{God-sized Dreams} Right here, right now

I believe God wants us to make a different where we are. I've been guilty of thinking I'll make a difference ... when I get to be a mom, when my kids are older, when our life slows down. But God finally convinced me of the important living out my faith right now, right here.

Now, whatever season of life you're in my determine how and where and when you can serve. I finally got to be a momma and my kids are still fairly little, so some things would compromise the priorities Greg and I believe God wants for our family. But even then, while serving my family, while waiting for one season to end and another to begin, I can serve my neighbor and my God.

"... While I'm waiting I will serve You, while I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint, I'll be running the race even while I wait
I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord, and I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait; Yes, I will wait
And I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience ..."

{From "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller}

This week's God-sized Dream challenge from Holley: Share about your favorite nonprofit organization. They are all God-sized dream in action.

In last week's God-sized Dream post, I shared about one of my family's favorite nonprofit organizations. Compassion International makes sense to us because raising kids is where my husband and I are. My kids relate to the kids we sponsor. As I've learned about Compassion International, I've been impressed with how its staff executes its mission.

For this week, I thought I'd share about a more local project I've recently learned about and with which I've just gotten involved. The Needline Food Project is a way to incorporate regular giving into families' routines in order to help other families in our community.

The idea is each week when we shop, we'll pick up an extra non-perishable food or hygiene item and store it in a usable shopping bag designated for the project. The on the second Saturday of every other month, a neighborhood coordinator {in my case, that's me ...} will collect all the bags from the families on that coordinator's neighborhood list.

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

{Matthew 22:36-40}

I heard about this food project idea just before I heard Jen Hatmaker speak about missional-minded living and loving your neighbor. I was already thinking about ways to get to know the families who live near us. We live across the street from one of the two local parks, so there are often kids walking down our street. Sadly, we've done a poor job getting to know our neighbors and I'm ready to change that.

We have a neighborhood party on the calendar and I'll be handing out flyers for that this week. This food project goes right along with what's on my heart now: I want to know my neighbors. I want to teach my kids to help others. And I want to make a difference here in this community that is my home.
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Tuesdays are God-sized Dream days around here and I'm linking this post along with many, many other dreamers on Holley Gerth's blog. 

I'm also linking up with Jen at her Soli Deo Gloria party.




And on Wednesday, I decided to link up with Jennifer Dukes Lee, who is a master storyteller and asks others to #TellHisStory. 

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Celebrating motherhood

Just one week old, Cate had already changed my life and made me a momma. May 13, 2007.

I became a mother a week before my first Mother's Day. Our new family of three spent the first eight nights of our newborn daughter's life away from home -- one in a hospital room and the next seven in a Comfort Suites room -- while we waited for the green light from folks in Indianapolis, Indiana, and Frankfort, Kentucky, who were signing and mailing and filing interstate adoption paperwork.

There were years of yearning and months of waiting of this specific baby girl, yet in an instant I become a mom. She was not quite 24 hours old when the nurse made sure the car seat was secure in the back of our blue Oldsmobile Alero and then waved goodbye. We left the hospital and headed to that Comfort Suites that was closer to the state line. Just across the river were family and friends who were excited to meet this much-prayed-for and much-hoped-for baby girl. 

But becoming parents doesn't meant you don't want to eat, so we stopped along the way at Arby's. Yes, we had a day-old baby and stopped for curly fries. I even had to change a tiny newborn diaper in the public bathroom. Nothing like diving into real life, huh?

Except we didn't dive all the way in right away. 

For a week, we slept in a hotel, where my only mothering responsibilities included mixing and measuring formula, feeding a precious baby, changing diapers, occasionally answering a phone call from someone wanting to ask one more question regarding our adoption paperwork, washing bottles in a tiny sink, telling my mom and friends what we wanted to eat, and making plans of whether they were coming to our hotel room or we were meeting at a restaurant.

That's so not real life, where laundry piles up, dinner needs to be cooked, the crumbs need to be swept, phone calls need to be returned, appointments need to be scheduled, groceries need to be bought, and homework needs supervised.

But it's here in real life that I'm really a momma. Yes, that baby girl came into my life, rocked my priorities and perception of how I thought things would be, and made me a momma. That's quite a feat for a baby girl who didn't talk or walk and barely weighed 8 pounds, but I haven't been the same since 8:54 p.m. May 6, 2007.

That baby girl turned 6 six days ago and has a 3 1/2-year-old brother who adores her. We have stayed in more hotels, visited with more friends, eaten at other restaurants, filled out more adoption paperwork, and made so many other plans since her birth.

Motherhood is about living and doing and loving and teaching and caring and adjusting, all while these little people who grow up into bigger people watching your every move. I think they aren't listening, but they learn as I do so much more quickly than as I say, which is both good and bad. Moms pour their lives into other lives, creating a legacy that may begin in a hospital room, move to a hotel room, and overflow into real life.
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{Weekend Words} The Mother's Day Edition

To Young Mothers of Toddlers and Babies :: "I am overwhelmed that the living God would take all those years of my not really knowing what to do, and all those years of my feeling like I was dying and wasting, and all that hurt, and turn them into a young man so bright and so beautiful." There is so much hope in this real post from Rebecca Reynolds at Story Warren.

Motherhood as a Mission Field :: This post was one a stranger I follow on Twitter shared. I emailed it to myself and was so glad when I finally sat down to read it. "Given in faith, that plate of PB&J’s will feed thousands. Given in faith, those presents on Christmas morning will bring delight to more children than you can count. Offered with thankfulness, your work at home is only the beginning. Your laundry pile, selflessly tackled daily, will be used in the hands of God to clothe many. Do not think that your work does not matter. In God’s hands, it will be broken, and broken, and broken again, until all who have need of it have eaten and are satisfied. And even then, there will be leftovers."




Mighty :: This video is based on a blog post by Lisa-Jo Baker. Both are worth your time. "Celebrating the small is directly related to recognizing the massive, Kingdom impact. Kids are forever. They are eternity with skin on. And we mold them like so much play-doh until one day they walk out the door and take every small moment of a family’s routine with them."

Happy Mother's Day weekend, friends. Have you read anything that needs to be shared?
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{Guest Post} All the moments that make a mother

Mommas need support. I'm blessed with friends right here in my small town who live this life with me, friends who have known me long before I became a momma, and more recently some women who encourage me from a distance, thanks to technology that expands our world. One of those women, Gindi, shared her journey to motherhood two weeks ago. Up next is another dreamer friend who shares my name and the spelling of it! 

Welcome Kristin Smith here today! While she's sharing her story here, I'm sharing part of my story over at her place, The Riches of His Love. Join us as we kick off this Mother's Day weekend.

The journey to and through motherhood is hard. Can I get an amen?

When I was expecting my first child I was young, and naive and my idea of what being a mother would be like was all happy, smiley babies and perfectly posed Christmas pictures. I was certain that because of my many years of successful babysitting jobs when I was younger that I would be the perfect mom.

You can probably guess where this is going, right?

Our first born (who doctors estimated was more than 7.5 pounds) came barreling into the world at a whopping 8 pounds 15 ounces after 24-plus hours of the worst back labor I have ever experienced. But he was here and he was perfect. For a few days we lived in a bubble of nurses helping and family holding the baby ... and then we went home to try and do this parenting thing on our own.

And he had colic – for months! Man, those days and nights were tough! My image of a happy, smiley baby were squashed and as I held him and cried more often than not, I was sure that I had failed as a mother.

Our second son is seven years younger than our first. The distance between them wasn’t our "choice." We struggled through several years of infertility and disappointments. Each month that we tried and we got another negative pregnancy test, a small piece of my heart died.

I couldn’t see God’s plan during this time and was certain that He was punishing us. It was reinforcement of the lie that I wasn’t a good mother ... because good mothers don’t have trouble getting pregnant, right?

Oh course I know today that God works all things for good. I know today that God wasn’t withholding a “blessing” from me. He wasn’t punishing me. But I had associated blessings from God as a reward for good behavior.

Have you ever been there? Clouded by hurt and disappointment, resentment and fear? It is hard to see the Truth through the lies the enemy bombards us with when our souls are weary.

There are six years between our second and third sons. Once again we faced infertility. And during that time of trying, we also had a miscarriage. The type of loss I felt would "never happen to me." Life became so much more fragile and my heart softened toward women who had walked the same path.

The entire experience of loss and then my subsequent pregnancy was a time that really brought me closer to God. I was able to see how He was making something beautiful out of my hurts. It wasn’t an easy journey but it has molded my faith walk in such a way that I wouldn’t change things today.

Our fourth child – and first girl – was a complete and beautiful surprise. One week after I stopped nursing our then 10-month-old son, I was pregnant. I had always hoped to have a girl and name her after my best friend. The timing of this pregnancy was such that this special friend was able to experience most of my pregnancy with her namesake. She (unfortunately for me) went to be with Jesus just six short weeks before the birth of our girl. But I was so very grateful that she lived long enough to see her ultrasound pics and feel her kicking my stomach. That time brought us both so much joy and I know she is with us today in spirit.

When I dreamed of being a mom, the dream didn’t include all of the difficult times. It didn’t include the hurts and disappointments, the health scares and hospital stays. It didn’t include countless sleepless nights and 3-year-old tantrums.

But each and every moment is a memory that I wouldn’t change today. My husband and I often say that the best part of us is our kids. They are strong and caring, smart and resourceful, loving and kind, energetic and imaginative. Each moment of their lives has made every day of mine better. And I am so, so grateful.

I know there are days where it would be easier to throw in the proverbial towel. I know there are women out there reading this that want nothing more than to have a child but for various reasons can’t. And women that have taken up the incredible commitment of foster parenting and adoption. Each of you is special, and we are all on a journey ... don’t miss these moments. Try not to be overwhelmed by unreasonable expectations. (Especially the ones you set for yourself!) Trust God with all things and know that you are loved. Even if there isn’t a baby in your arms tonight – your mama heart shines and it is beautiful. Happy Mother’s Day!
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Kristin blogs at The Riches of His Love and says this about herself: "I am a wife and a mother, but, most importantly, I am a daughter of the King, redeemed by His grace and so very grateful for it. Through the past 16 years we have walked some hard roads, many of them difficult by our own doing. But despite our choices and at times lack of faith – God loved us anyway. We have seen and continue to experience the riches of His love."

'Then what we gonna do?'

Photo by Jenn Hall King Photography in October 2012.

"Momma, what we gonna do?" my 3-year-old boy asks when I pick up from school, before he goes to bed, and when he wakes up. He’s carefree, fearless second-born child and this need-for-a-plan mentality surprises me from him. His 6-year-old sister has been asking for a plan for as long as I can remember. He’s probably learning it from her. But, still, it surprises me he cares. And it surprises me even more he remembers.

So I tell him, "You’re going to take a nap when we get home."

Almost immediately, he asks again. "Then what we gonna do?"

Annoyed by the repetitiveness, I list things in order. ...

As soon as I consider myself annoyed, I realize that’s ridiculous. I do the exact same thing with God. I may be 11 times my boy’s age, but I still lead a busy, messy life. ...

{Join me at (in)courage today to read what comes next!}

(in)courage is one of my favorite blogs, so I'm super excited about posting there. I wrote the post you're reading today in January. The message remains true. And my boy still asks "What we gonna do" countless times a day. Good news is he's decided wearing big boy underwear and using the potty really is better than diapers. Whew. 
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I'm also linking this post with Kristen at Chasing Blue Skies. Today is the Out of the Blue link-up over there and this post seemed to be a fitting springtime surprise. Even though I knew it was coming, to see my words on a well-read blog is still surprising. I wrote these words in the winter, but here they are today in the spring. Plus, I talk about how my boy surprises me with his questions of asking what's next, regardless of the season.

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Books worth gifting

Psst. It's almost Mother's Day. Consider this your reminder.

As a busy momma and writer, I don't really know how I've managed to read books lately, but, goodness, I've devoured some good ones. And there are some deals on them, making them excellent gifts to stock up on or give away right now. If you needed some Mother's Day {or Teacher Appreciation} gifts, these may do the job and would be immediately available if you were buying for someone with a Kindle.

Really, it's hard to go wrong on giving a book you've loved because you're sharing a message you appreciated with someone that matters to you. And aren't some of the best gifts those things the receiver won't go spend money on for themselves.

Mommas always need a reason to sit down and take a break, so with that in mind, I recommend these funny, encouraging words for four different authors. I picked a favorite quote from each, but those words are just tiny snapshots to the bigger stories told.

"Sparkly Green Earrings" by Melaine Shankle :: You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll want to call your friend. AND IT'S FREE RIGHT NOW for your Kindle {UPDATED on 5/9/13 ... it's no longer free, but $8.54 isn't bad!}. But, hey. If you'd rather pay for the old-fashioned bound copy, it's totally worth the $11.07.

"Because raising a child is a fleeting moment in time that sometimes gets swallowed up in the daily routine of car pools and soccer practice and Can I get away with serving tacos for dinner again tonight? And yet it’s quite possibly the most important thing we’ll ever do. It’s the daily balance of treasuring the moments even as we wish some of them away. It’s treading water in a sea of imperfections. It’s a delicate dance of guilt and joy."

"Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist :: I know, I know. She's since written another book. And there was her first book. But this is the one I had, and it's the one I can speak to. Her others are now on my list. Yes, I liked this one that much. {It's $10.67 for the Kindle version and $12.79 for a hardback copy.}

"The big story really is actually being told through our little stories, and by sharing our lives, not just our sermons, we’re telling God’s story in as reverent and divine ways as it has ever been told. God’s story was told in Hebrew and Greek, and I believe that it’s also being told in whispers and paintings and blogs and around dinner tables all over the world. ... My life is not a story about me. And your life’s not a story about you. My life is a story about who God is and what he does in a human heart. My story is about the people on my street, the things I read, the way we raise our child, the things I’ve done and the things that have been done to me. A story is never about one person. It has a full cast of characters, connected by blood or love or jealousy."

"No More Perfect Moms" by Jill Savage :: I'm like a broken record, but, seriously, every mom should read this. AND IT'S JUST $1.99 for your Kindle right now. The paperback {$7.45} is worth it too, if you prefer.

"Control is really a mirage. The only control you and I can really have it self-control, and the Bible says that is a fruit of the Spirit. In other words, we can’t have self-control on our own; it comes from letting God be the real leader of our lives and the manager of our hearts."

"Start" by Jon Acuff :: Talk about motivation. This book will jump start all those ideas you have in your head. {I reviewed it here.} It's a new release, but the hardback is just $12.99 and the Kindle version is $9.99.

"We want to plan the road to awesome. We want to talk about our ten-year visions. We want to detail every step before we take a single one. To make sure there’s no room for mistakes or failure. But when we do that, when we squeeze our lives and purposes that tightly, we eliminate any room for surprises. We don’t have time for them. They don’t fit within our plan. They don’t have any runway in our day to land on. We scowl when people interrupt what we’re doing at work, grumble when neighbors want to talk at the mailbox, and curse momentary distractions to a day we’ve planned. The road to awesome, though, is defined by the surprises. It’s not a block in a downtown city laid out long ago by methodical city planners. It’s a rambling dirt road with twists and turns that offers something new at every corner. Let’s leave room on our maps for some surprises."

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This post contains Amazon affiliate links, which don't change the price but generate a little financial support for my blog. And the deals I've mentioned were current when I hit publish. I can't promise how long they'll last. I updated the post to enter it in a contest about the best Mother's Day present for less than $25. Really, who can go wrong with books?!

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Dreaming with Compassion

I struggle with stuff. I get overwhelmed at birthdays and Christmas because I worry my kids are going to miss what's important. I talk a lot about sharing and I try to live my life in a way that demonstrates generosity.

We live a blessed life. We go on trips. My kids have plenty of toys and games and craft supplies. We don't have much debt and what we have we're paying down. I worry how as parents we'll combat the greediness in our culture.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I love giving gifts. To my kids. To my husband. To our relatives. To our friends. To strangers. It's one of the ways I show love. But I don't want excessive amounts of gifts to drown out what's important.

Birthdays are about celebrating life. I want to rejoice over the life of my kids, who we adopted as newborns. Their birth moms chose life for them. That is worth celebrating each year and each day, really. There is joy in unwrapping a gift that someone chose just for you. I get that. And I want that for my kids.

But I don't want stuff to drown out compassion for others who don't live the kind of life we have. Kids don't choose the circumstances into which they're born.

I know there are mommas in other places, probably closer than I realize, who spend time thinking about how their kids will have enough. I can't imagine wondering if my son will be educated and medicated in ways that will help preserve their future. To wonder if my child will ever break out of poverty is foreign to me. I know there are mommas who are scared their daughter may not have enough food.

When Ben turned 3 in November, we celebrated the life of Jean in Ecuador. He's one of the Compassion International kids we sponsor and share's my boy's birthday. The kids at my son's party made Jean birthday cards and donated money for us to send to him. We asked for the donations instead of gifts. Of course, some people still brought gifts. But they chose to bless Jean while celebrating Ben.

We recently received a letter from Jean. He thanked us for the money we sent and told us what he bought: two pieces of cloth to make a school uniform, a backpack, a pair of shoes, a ball, and two pairs of sandals for his sister. Y'all. Seriously. My kid got dinosaurs and superheros and Jean bought himself clothes and shoes for his little sister.

This is why I spend time thinking about stuff. I can't imagine Jean's momma wondering how she was going to buy her 11-year-old boy school clothes. But I can imagine how proud she was her boy wanted to share his birthday money with his sister, who needed shoes.

So we did it again when this past weekend at Cate's birthday party. My girl turned 6 and was willing to ask friends to bring donations for Roselyn, our Compassion girl in Guatemala who turned 6 about six months ago. Yes, this meant she got fewer gifts, but, let me tell you, my girl was blessed with some new horse toys, a cute cowgirl outfit, new crafts, and other goodies. She unwrapped joy.

But we also collected $147.54 for Roselyn and her family. The girls at the party colored pictures and made her cards. One sweet friend brought a Zip-loc bag full of change, the money she usually uses to buy stickers to send to her Compassion friend. I get the feeling Roselyn will unwrap joy when the stack of colors and blessings arrives at her house.

That's paying it forward. That's celebrating life. And that's compassion at its finest.
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Tuesdays are God-sized Dream days around here and I'm linking this post along with many, many other dreamers on Holley Gerth's blog. This week's prompt was: Find a way to pay it forward. You’ve been encouraged in your God-sized dreams by your sisters here the last few months. How can you spread that encouragement forward by investing in other dreamers? Every momma is a dreamer when it comes to her child no matter where they live. 

I'm also linking up with Compassion Bloggers, who are joining together to be a voice for mothers. Please let me know if you want to know more about sponsoring a child. You can also help mommas and their babies by making a one-time donations or providing on-going support of Compassion's Child Survival Program. 

And on Wednesday, I decided to link up this post with Jennifer Dukes Lee and other storytellers as part of the weekly #TellHisStory. This is one of the big stories in our lives right now and one that remains on my heart in what has been a busy week.

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And then she was 6 ...

Dear Catherine Anna,

You made me a momma six years ago, just three days after I turned 28. Without trying to speak in stereotypical hyperbole, these have been the best six years of my life. That doesn't mean they've been easy. But the couple years getting to that moment when I finally held you, the girl God chose for our family, were the hardest.

I adore you. Your story is my story because in bringing you home, God brought me closer to him. You were relief to my heart that had cried out to God. You're proof God is faithful and has a plan far better than anything I tried to orchestrate myself.

And you're growing up.

You've lost five teeth and have a sixth not far behind. You color beautiful pictures and tell stories with so many details. You read all your own birthday cards this year. You like horses and sparkly things.

You're a great big sister. Yes, Ben annoys you and disrupts your plans, but you watch out for him and guide him. He's blessed to have you to follow around. Just after you blew out your candle on Saturday while you were surrounded by friends, I caught a glimpse of you and Ben having a sweet conversation.

You're a good friend. You play well with others and think about your friends when you aren't with them. You've embraced school and learned so much, just like we knew you would.

When you sit in my lap, I can't believe how long your legs are and how big you've gotten. Some days it seems like yesterday when I could hold your entire body in the length of my lap. These six years have gone by fast, but they are ours.

In these last six years, you've challenged me and entertained me and showed me what's important and embodied joy. These years are chapters in the story God has for you and me. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Love you always,
Momma
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Look back on other birthday posts: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Want more? Subscribe to get "Insights" in your inbox. Like 152 Insights on Facebook. Or follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

Weekend Words

Infertility is Not a Punishment - Hope for the Hurting :: Amber nailed it. I've been there. Thing is, this truth applies to so many areas in life, not just struggling to have a family. "Do good, friend. Even if it means personal sacrifice on your part. Serve those who God has put in your life, be a light on the path you are taking in a dark world, reach out to people in need, and love unconditionally. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep, and trust God to either change your situation, or change you. But don’t allow the enemy to attack your position in Christ as dearly beloved. Remain faithful and allow God to heal your heart in His timing. You are loved!"


Brave :: Goodness, there is this video Lisa-Jo Baker shared on her blog. I've lost count of how many times I've watched it. And Lisa-Jo's words are totally worth reading too. That post and so many others you'll find once you start browsing. "... Everybody’s been there, everybody’s been stared down by the enemy, fallen for the fear and done some disappearing. Bow down to the mighty. Don’t run, stop holding your tongue. Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live. Maybe one of these days you can let the light in. Show me how big your brave is. Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out. Honestly. I wanna see you be brave ..." {From "Brave" by Sara Bareilles}

When Mothers Cry Rescue :: My new dreamer friend Jennifer Camp knows how to use words to encourage and inspire. She's done it over and over again the past few months. This post spoke loudly into my heart. "Oh, mothers, let’s lay it down. Let’s lay down our need for control, our desire to be right, our quest to fill up our kids because we, ourselves, need to be filled. Let us be filled first, and let that be what overflows. Let us be filled first so we are strengthened in our weakness, emboldened to stay and rest rather than run. Let us be filled first so that in our being rescued we don’t run, we stay."

I'm hoping to take these lessons on hope, rest, bravery and laying it all down into my weekend as we celebrate life {two birthdays!} around here with people we adore. Have you read something lately you're holding close? Share in the comments. 
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{Out of the Blue} Birthday, you don't scare me!

A true birthday gift, baked by Courtney, who
doesn't like desserts involving peanut butter!

I walked in the house with a half-eaten, homemade-by-my-friend peanut butter and chocolate cake and a bag with some unwrapped presents. I'd spent the two hours talking to three of my best friends while I ate sweet and sour tilapia at a local Thai restaurant.

Just two days before I turn 34, my heart was full. They had blessed me with dessert, dinner out, gifts, conversations and reminders of why we're friends.

Birthdays don't scare me. I asked my husband last night, "Is it weird I'm getting ready to turn 34 and still really like my birthday?" He said everybody liked their birthday.

And, you know, while that's probably true to some degree, I don't think it's across-the-board true. My dear friend struggled with turning 35 this year. Another friends keep referring to herself as older than others when she's just two years older than me.

I fear forgetting. I don't want to let people down. I don't want to forget the things my kids say and how they use their imaginations in such a carefree way. I want to be on time and not forget where I'm going. I take pictures and write stories in attempt to take away this fear.

But I don't fear growing up. I like it here, even with the gray hairs. I like being an adult. I like that I can look back and see how God's brought me through. But I realize it's a process, so I can look forward and know there is more. I'm pieces of who I once was mixed with parts of who I've become. For someone who usually likes black and white, it's a pleasant surprise to enjoy this shade of gray.

Thing is, it's not just my own birthday I like. Yes, I turn 34 tomorrow, but then three days later my girl turns 6. I don't want to wish away these days, because I do know they won't be like this for long, but I do really love watching her grow up. I like her gap-tooth grin. She can read. She matched socks the other day while I folded and sorted clothes. She asks questions that make me ponder the whys of my faith. She challenges me and inspires me on a regular basis.

I still like to give my adult friends birthday presents and plan my husband a birthday party. I like to hang the cards my kids' get on their days around their bedroom door frame to remind me of the support they have near and far. Love can be sealed in an envelope, and I'm not sure we ever get too old to really love it.

You won't find me eager to be in the center of a room while friends surround me and sing, "Happy Birthday." But sitting around that table with delicious food, even more filling conversation, and friends who wrap their love in fun-colored paper is exactly where I want to be.
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I'm linking up with Kristen at Chasing Blue Skies today. Want more? Subscribe to get "Insights" in your inbox. Like 152 Insights on Facebook. Or follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

{#TellHisStory} Come to Me

Honestly, I planned to link up Monday's post about how I feel like a boat stuck on land when I don't rest with the other storytellers over at Jennifer Dukes Lee's blog. But then I wrote this while waiting in the car line at my girl's school this afternoon. It's really like a Part 2. Letting go helps the boat sail like it's meant to.



All I could hear was the instrumental music and ocean sounds that alternated over the speaker. I left my phone that had been a buzz the past few days with chit-chat texts with friends, phone calls about this lake house and that lake house, emails about one of my magazine assignments and those other various projects and ideas I have brewing. My to-do list was out of sight and out of my mind. People I trust were educating and caring for my kids.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and felt the massage therapist begin working on the knot on the upper left side of my back. And the one nearby closer to my neck. And the one other the other side of my spine. And the one that often irritates in my upper left arm.

All of the burdens I carry seemed to be stored in knots in my shoulders and upper back. I live a blessed life. I really have no complaints, yet I do complain sometimes because I over think things, pile on perfectionist tendencies of wanting to do it all right now, and pour out everything I have without resting in between.

Are we disciplining and training Ben in the most effective way?

Are we helping Cate focus on what's really important in life?

How can we show them Jesus more?

Why didn't I check my attitude at the door? I really was so glad my husband came home, yet I snapped instead of rejoiced.

Should I have said those words differently? Did I say too much? Not enough?

Could I do something more? That friendship seems so out of sync, even though we both keep trying.

The massage therapist knows there are knotty parts of me deep down. Layers of issues, she said last time, which was months ago. She may not know me, but she helps me. As she works, I think about the song that has been on repeat in my mini van and my head ... Come to me when you're weary and I'll give you hope when you're hurting, I'll give you rest from your burdens ... 

It's truth. Straight from the mouth of Jesus:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

{Matthew 11:28-30}

I keep leaving a trail of those things and thoughts and expectations that burden me. There are some on the front porch. And there are some surrounding that massage table. I want to leave more on my doorstep.

And there are many that need to go to the cross daily. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened ..." He's got the burdens. "I will give you rest." He died for them -- the ones we are long past, the ones making our shoulders hurt now, and the ones we've yet to experience. "... you will find rest for your souls."

I walked out of The Retreat and squinted my eyes as they adjusted to the brightness. I felt relaxes and loose and ready to face the next things before me. Just like that, it feels good to let the knots be worked out and let go of the load.
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I'm linking up with Jennifer Dukes Lee and many other storytellers as part of the weekly #TellHisStory. If you've read much around here, you know I'm attempting to embrace imperfection this year. This is clearly part of the process. 

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{God-sized Dreams} Dear Dreamers ...

Thanks, Beth, for the mail love this week.

I'm thankful you're in my life. And I'm oh-so glad there is more than one of you.

You're the ones who live this extraordinarily ordinary life with me. You're the ones on the other side of this computer screen who weave words together in a way that speak directly to me. You're the ones who help me raise my kids. You're the ones who come to my parties and support my crazy ideas. You're the ones who teach me and encourage me and brainstorm with me.

You meet me at Zaxby's on the night kids eat free and we have seven kids between the two of us for just this one night. We catch up in broken sentences while we parent the seven who are 6 and younger around two tables.

You send me mail just because, but it arrived at the beginning of my birthday week alongside a package from a favorite relative of mine. My kids and I enjoyed the new tunes on the way to school this morning because of your generosity. And I'm looking for the perfect home for your beautiful photo that speaks some of my favorite truth from Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

You write me conversational emails that make you living far away bearable. You leave me lingering voice mails that make me momentarily feel like I'm sitting on a couch with you. You've seen me grow up. You've seem me make life-changing choices. You've sat around my kitchen table.

You have just the kind of link-ups I need to recognize that God is working and has so many stories to tell, and not always in the ways I expect. You leave comments and encouragement. You affirm the lessons I'm learning with stories from your own life.

You married me. You cared for me. You've loved me in my worst moments. You've stood by me and cheered for me. You've laughed and cried and dreamed and traveled with me. You make courageous decisions that are building a legacy.

You -- the collective you -- help me in this life. You inspire me and motivate me. I honestly don't know how I'd do life without you. You're brave and bold and willing and available. You text me and bless me when I'm worn down. You are missed when we have to readjust to a new season. You hear my rants and love me anyway. You are you. And that's just the kind of dreamers I need in my life.
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Tuesdays are God-sized Dream days around here and I'm linking this post along with many, many other dreamers on Holley Gerth's blog. \So many names and faces came into my head with this week's  challenge to write a letter of encouragement to another dreamer, yet I kept coming back to this collective community of people who don't necessarily know each other but together truly spur me on in my everyday life. 

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Without rest, I get stuck.

For a couple hours this afternoon, I felt like I won the boy-momma lottery. I had three boys -- two of whom are 3 1/2 years old and another who is 22 months -- asleep at the same time. While two brothers snoozed in beds that weren't their own while their own momma worked toward birthing their baby sister and my own boy slept, I worked on a magazine article and tended to multiple loads of laundry.

And during that time I also remembered how I sat on the front porch Saturday night after a good day with my family and some of our best friends.

Flipping through my calendar and thinking about my to-do list overwhelmed me. I hadn't slept well for a couple nights. And I felt like I didn't have anything else to give. It seemed ridiculous, really, but I suddenly felt smothered. 

So I just froze last week and it caught up with me Saturday. I tried to pick a fight with my husband. I came home from my friend's house and cleaned my kitchen like a control freak needing to restore order. And while it was nice to get the dishes done, the disorder was really in my own mind. I sat on the porch swing outside while the rain fell just outside the shelter of my front porch.

I left some junk out there. I realized while I'm extrovert, I still need to regroup and remember and realize and relax. My husband told me he understood how I felt because we've been married 10 years {closer to 11 now ...} and I get like this every three to four months. I wanted to dispute his assessment of this habit of mine, but, well, I really couldn't. He was right. I give and work and plan and go and ... then I freeze. I feel overwhelmed and drained and worn out.

That night on the front porch and the couple night's of really great sleep that followed were good for me. I need to do a better job of taking more frequent breaks. Just mental time-outs. Otherwise I start feeling like a boat that is stuck in a field of grass when it's really meant to be exploring out on the water. Stuck.

Truth is, rest is good for everyone. Even the Creator of it all rested on the seventh day. For me, resting is acknowledging I can't {and shouldn't ...} try to do it all while recognizing my purpose. It's remembering I'm not really in control anyway. Resting is realizing deep breaths, intentional pauses, boundaries with my time, and personal priorities are necessary. The truth is easier to find that way.
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I'm linking up with Jen's Soli Deo Gloria Party. Want more? Subscribe to get "Insights" in your inbox. Like 152 Insights on Facebook. Or follow me on Twitter and Instagram.

Welcoming a new cousin-friend ...

A couple years ago, Cate would confuse which kids were her cousins and which ones were her friends. She'd call friends cousins and cousins friends. I would clear up the difference, and then tell her cousins can be friends and friends can be like family.

And, you know, truth is, I'm really grateful we have friends who my kids already consider family and family they think of as friends. 

My two have known Jaclyn's three for all their little lives. Other than Cate, who was born in Indiana, they all met each other the day they were born. They didn't know it at the time, but they're just part of each other's lives. Ben doesn't know life without Davey, who is Sarah's first born. They were born 3 1/2 weeks apart and have shared many meals and toys since.

They have six cousins on the Taylor side and two on the Hill side. And they all get excited to be together. Cate is looking forward to most of the girl cousins coming to her birthday party this weekend. She is in the top middle of the pack and especially adores 9-year-old Milla and 7-year-old Ethne.

Well, the newest cousin just arrived! Charlie Gunter Taylor was born at 10:42 p.m. Wednesday, April 24. He weighed 8 lbs. Just after meeting him Thursday, my kids asked questions about babies and births and I loved sharing some of their stories with them.

Cate was all about holding Charlie. Ben was distracted by the documentary about alligators on the TV at the hospital, but he finally decided holding his new cousin wasn't so bad. Although that documentary was really interesting, especially if Uncle Charles would hold his baby ...

So, yes, my kids have a new cousin, but I'm guessing in the long run they'll have a new friend too. Perhaps Ben can tell him about alligators one day.

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Speaking of babies, did you read my adoption story over at Gindi's blog? God really does hear the desires of our hearts. Gindi's shared her story about becoming a mom here. It's a wonderful reminder that God protects us and really does know what is best for us. 

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{Guest Post} The Long Journey to Motherhood

As part of an encouraging God-sized dreamers' group, Gindi and I connected over our infertility stories. Our stories have so many shared emotions. We became mommas in different ways, but we can relate to each other's journey. I'm happy to have Gindi sharing her story here today while I share mine over at her blog. 

I'm a dreamer. It's actually how I met Kristin. We're dreaming God-sized dreams together. But the only vivid dream I had from childhood that I carried with me into adulthood was becoming a mother. Growing up, I told my mom I wanted to have 12 kids. I babysat, ran church nurseries, worked as a nanny in high school and college, and taught Sunday School to two year olds after I became a lawyer.

I love children. When Bray and I married, we had six nieces and nephews which I spoiled and adored. We both knew we wanted children and started trying nearly immediately. When we didn't get pregnant after months of trying, we decided to get everything checked out. That led to us receiving the news that we would likely never conceive on our own before we'd even celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary.

I know disappointment. Taking temperatures and charting cycles. We did that for a while. We moved to IUIs because we weren’t comfortable with the invasive nature of IVF. We did three rounds. Every month those negative pregnancy tests nearly killed me. I stopped going to baby showers because I couldn’t smile. I had to skip church Sundays if there were baptisms because I couldn’t stop crying.

I know the longer the battle goes on the harder it is to believe that you could have children. I know it’s hard to pray brave prayers. I know it’s hard to believe that God could work a miracle. I actually questioned my faith and God’s love during our multi-year battle. And I’m the daughter and granddaughter of a minister. But if I wasn't designed to be a mom, then who was I?

Toward the end, my friends had to pray brave prayers. People prayed brave bold miracle asking prayers for us when I was out of faith. When I was skeptical. When I was too scared to hope anymore. I truly went into this “last chance” believing we wouldn’t have kids, yet hoping against all odds that I was wrong.

Do you know one of the miracles revealed? Two years after trying, I decided to stop. I had a great marriage and I didn't want the treatments to consume who we were. But Bray encouraged me to have one other investigative procedure that was a little more invasive in that I had to be put to sleep for my doctor to make sure he had actually caught all the complications we were having.

During this minimally invasive procedure, they found a tumor in my uterus. They had to call Bray and get permission to cut me open and get it out. The tumor was benign but growing. And had I become pregnant during those two years, the hormones would have fed it, causing it to grow and crush any baby that was growing. The Lord had his hand over me and kept us from getting pregnant so we didn't suffer miscarriages.

You cannot see His hand in the middle of the fight. But His hand is there.

One year later we had triplets. They are 3. They are my whole heart. They are my biggest blessing. And a daily reminder of God still doing modern day miracles. They. Are. Miracles.

I have no idea what will happen if you are struggling with having children of your own. That's what I love about connecting to Kristin. We are living proof that God works His plan in different ways for different people. God opened up adoptions for her family. A fellow dreamer of ours now sees her books and mentees as her children because her infertility struggle had a totally different ending.

But I know this. He is there. His hand is in this. Whatever your "this" is. Hang in there. And keep the faith.

________

Gindi Eckel Vincent is a full-time attorney for a global energy company and a part-time speaker and writer, particularly for working moms. She lives in Houston, Texas with her husband and precocious 3-year-old triplets. She blogs daily at www.gindivincent.com and her first book on leadership, "Learning to Lead," releases Aug. 1.

{Out of the Blue} A surprise snapshot

My hometown sits on the sprawling edge of a big city, my state's biggest, actually. Yes, I lived in a rural community as a kid, but I didn't know anything about actual country living until I married Greg. Many years ago, his parents built their dream home on a farm just south of the Kentucky-Tennessee state line, where my cell phone doesn't usually work and sometimes a key road sign is laying down after a storm. The well water tastes good and the view of natural beauty calms my soul.

And my kids really like it there too.

Sometimes in the afternoon at our own house in town, they ask to watch movies and play games on a my phone. I tell them to go play with something else and each other instead. They usually do. But it's like they can't figure out what they want to do. They have toys, more toys than any kid needs. Ben wants to disrupt Cate's creative energy of drawing and writing and coloring. And Cate wants to know what's happening next and how her little brother can be properly occupied until she's ready to play with him.

Thankfully, it's been nice out, so they've found entertainment with each other out in the back yard. It's a taste of what it's like out on Gran-Gran's farm. {I also thought "farm" applied to animals, but now in my small town farther away from any major city limits I understand it can also mean large pieces of land. Although, Greg's dad did once have cows, which have made of many family stories.}

Out on Gran-Gran's farm, the kids seem more willing to run and play and explore and share and imagine. I can read and dream out there while hearing my kids playing in the distance. There is room there. Room to roam. Room to think. Room to slow down.

{This is where we recently celebrated Easter, which is when the joy-filled four-wheeling picture above was snapped, and Greg's 35th birthday.}

Yes, this surprises me, the girl who thought her dream was live in the hustle and bustle of a big-city newsroom. I'm not sure I'd hear the giggles and impromptu playing, see the smiles and relaxed interaction, or experience the peace like I do on Gran-Gran's farm had I not surrendered my life to the One who knows my dreams better than I do myself.

I feel created for this life. The one right here in a small town on the winding edge of farmland. The one with these people who call me wife, momma, Aunt Kristin, daughter and friend. And even though I know this is where I'm meant to be, I still find myself pleasantly surprised.
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I'm linking up with Kristen at Chasing Blue Skies. This is the third in what has become a little mini-series on my small-town life. {The other two are A Good Goodbye and Jumping In.} Obviously, the fact I love where I am continues to surprise me. 

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{Treat} 25% off Mother's Day cards

Mother's Day is almost here. Yes, really. 

Whether you're looking for a card for your mom, your wife, grandmother, sisters, or in-laws, Treat has the card for you. Its cards are top-quality and you have 100% control of the content. You can choose from more than 450 Mother's Day designs. There are funny ones and sentimental messages. You add your own pictures and text to make them uniquely your style. 


The best part is that right now you can get 25% off all Mother's Day orders by using the code TREATMOM25 by 11:59 Pacific Time on Tuesday, April 30. 
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{God-sized Dreams} Celebrating life

Just across the state line in Tennessee on my mother-in-law's farm, we celebrated my husband's 35th birthday with four-wheeler rides and fishing. Those are the manly equivalent to party games, you know. We invited our dearest friends, soaked up the beautiful spring day, ate delicious food, caught up with stories and laughter. You know, we were doing what my husband wanted to do. I didn't touch a fishing pole or sit on the four-wheeler, but it was a fabulous day that included so many people and moments I love.

Yes, please notice the boots. They are the snake-proof boots Greg requested. I think he's been watching a tad too much "Duck Dynasty," but he was so proud of himself for traipsing into a pond and coming out dry. Apparently this birthday party venue is going to become tradition, so they'll get at least annual use. And, really, I love that we're establishing traditions for adult birthdays in our 30s.

This electric truck made its way out for the party. These cousins filled its bed for the first drive around the farm, but they made plenty of room for friends later in the afternoon.

Yes, I realize I need to worry when he's 16. It took him about 3 minutes to figure out how to move the lever to the faster of the two forward speeds. I've mentioned Ben is all boy. He's rough and messy and loud and always on the move. The Farm was a good place for him to run free, collect sticks, be introduced to Dodge Ball, eat where the birds would clean up his crumbs, and chase his friends. Seeing my boy in his element makes me understand him more. 

Y'all. We have the best friends a family could have. Hands down. These are the people who know my weaknesses, hear about my hard days, help me in ordinary moments, and make me laugh the hardest on the best of days.

And she's one of the very best. Jaclyn and I have been through so many seasons of life since we were single girls in college. And, you know, sometimes it's really nice to just sit on a porch together. 

Speaking of sitting on the porch, that's where I was before our friends arrived when my kids were playing on the swing set and with sticks and Greg was testing the fishin' waters. And I read almost half of "Sparkly Green Earrings" by Melanie Shankle {aka Big Mama}. Then I finished the book the next day. Yes, reading a book in two days in this season of life means I couldn't put it down and I recommend it to you, fellow mommas. It's about becoming a momma and being a momma. Sometimes putting this job into words is impossible, but this book does it with funny, heart-warming stories.

Cate and our friend Chloe planned some singing and dancing program. None of us watching really have any idea what it was about, but seeing these two first-born girls bond over public silliness makes me, the once-so-very-shy girl, smile so big.

So, yes, my husband had a fabulous 35th birthday party. But the day was also oh-so good for my soul, which had felt tired and weary. And then I remembered that's what sharing life is really all about. 
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For this week's God-sized Dreams post, Holley Gerth asked us to take time to play. I'm linking this post along with many, many other dreamers on Holley's blog. You'll find encouragement, truth and community there. 

I'm also linking up with Soli Deo Gloria at Finding Heaven Today.

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What's on your ...

This post is inspired by one Ali Edwards wrote last week. I tweaked my list a little, but it's a fun way to document the right now in my life. 

Perennial to-do list :: Scrapbook. Organize pictures that I've printed. Put together a hanging display for postcards. Mop and clean the toilets and showers also hang over my head.

Refrigerator shelves :: Left over deviled eggs. Milk that I bought on the way to school this morning and then proceeded to pour some into my preschooler's cup. Coke Zero. Lettuce. Beef thawing for dinner tonight.

Front porch :: A bird made a nest. Less pollen because the lawn care guy blew off the porch.

Nightstand :: Kindle. "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.

Calendar :: Carpool this afternoon. Greg turns 35 today. Cate and I also have birthdays within the next two weeks. Four more weeks of school for Cate. Three more school days for Ben.

Dream itinerary :: Pretty much anywhere, especially places that are warm.

Playlist :: "Promise of Summer" by Jackopiece.

iPhone :: Map My Run. Instagram. Words with Friends. Facebook. Twitter. Texting. ShopShop.

Workout plan :: Run a few times a week in preparation for a 5K on May 25. I ran 2.09 miles this morning.

Bucket list :: Load up my family in an RV and travel to all the MLB stadiums during baseball season. Write a book.

Mind :: Dear friend Sarah and sister-in-law Angela are expecting babies soon, like this week. People I want to make plans with. A neighborhood party. Updating our adoption home study, again.

DVR :: "The Good Wife" is all we really record these days, but we're caught up. I don't really expect to watch the "Mob Doctor" episodes, but we haven't deleted them yet.

Blogroll :: Jennifer Dukes Lee. Chasing Blue Skies. Big Mama. Jen Hatmaker. {Just to name a few ...}

To-read list :: "Desperate: Hope for a Weary Mom" by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson {And the Kindle version is just $3.99 today!}. "Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker. "You Are a Writer (So Start Acting Like One)" by Jeff Goins.

Tell me about your right now.
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{Tiny Prints} Teacher Appreciation Deals

Cate has four more weeks of kindergarten. Our first "real" year of school is almost over. Whew. Time has flown by.  Even so, I'm looking forward to a break in our routine and time at the pool. But I'm also grateful for my girl's teacher and principal, who has become my friend. Without even knowing they were doing so, they have affirmed time and time again that this small, private school is where our family needs to be. 

I've seen teachers work outside the classroom. My momma is a retired fifth-grade teacher. Yes, she had summers off, but, goodness, she worked hard those other nine months of the year. She had stacks of papers to grade, lesson plans to make, and students who relied on her for more than learning about Paul Revere and multiplication tables. 

So, let's hear it for the teachers! 

May 7 is the official Teacher Appreciation Day. And a great way to show your thanks is with a card and a simple, but meaningful gift. 

 


Tiny Prints has a great promotion tomorrow and Monday {April 21 and 22} for 25% off all of their custom gifts, such as mugs, always a teacher favorite. You can choose from hundreds of designs for each gift type, personalize them with your child's photo or class photo, and write your own text.

Just use the promo code TAD25 at checkout by 11:59 p.m. Pacific Time on Monday to save 25%. That is also the last day for guaranteed delivery by May 6.

And for the card, check out Treat, where you can get a completely customized, photo card for only $3.49. They have almost 40 designs specifically for Teacher Appreciation Day, not to mention hundreds of thank you card designs.

If you are buying multiple cards, check out their Treat Card Club packs. A 6-card plan costs only $2.49 per card, a 12-card plan only $2.24 per card, and an 18-card plan only $1.99 per card.

And don't forget to thank a teacher. 

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