprises throughout the day that I want to recognize and remember. I’m keeping a note going on my iPhone and posting pictures on Instagram with #choosingJOY. {I’d love for you to follow along and even post your own moments of #choosingJOY.} Counting joys one by one because I know as I look back I will be remembered that God is indeed in control and that everything will be okay. 

And I want my kids to learn that too.

“I don’t want my children to obey only because they fear consequences or worry that Mom will lose it. I want to know their hearts understand and grasp the joy to be found in doing the right thing. This requires parenting through the daily grind with a long-term mentality.”

{Courtney DeFeo in “In This House We Will Giggle”}

So we played hide-n-seek this week before Daddy came home from work. Honestly, he’s better at starting such games. We turned up some music while we disinfected the house once Ben was recovered from the flu. We read and played when there were still chores to be done.

I still don’t want to sing songs when I first wake up or at the dinner table, but I do sense some freedom and joy that hasn’t always been present in our house. I believe this is the beginning of something more.

__________

In my post last week, I mentioned the playlist I’m making. Like me, it’s a work in progress, but this is what I have now. Some songs are about joy, others bring me joy, and some capture the message my heart needs to experience joy.

“Laugh Out Loud” by Jason Gray :: “… I was alive but I wasn’t living, a prisoner of my fear and shame. But when you find you’ve been forgiven laughter will rise like a holy kind of praise. So I throw my head back and offer up my thanks! Ha ha, don’t it make you wanna laugh out loud? Oooh oooh, and shout, “Hallelujah!” Oh yeah, if you got joy go and let it on out …”

“Joy” by Rend Collective :: “We're choosing celebration, breaking into freedom. … You're the song of our hearts. … You're the joy joy joy lighting my soul, the joy joy joy making me whole though I'm broken, I am running into Your arms of love. The pain will not define us; joy will reignite us …”

“Joy to the World” by Shaun Groves :: This is beautiful combination of “Joy to the World” and “All Creatures.”

“Only Hope I’ve Got” by Ellie Holcomb :: “I don't wanna tell some arrogant story or let myself believe I'm You. I don't wanna be a thief who's stealing your glory. Will you help remind me of what is true? The only hope I've got; it's you …”

“More Heart, Less Attack” by NEEDTOBREATHE :: “Be the light in the crack. Be the one that’s been there on a camel’s back. Slow to anger quick to laugh. Be more heart and less attack …”

“Joy to the World (You Are My Joy)” by Rend Collective :: Another fun version of the traditional song.

“Greater” by MercyMe :: “Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed when others say I’ll never be enough. And greater is the One living inside of me than he who is living in the world … Bring your doubts. Bring your fears. Bring your hurt. Bring your tears. There’ll be no condemnation here. You are holy, righteous and redeemed.”

“Your Love Never Fails” by Newsboys :: “You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid because I know that You love me. Your love never fails …”

“Open Up the Heavens” by Meredith Andrews :: “Open up the heavens. We want to see you. Open up the floodgates, a mighty river, flowing from your heart, filling every part of our praise. … You're the reason we're here; you're the reason we're singing.”

“Outsiders” by NEEDTOBREATHE :: “Cause if you're not laughing who is laughing now? I've been wondering if we start sinking could we stand our ground? And through everything we've learned we've finally come to terms we are the outsiders. … On the outside, you're free to roam. On the outside, we've found a home. On the outside, there's more to see. On the outside, we choose to be.”

“I Am” by Crowder :: “There’s no space that His love can’t reach. There’s no place that we can’t find peace. There’s no end to amazing grace. Take me in with your arms spread wide. Take me in like an orphan child. Never let go, never leave my side. … Love like this, Oh my God to find! I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!”

“Promise of Summer” by Jackopierce :: “The winter fields begin to recover and finally it's the promise of summer. Lights are shining round and the guards are coming down …”

“Eyes Wide Open” by Jars of Clay & Third Day :: “Keep our eyes wide open. (Love is kind and love is daring everything we need to keep our eyes.) Draw us in, send us out. Draw us in, send us out. Draw us in, pull us out. Help us to believe.”

“Joy to the World” by Bebo Norman :: Another great version!

“Mighty to Save” by Mac Powell :: Just wait for the African children to join him!

“Hey Mama” by Mat Kearney :: “Singing hey mama, don't want no drama, just a kiss before I leave …”

“Multiplied” by NEEDTOBREATHE :: “God of mercy sweet love of mine, I have surrendered to Your design. May this offering stretch across the skies and these halleluiahs be multiplied …”

___________
Where do you find joy? {Leave a comment sharing and two people will win a copy of my playlist! I'll randomly choose the winners next Wednesday.}

An InLinkz Link-up

___________
I'm also linking up with Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart and Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory. Be sure to read Jennifer's post on fighting back with joy. It's beautiful and true. 

Want more stories? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."