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| Photo from Nov. 23, 2009. |
She told me my husband and I are generous. Yet she is the one carrying the life of our daughter.
We’d been to two ultrasound appointments and the attorney’s office together. I’d taken her to another unrelated appointment and the pharmacy. And this day we were returning from her meeting with the social worker.
With my 5-year-old boy and her 1-year-old boy strapped in their seats behind us, Stacy and I sat in my mini van outside her apartment and talked about this adoption. She was 26 weeks pregnant and relieved to have a plan. We talked about postpartum counseling and resources to help her mother well the two children she already has.
Since May 5, I’ve been getting to know this woman who will make a me momma for third time. She’s carrying the baby girl we’re going to name Rachel Elizabeth, the third-born child who will make my son a sandwich between two sisters. (Ironically, his initials are BLT.)
“You all are so generous to me,” she said. I keep thinking about her words.
I’m not new to adoption, but Stacy’s simple comment shed new light on my relationship with her as a birth mom. I’ve been blessed to have relationships with two other birth moms, but all of their stories have been different. They were each in different places in life and our connections were unique.
That’s the beauty of adoption. It’s relational in the truest sense. {Tweet that.}
So, sure, we’re helping her. We’re adopting this child for whom she doesn’t believe she can care given her circumstances. We’ve got medical and legal expenses covered and we’ve put some minutes on her cell phone. I’ve picked her up for appointments.
But in terms of money, that’s not really very much. I know Stacy wasn’t measuring our generosity in dollars and cents.
Still, I’ve been realizing lately in a new way that adoption works because of how it blesses everyone involved. Yes, this is emotional for Stacy. Grief comes with making an adoption plan. But she’s also relieved and adoption brings purpose to her situation.
For us, we’ve believed for years we were supposed to be a family of five. And even before that, I thought Ben had a middle-child personality. We’re ready to expand our family.
Relationships with birth moms are different than any other relationships I’ve experienced. In 2007, 2009, and now 2015, I’ve bonded quickly with these women I wouldn’t otherwise know. That’s what happens when everyone is invested in the same growing life and gathers in exam rooms. We’ve gotten to know each other on a level that makes us proud to tell our children about their beginnings and given these women peace about their plans for adoption.
Then after the birth, the relationship changes – at least that’s been our experiences. Our adoptions are open in the sense that the birth moms know our names and have our contact information. We send updates about the kids. Cate has even gotten a chance to meet her birth mom a couple of times. But after the baby is born and final papers signed, we all settle back into our lives. The conversations between us are fewer and we aren’t making plans to show up at appointments together.
I’m the kind of girl who wants every relationship I’ve ever had to remain. I want to be friends forever with everyone. As I’m growing up, I realize that isn’t how every relationship should be. Adoption magnifies that with its unique relationships, but it also opens the door to a ministry of being able to help someone in a way not otherwise possible.
Obviously, all adoptions are different. Another family’s story may not look like ours. But in our experiences, I’m especially grateful for these women and the relationships in which we experience generosity together.
#ThreeWordWednesday note :: I'm going to be in Guatemala next week on a mission trip to serve with Bethel Ministries, so I'm going to have a guest hosting the linkup here. I won't be here to visit all the posts, so be sure to encourage each other. And, yes, I'm sure I'll be bringing home stories to share with y'all in the coming weeks.
Want more insights? "Peace in the Process: How Adoption Built My Faith & My Family" is available on Amazon. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, peek into my life on Instagram, follow 152 Insights at Bloglovin', or subscribe to receive "Insights in Your Inbox."
