A Murray State fan in front of me kept yelling, “Quit doing that.” He was obviously frustrated by what the players were – or weren’t – doing on the court. But the players couldn’t hear him. Even they could, he didn’t specify who was doing what that he wanted to stop.
As soon as I finished thinking about how pointless his yelling was, I realized I had done the same thing this morning with 5-year-old Ben. “Stop that.” “Quit that.” “Didn’t you hear me say stop?” “Why won’t you stop?” I emphasized my desire without specifying the actual request.
Too often I yell generalities and get frustrated when specific behaviors don’t change. But even if the behavior did change, that’s not ultimately what I want. I actually want my boy to learn and grow and mature. I want better decision-making ability to accompany a heart change.
That’s probably really what the fan wanted too. Some of the blue and gold faithful had gathered in Nashville – just two hours from home – to watch the Challenge in Music City. We’d all watched Murray State lose a close game Friday night and then get blown out in a second game Saturday night. As fans, we craved hope, and possibly better shooting. We wanted to see a change in the form of a win in Sunday afternoon’s game.
Yelling “Quit doing that!” isn’t going to help or inspire change. I found myself wondering how it would be different if I clapped my hands and encouraged with cheers instead of yelling general demands.
I get too caught up in justice and forget about grace, especially in parenting. That mindset poisons my words and heart and overflows on those closest to me.
As a basketball fan, genuine cheering means showing up even at the beginning of the season when the team is still finding its way. As a parent, encouraging means showing some grace and picking your battles. It’s a lesson I struggle with but one I know God will be faithful to teach. He will do more than yell at me to quit that because he’s compassionate, slow to anger, gracious, and rich in love {Psalm 145:8}.
I'm also linking up this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee's #TellHisStory and Holley Gerth's Coffee for Your Heart.
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